Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Definition on terrorism

I'm having some troubles in my study now and I would enjoy any help I could get. As I'm writing on terrorism I try to find a good definition on this term. In a normal lexica it would say: "Terrorism: use of organized violence to achieve political goals". That is a true an honest definition an probably the most correct one. But I believe the media, which is my case of study, to use some other kind of definition. I mean have you ever read in a newspaper:

"American terrorists attacked a small village close to Kabul today to kill a man and used excessive elements of terror as choppers and cluster bombs to achive this political goal."

I mean according to the lexica this would be quite correct just as:

"Today a man was condemd to 4 years in jail. The judges found it apropriate to use these means of terror against the man, because he himself had terrorised his wife for several years by beating her."

Such articles would create an upproar and the papers editors would be condemd as left-wing exstremists, even though they had used a definition taken from a normal lexica. I thought then it would be appropriate to find another definition on terrorism. And what would be better than the UN and their Security Council? And here I discovered something quite interesting.

After September 11th the UN created the Conter-Terrorism Comittee (CTC) to make sure the fight against terror should be a success. They also created Resolution 1373 where, amongst other things, all member countries are asked to report on their local projects to fight terrorism, and get help to achieve this goal. But the Resolution 1373 never gave any definition on what they understand as "terrorism". This was because, and I quote:

"The principal reason Resolution 1373 did not attempt to define terrorism was to avoid the divisive debate in the Security Counscil that has bogged down th Sixht Committee's work on the Comprehensive Convention. The sponsors of Resolution 1373 wanted a resolution that would pass quickly" (Rosand, Eric; Journal of American Law, no. 2, 2003)

The member countries are rather asked to find their own definition. What a great thought! I presume Iran to have a nice definition on that term. If they can get help from the UN (CTC has a budget on 11 million dollars) to fight what they understands as terrorism, they would really like to join the resolution. And Mr. Mugabe probably need som help also, as Zimbawe is overloaded with terrorists these days. And Pakistan still would like some help to fight those terrorists from India. Not at least do the German government have a problem with curious terroristic journalists these days, who wants to know what German agents did in Iraq. They could need some help in fighting them.

So now I ask: Who do you think should be our terrorists?

Personaly I would like to highligth the swedish boys. They come to Norway, we give them jobs and we give them girls and how do they thank us? By getting voilent in the streets every saturday night, and terrorising us with the Swedish national anthem.

I still don't know if Norway has come up with a definition, so please come with your suggestions. Use your best kind to implement some newspeach into it and then we will use some good old fashioned mind control to get this newspeach implemented as a norm. I will send it all in to CTC as "the peoples definition". For the money we get, I will buy arms for everyone (easy to get now a days if it is to be used in the war on terror) and we can get together an fight our enemies together. I will be a lot of fun!

Swedes are also allowed to contribute. I will later give the bomb belts we recieve, so you can have some fun with them when you walk home from town singing. The most effective use of these you will achieve if you wear them underneath a smoking. You will then maybe get what you can call a "double kill".

Update:

The more I read on this subject the more stupid it unfolds.

The UN has registered Hamas oficially as a terrorist group. And now that Hamas is in the Palestinian government the UN resolutins oblige them to take progressive action against themselves. At the same time the definition on terrorism is still missing. And Abu Iyad, former PLO leader, implifies in a statement that non israelis are innocent, and this opinion may be traced among many palestinians, also in the government. So when the UN gives an opening for government themselves to define terrorism, Hamas might say that all israelis are terrorists. Then the UN on their side are obliged to help Hamas fight their terrorists. Fantastic! A killing of an Israeli will then be legal because, as the israeli professor in Conunter Terrorism, Boaz Ganger states, none "(...) action by a state against terrorist activists can be defined as "terrorism", even if only because the latter are not actually civilians".

This is of course a real "Catch 22". The only solution for Hamas then is to get funds from the UN to buy bomb belts and do a good old suicide mission. Such a mission would kill both themselves and israelis and then be a complete success for the UNs war against terror. And they spend millions on such projects.

Oh such a wonderful world!

