Wednesday, January 04, 2006

My history of weird work part 2

Since I posted "My history of weird work" so many of you (how many is a secret) have been nagging on me on what I have done since I left the circus in Mexico, so for all of you here is my history of weird work part 2.

After I came home from Mexico I was both without work and money, but I had gained a minimality of new experience as a juggler. Therefore I went back to make money on the street. This was, as said earlier, a good job and I made quite an amount of money. And it also gave me a few other jobs. For example I was touring birthday parties for taiwanesian kids for a while. Here I usualy was put in between the karaoke and the guy handing out candy, they were both actually more popular than me. But I ate some really great food here.

But one day, after having a show on the street, a guy comes up to me. He wonders if I want to have a show at the grand opening of his nightclub. The guy looks slightly mental, but as I never say no to a job (exept for one taiwanese party during my exam, never got into those jobs again) I gave him my number. After the summer I started my studies and I hadn't heard anything from the guy so I thought he was only dreaming up this place. One day 2 1/2 month later I get a phone call. It went something like this:

Guy: "Is this Ole?"
Me: "Yes"
Guy: "I got you on a list for being bartender, is that correct?"
Me: "Well I have never tasted a drink in my whole life (I'm a beer person), and at least never made one. But that could be fun."
Guy: "That's good, could we meet tomorrow and I will tell you what you are going to do"
Me: "Cool, see you tomorrow."
Guy: "Cheers."

I actually met the guy the day after and he started telling me that he was going to open a new place. He told me it was a whole new concept for Oslo, and it was going to be really special. After he had been talking like this for 1 1/2 hour I stopped him and asked if this place was a gay bar. "Yes" he said, "Cool" I said. So two weeks after I was standing behind the bar serving. You have to see here that I had, at this time, never made a serious drink (if you don't count mixing all the different ingredients of your parents cocktail cabinet into an empty bottle of coke). But just like in the circus they didn't want me for my abilities, but for my look. Heck the first month I was even to young to serve anything else than beer and wine.

This place had three levels. On the ground floor you had the normal bar with a pool table. Above you had the discoteque with a stage where people could make a striptease (they had promised me ladies on this stage, I never saw them, though I never saw the guys stripping either). On the top floor you had what was known as "The Leather Bar". I never walked into that one...

I was working at the ground floor and was entertaining all the semi-alcoholic gays. They used to drop their cigarette packs over the counter so they could watch me bend down to pick it up. I quickly learnt to flip it up with my foot. I also recieved a lot of napkins with phone numbers on them. I used to hand these out again when other people asked for mine. I was like a love central.

It was actually quite good to work here. We had some huge greek guys watching the door, but there was never fighting going on. The worst thing that happened was when a guy hit another one with his handbag. The only anoying thing about working there was the girls. They usualy came in in groups of 5+ at about 10 o'clock in the evening. They where out for a "ladies only night" and therefore went to a gay bar where noone would hit on them. Every single time this happened: At 11 o'clock they were in good humor and had kicked away the only guy stupid enough to hit on them in a gay bar. At 12 o'clock the place was quite full and the whole group was becomming a bit restless. So many guys and 5 pretty girls... 01 o'clock their eyes bagan to search the room an they were all wondering "What's wrong with us? Why don't any of these guys want to hook up with us?". At 02 o'clock they were desperate and would take the first ugly motherfucker who didn't prefere ass. Some smart guys learnt this and entered the bar at this time and went away with the girls. I had to always watch this from behind the bar. If I hooked up with them girls I would forever loose my tip. It was torture.

Anyhow this place went down. I met my ex-boss a while thereafter. He was walking around with a pig on a string and wondered if I would work at his new toppless joint. I told him no.

I then started to work at an old people's home and that was way worse than the gay bar. At this place they actually tried to gain money on storing the old people for the last years of their life. In the start it was ok, but after a while the portions of food got smaller, we where fewer people on work, and we had so much to do that some of the old people had to lay in bed all day. One woman was superbly fine, but she couldn't use her right side correctly. If she had got the correct treatment she would have been at home after 6 months. She had been there for 3 years and probably had 10 more left. Another time we thought a woman was supposed to die. She laid in her bed for a week getting nourishment through wires. Then the doctor came by and said she was absolutely fine. The woman could not speak...

The people I worked with was genuinely nice people who did everything they could, but my boss, who had economical background was a prick (even though I never met her). When they thaught us how much fluid a diaper actually can hold, and to make shure we used them for the maximum, and they told us to use the cheap plastic glowes instead of the more expencive latex ones I quit (The plastic ones easily ripped, no fun when helping old people at the bathroom). Never again, I will rather die young.

Oh sorry, I forgot, before wasting my time at the old people's home I was working at a school for mentally challenged kids. That was quite fun because the mind of these guys are so unpredictable. I have worked with normal kids and that is ok, but getting up at 7 makes you feel tired all day. With these kids you will be awake in a second. Especially it was fun when you had story reading. One of the kids had a fantastic memory and once you had told him a story he remembered it. So meanwhile I was reading out loud you could hear him mumble in the backround. Then he would speak faster and faster and louder and it was impossible to stop him before he had finished reciting the whole book. I once read him "War and peace" by Tolstoj, and when we repeated it he caught on fire. I had to quit this job then.

The christmas of 2002 i was broke and had no job. In other words quite desperate, I would have taken any job in the world. And I did. This is where I spent my christmas. "Husfliden" is a store where they sell knittingwear, traditional norwegian costumes and norwegian craft made in china. I have to say I had no idea of that when I applied for the job. I thought they sold kitchen stuff. Anyhow I got the job because I am a boy (I was the only one) and I did not have to wear a traditional norwegian suit which was their uniform and is probably even more of a health risk than a smoking (I had a read beanie though) and I was not invited for when they were counting up all the stuff which was left after a year of sale. But I got some money and I nearly learnt how to wrap stuff.

But I nearly made a disaster here one day. I had bought some juggling rings for my niece as a christmas gift and placed them at the back room where I was going to wrap them in. One of my colleagues saw them and screamed "Its plastic in here!" and then she fainted. Luckily she didn't hit her head to hard and she is still alive today, not more mentaly disturbed than before this incident. But I had to buy her flowers while she was in hospital (job policy they told me). I found some really nice plastic ones so she shouldn't have to water them.

Well I still have a lot to tell, but again you guys read slow so I stop here for now. The rest of my job history will come soon and meanwhile you can comment, post a message and give me your vote for which story you really want to read.

Take care all and stay healthy as I want you all to come back (I had 69 hits first day of this year and I hope it will continue like this)!



READ PART 3

6 Comments:

At 1/04/2006 02:06:00 PM , Anonymous kjell said...

think it would be nicer if you had one weird work story per post. And then rather group them together as a category. Those posts get way too long now.

that is if you get you shit together and move over to wordpress so you can easily make categories :-)

 
At 1/04/2006 04:20:00 PM , Blogger Ole said...

bla bla bla, you can watch the pics if you have problem reading long articles...

Yes I'm working on the WP, but it wont import. I only get "connection failed"

 
At 1/05/2006 02:24:00 AM , Blogger Ole said...

Actually I get the fantastic message "Connect failed; Success". I really love the logic of a computer.

 
At 1/05/2006 06:27:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who is this Kjell anyway? Maybe Kjell Olofsson, the now retired MFK player? Get a life Kjell!

 
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At 8/06/2006 07:35:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very funny indeed! 

Posted by MSE

 

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