Update:
This is getting better and better. I just read a press relase concerningResolution 51/210 "COMMITTEE ON TERRORISM TAKES UP DRAFT COMPREHENSIVE ANTI-TERRORISM CONVENTION" from the Security Council in 2001. This was before the American invation in Iraq. As we all know today American forces has a slight problem with terrorists attacking them every day and destroying the wonderful democracy they try to build up. But check out what Iraq said in this resolution from 2001:

"ABDUL MUNIM AL-KADHE (Iraq) said he fully supported the Committee’s efforts to elaborate a comprehensive convention against terrorism. His Government condemned all forms of terrorism, including State-sponsored terrorism, which it considered one of the worst forms. The United States had devoted some $97 million to provide resources to Iraqi elements, cooperating with the United States Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), to cause trouble in his country. In recent months, he added, the United States administration had agreed to transfer further sums to those elements."

The question on what these funds are used to today is interesting. One can get many bombs for $97 million. But who cares about what the Iraqis say? They are all liars anyway!




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Monday, February 27, 2006

A joke on a monday

Today I have been studying all day. Also I have worked a bit as I lead a seminar on the history of media for students who have just finished high school and rather want to party than to study. So I had two students in my group today.

Anyway I think you deserve an update so here is a good old joke I found during my studies:


plakat01

Two german SS-soliders on service in Norway walks past a farm. By accident one of the soliders shoots a pig resting by the road. As they have been trained all their life to admire the farmer and his work the soliders feel really bad about the incident. And after a short discussion the misfortunate goes up to the farm to tell the farmer the bad news.

After a short while he comes back out again with a grin on his face and with flowers in his hand. His comrad asks him, quite surprised:

- What happend? Didn't he get angry?
- Nein he got quite happy!
- Whaz did sie say to him?
- Heil Hitler, die swein ist dead!


Since I believe in humor as universal language which may survive even 60 years I present to you the updated version:

Dick Cheney was out hunting with a good friend. They had been hunting all day long and was quite impatient as they still hadn't catched any game. Then suddenly Mr. Cheney sees something move in the forrest, and he quickly aims and fires. The second thereafter he hear a dog yelp. As he and his friend move in closer (20 cm away from the dead creature) they realise they have shot a dog belonging to the ranchowner.

Cheney first wants to run and forget the incident, but his friend explains that it would make a bad public image, and worse for the branding of the Cheney name if he ran away. So Dick realises in the end that he have to go up to the farm and inform the rancher about the incident.

His friends waits and after a short while Mr. Dick comes out of the ranch with a huge grin on his face, and his arms loaded with Oreo crackers and "As If It Was Butter". His friend ask him surprised:

Friend: What happend? Didn't he get mad?
Dick: No he got quite happy!
Friend: What did you say to him?
Dick: I saw a bush move and I shot the bastard!


dick in face 2

Today I'm fucking funny! This guy is obviously talented but crazy, just as crazy as Mr. Cheney:



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Sunday, February 26, 2006

Stupidity at work

Hi again all. I'm at work at the busterminal today, sitting in the counter answering all kinds of questions.

I'm feeling a bit dizzy since I was out yesterday and had to get up quite early today, not a good combination. But yesterday was quite cool exept for the fact that i dropped a girl to the dance floor, literarly. I'm sorry for laughing so hard about it Miss E, and not even did I do the effort to help you as I was cramping up. But I still think it is quite funny. And the way I remember it in my head today it is even funnier. You should ask Mr. Ø to take revenge on your behalf, on the other hand he threw frozen tomatoes at me so maybe we are even...




As I said I am at work answering questions on where and when buses go or arrive. But people have to think I am The Oracle in Oslo cause they actually believe I can answer anything. And this is quite allright except for the fact that people get angry when I can't answer their question. And they have a desperate lack of humor.

For example when sombody ask me "How much does the bus cost?" and I reply "The bus? A couple of millions I presume" some people don't find this funny. They reply by saying "That much!? They have to be insane, I will not pay that much for a bus trip!". These people should be kept locked inside in some dark room.

Another hightimer is people who come to me to get small change so they can enter the toilet. This is of course not a problem, but please, I am not interested in what you will do in there. Information like "Oh fuck, I really have to shit, give me some change!" or "I have to change my tampon, its been a while now." is not nessescary for me to get.

I get some quite funny questions while I sit here and cause I am kind today I will give share with you some of the most funny questions:

- When does the boat go from Stocholm to Helsinki?
(This is a busterminal situated in Oslo)

- When does the plane leave to Alta from Oslo airport?
(Still this is a busterminal)

- Is there no more buses leaving for Paris today!?
(Asked at 11pm, there is one bus with connection to Paris and it leaves once a week)

- Is it really half an hour until next departure?
(About a bus which leaves twice a day)

- Could you help me carry my couch (2 meter long and huge thing) which I want to bring with me on the bus?

- Could you drive me home?
(Guy who lost the last nightbus)

- I was late for the bus, could you ask the driver to hold the bus in Drammen while I catch the train?
(Passenger request, an hour after the bus left)

- When does the bus to Bergen go? No not today, I will not travel until next summer.
(Question asked around christmas)

- Is platform 9 hard to find? It's so huge in here!
(Passenger leaving to the airport to catch a plane to Heathrow, London. Oslo bustermnal is one straight long hall with the platforms on the sides)

- Is the bus trip comfortable?

- Can you please take away the water in the streets? It's impossible to walk!
(On a day with heavy rain)

- I have waited for the bus an hour now and it still haven't arrived! Where I've been waiting? Inside, in the middle of the hall as you told me that was where the platform was!

- I have to clean up after I was drunk and puked on the floor?

- Does the bus stop close to the gas station at (some small place I've never heard off or at least not been at) ? I mean then the gas station close to the lampost, not the other one.

- Why is there a sign saying platform 1-26 when the train station is in the other direction?
(WTF? I had a problem to understand the logic of that one, and tried hard not to laugh into the face of the next customer)

- Is it smart of me to send my 3 year old kid alone on the bus?

- I have sent my 3 year old kid alone on the bus and I'm stuck in traffic. Could you check if he is ok?

- Habei sie eine gerüchtenslecht am den bus gegen laben?

- Thai mat li na rai?

- Daruska babuska lurva kurwa polenski monski spaziba?

- You don't speak german/french/russian/thai/welch?

- Where is my brother?
(First of all, who the fuck are you?)

- Ole, would you like to work double today?

That was some of the questions you might get. But I could go on forever if you like me to. I'm happy that I am studiyng. I mean some of my collegues have been here now for 20 years. Yikes! But I do earn a living here, and I could have done worse, for examle working as alterboy at the local church. Then I would have been in the company of even crazier people. That would have been a horrible destiny, and probably at times involving dressing up in smoking. That thought gives me the chills!

Here, for all of you, the first prize for most concerning father of the year goes to:



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Saturday, February 25, 2006

Public service and Jaffa oranges

The other day Mr. N. Itter posted a comment in which he states:

I`m also an angry young man. Why the hell is it so difficult to get 1 kilo of propper Jaffa oranges in Norway. Ole, I want you on this case! Get me an answer...

And since I'm fond of public service here you go, the answer on why you can't get a kilo of propper Jaffa oranges in Norway:

I sent a mail to the main importer of fruit in Norway, Bama. They are clearly not interested in their own public service as they haven't replied to my request yet.


5omdagen

But since Mr. Itter claims to be a Lektor I expect him to use the shop located at the campus of University of Oslo, Bunnpris, and they gave me a reply.

This is the letter I sent them (I had to make a twist to reality to get a reply in english. Thats why I call me John Tender, but the rest of the request is close to the truth):

Hi Bunnpris, I have a question.

A friend of mine, Lektor N. Itter, was terrible dissapointed the other day. He is studying hard on his master thesis in media and communication at the University of Oslo. He is Norwegian, but because of his state of agony he could not get himselves to contact you.

Anyhow he is in desperate need of oranges in these dark times. He claimes it is not possible for him to study or write unless he has his daily chock of c-vitamins. If you wonder if he is a bit weird you are completly correct in assuming so, but we do like him very much, it's actually quite tormenting to see him in this state. The thing is that he went to your shop at the University campus to buy 1 kilo of good fruitful Jaffa-oranges, he claims them to be the best, but he says it was impossible for him to find this amount of Jaffa in your shop.

He blames this to be the fault of the west-wing extremists and their boycot of products from Israel (I suppose he is talking about "left-wing", but he has never been the smartest one when it comes to politics...) He is now threatening to release a fathwa upon all people who don't "...enjoy a, or a kilo of, good Jaffa orange(s) a day!" (in his presise words). You can personaly relax it. His kind of fathwa is more a danger to himselves and quite unharmful for anyone else, but I would rather not have him releasing one as I have seen his kind of fathwa before (last time he painted himself all blue and ran around naked in the hall where you got all the professors´ offices, not a nice sight and he was close to being thrown out of the University for that one).


images
Mr. Itter during his fathwa.

So my question now, is if it is true that you have stopped selling Jaffa-oranges? If not, what is the reason for him not being able to buy a kilo of them? I know he got the money, and I have told him where your shop is (once he went to the bookstore to buy milk, but I think he got the idea now), so then what may be the reason?

I would really apreciate your reply as we all want him to get through his study so he finally can get his degree. He want to open a stamp museum when he finishes, so you will not do any harm upon the human race by replying.

Be kindly and reply by mail as the people I live with are rather bad in handing me my mail...

Sincerely yours

John Tender


And this is the answer Bunnpris gave me:

bunnpris

Hello mr. John Tender.

Thank you for your request.

We can asure you that there are no political reasons that vi are not selling Jaffa oranges. In this time of the year our supplier explains that spanish oranges "Cevita" are the best oranges to get and therefore the reason why We're choosing them.

There are also å matter of price involved in solutions like this, but of course combined with quality.

This might not be the answer you hoped for but we hope however that the answer is covering your request.

Sincerly yours

Gxxx Hxxxxxxx

Bunnpris
Headquarter


So there you go Mr. Itter. Bunnpris claims Cevita oranges to be the best at this time of the year. Of course these are filled with Basquer blood

eta

and not Palestinian

izrael-palest-attack

and the spanyards are known for having pretty hot blood. But of course if you like arab blood better then you have to wait some more months. But as you see, the ETA would like you to go with them:

basque

If anyone have any other matter they want a straight answer on, please tell me and I will check it out. Make Smoking Kills (and it looks hilarious @omir.org) your number one public service provider!


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Friday, February 24, 2006

Funny Friday!

Happy friday everyone!

The weekend is here and all work and no play makes Ole a boring guy, so to celebrate the love for life here are some stuff for you to get you ready for some real partying!

First of all I give you "Wrøk" which is a music video made on a song which I have no idea where came from. Enjoy:




If you think this music was quite normal I would like you to send me a song played on The Cat Piano that's an instrument I would love to hear a symphony played on.

I found a funny thing while being at home in my parents house. In my little sisters room, yes I was poking around, there was a message given to her for misconducting at school. On the message it stood "In math class Emily stated loudly several times 'I allready know this stuff!' and called the teacher a 'False Liar'." Why didn't the teacher just write "Emily is a pain in the ass!" Way to go Emily!

I have allready showed you why Cheney shot his friend, but Jay Leno has actually made an investigative interview with him to get some straight answers:




And Mr. Dick does not stop here, now he also messes up with the olympics:


Who is Michelle Kwan? No idea and I don't care...

I think one actually should put Mr. Cheney behind bars. Clearly he is a danger to the human race, just look at his history of violence. More video on the shooting? Check here.

I have not seen the gaypower movie Brokeback Mountain yet, but I heard it is booooring, well one person said it was good, but that was a girl so that opinion does not count. But I would like to see these versions:


and:

one more then:


Want more? Ok here is the Dumb and Dumber version:



Those movies would maybe even make it to the oscars!

By the way, I'm in good company since Bush jr. has obviously not seen the movie either:



Complete malapropo here are some creatures who should get a prize for weirdness:



I would like one for my birthay!

They remind me of the good old game "Lemmings". An while thinking about old games, this guy has way to much time on his hands.

What I don't want is this! Can anyone tell me why one would buy this thing?

Well the wekend is here and I guess many of you will go out on town for some fun. But before you go you might want to learn how to dance like a white guy:



Also I would recomend you to check out Engrish.com. The english language is not that easy always.

crap-your-hands

Anyway I hope this made your day better, and remember if everything goes wrong Skatman might save your life!



I also promised Mr. M to put in some olympics stuff so this is for him primarily and secondly for all you others:



Ah, I almost forgot. Here's some pics that are
close to porn
for ya all.


Oh... This was so much fun!



I just say poor mom. Imagine when they are crying. That's what may happen when they understand that wrestling is not for real...


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Thursday, February 23, 2006

Back to civilization!

After 3 weeks trapped in the forest I will go back to civilization today! As you all know after having read my posts I have been watching my parents dog and their house for a while now. I was supposed to study hard, but have you guys ever tried Wolfenstein Enemy Territory? A truly fascinating game. If it is studyrelated? Well since I am writing about WWII and terrorism I find it hard to see that it's not...


rtcw-et
I mean just like them Norwegian grunts were fighting and killing nazis in Norway I have been killing them in the European Theatre! One of the maps is actually called "North Pole" and that is not far from Norway. I managed to take 3 of them fuckng nazis at the same time with only one landmine the other day. Am I a lifetaker? Am I a hartbreaker? Fuck yeah! So yes, I have been studying hard.

To celebrate my parents homecoming I will give you a new video. Of course all of you have seen this one. Probably some of you thought it was too long and a bit much talking. I know that you at least pretend to do something productive and don't have too much time to step by my blog. And some of you were for sure thinking "Give me some more fire!". As I love to follow the public demand I herby give you "Fire Within":



Hey! I did not claim it to be better than the other one. Just for fun here is another nobody, also having fun with fire:


And a short one just to give you some action time. This is so fun ain't it?


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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I've done something incredible!

I'm waiting for some stuff to arrive for my next post, but as it takes a while for this to arrive i will give you a small update. Cause I have actually done something incredible. Something I haven't done in maybe 3 years. I actually went skiing...


ski

As you all can see it did not go as well as one should expect for a Norwegian viking.

ole1

I was mostly lying down than standing up.

ole2

If you wonder I had a great time at this moment...

ole på ski

The reason for this was not my lack of skiing abilities, but rather this guy and his hormones running wild.

hero

But when I was standing I had a fantastic style! I bet you I could beat anyone of those stupid guys competing in Torino. Without looking horrible at the finishline.

ole3

How I could think of doing something this stupid? Of course it was not by my own free will. I was threathened and tortured by this girl for hours before I gave up my selfrespect. She had so much fun watching me being dragged along after the hormone-machine. I think I also was drugged down, because I feel a bit dizzy today...

m3


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Monday, February 20, 2006

Give me my money!

This is so smart! Why haven't I thought about this before?

After Palestine had their free and fair election, Israel and USA suddenly felt a chill of fear crawling down their spine since many of the Palestinian people voted for Hamas, these guys:


hamas2

Just to give you a reality check, these guys are ment to be the "good guys".

8-6

You can choose yourselves who you want to meet in a dark alley.

Anyway, Israel did not enjoy the choise made by the Palestinians and now, as before, refuse to pay taxmoney belonging to the Palestines. If the Palestines want their money, which they have paid in tax while doing shitty work in Israel, they have to vote for another party. Of course in a free an democratic election. The US goes even further, they want Palestine to give back money which they gave them not long ago. And this is so smart!

I did not enjoy the outcome of the democratic elections we had in Norway last year, so from now on I will not pay my taxes! Not until we have a change in the government, a free and democratic one of course. And I did not like that George Bush was elected President of the USA so I want back all the money I have spent on Burger King and McDonalds the last couple of years since I fear they will be spent on terrorist activities. I also bought a bottle of Coca Cola yesterday and that would be 1 dollar and 38 cent after the bottle refund which I will be kind and forget about. Even though I gave the bottle away to some kids. I hope the kids will not spend this money on terrorist activities. I expect the money to be refunded within a week if the people of USandA don't elect a new president. Show me the money!

If the Palestines are crying? Well they were not surprised and are rather looking for other friends who understands what is really a democracy...

hamas


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Saturday, February 18, 2006

More acdamecial stuff

An acdaicmeal reaserch stdiued upon at an unveiristy in Enlagnd has coclndued that if the two first and the two last leettrs in all words are cocterly plcaed it dosen't matter in which order one place the rest of the letetrs. The text is copmtelely rebadale even thuogh if the wireter make a colepmte chotaic mess of the other letetrs. This is beuacse pepole don't read each letter alone, but oraignze the word as a whole...

That would be if one know how to write the word in the first place.


school

Why didn't my teatcher ever learn that?

Just for fun, here is Mr. Dick Cheney explaining why it was in his nature to fire upon his friend. With a little help of Letterman....



Clearly he is a natural born killer. Thanks to YouTube to host this flash video!


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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Curling an academical sport?

This is so funny. I have just finished watching "Vendetta" and enjoyed seeing Carl Hamilton break some necks and put a couple of holes in the heads of them mean mafia guys. When the movie finished I switched channel and on the Norwegian national channel they were showing, as always these days, some stuff from the olympics...

Of course they had to show the weirdest sport of all: curling. Curling is for me a sport for people who have too much money and who had to come up with something new after golf became a sport for the public.

Golf is, by the way, also a hilarious sport. Who would have invented a sport where you have to dress as like at a carnival, and hit a tiny tiny ball into a hole on an artificially made park? Other than the Scottish I mean, but they are excused. I mean those guys even eat haggish. Voluntarily.


golf1
We like golf! We look stupid!

Another stupid sport is handball. For you who dont know what hanball is you can look at it like a mix of football and basket. No, not netball, try something even more stupid (close to golf yes). I mean, every second in hanball somebody make a goal. What's interesting about that? I mean, imagine the poor commentators sitting in their box:

"And he has the ball, he runs, he shoots, and GOAL! Yest its a GOOOOOOOOOOOO... Oh wait the other team has the ball AND THEY SCORE!!!!!!! Another goal! Amazing! Ah wait they got the ball again and SCORE!!! TWO TIMES! NO THREE!!!!! This game is so fasci... wait GOOOOOOOOOOOALLL!"

handball
Look mom! I can jump and throw a ball at the same time!

I might as well watch cricket, at least they are civilized and take teabreak. I actually find all sports quite stupid. But back to curling.

For those of you who don't know what curling is heres a pic for you:

curling2

Hah! You wish! Even I would have enjoyed this kind of sport. No this is curling:

curling1

We are talking about a sport where one person sends a stone sliding on ice and then two others brush the ice to make it go further... Yes alsmost as stupid as crosscountry skiing except they has replaced the person skiing with a stone.

Anyhow the commentators on my TV went mental because one stone is going this or that way and one says "Imagine if it had gone a bit further to the left!" and the other replies: "Well it still would depend on the rest of the three stones, so such a question is purely academical."

I have now changed the title of my master thesis. I will no longer write about terrorism in news, but rather on the different aspects of the left and the right side of a curling stone. I think I allready have secured the grade A. Sports and academics are highly underestimated!

Have I ever told you how dangerous it is to watch sport? My late grandfather was a real sport lunatic. He watched everything that was on. Once he even tried to make me watch a football game with him instead of going to Sweden to buy firecrackers. And that was after I had been really kind and gone betting with him! We went to Sweden in the end. And the football was taped on video.

Anyhow one day he was sitting in his couch watching crosscountry skiing. Of course this was intensifying boring so he fell asleep. Next thing that happens is that he not only fells asleep, but off the couch and down to the floor. Hard. This was his arm afterwards:

brokenarm

After this he still wouldn't give up sports so we bought him a bigger couch. But I tell this story as a warning to your all: Watching sport might be dangerous. Treat it only as an academical subject hereafter.

Ok I'm sorry, even on my highly informational blog you have to read about sport. If you are sick and tired of sport and fashion news, but still want to know what is going on this is the page for you. Well, of course its not the best page, but a good second place after Smoking Kills (and it looks hilarious @omir.org).


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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

A small step for you, a quantum leap for the academic world

Ok I have to admit something. The other day I told you all that I had recieved my pageload number 2000. This is absolutely true and not a lie. Probably it has been many more since I was not counting in the start. But I have to admit that I took a shortcut. I actually placed a link to my blog on a highly popular netpage and by this I probably recieved 30% of my pageloads.

I will now start an experiement on this. How many visitors can one actually recieve when one is writing just utter bullshit? (Probably the fact that I am full of bullshit is the reason why Ben Dover believes me and Aylar Lie to be a perfect match....)

But to really make this experiment big I need help from the 15 serious visitors I got. So next time you are bored and surfing the net you may, whenever you see one, click on "comment" on the pages you visit and, if you have no better text, write:

"Hey, check out this place, it's actually not interesting at all: www.omir.org"

Today my counter is on 2404, I will let this experiment go for a week and next wednesday make a count up on how many visitors you all have given me. I believe this to be a great experiment! Spamming? No it's purely scientifical and for a higher good which I actually can't explain because it's too complicated.

Complete malapropo:
Today I visited Mr A and Miss S and their newborn baby. It was luckily not a complete recemblance between the baby and the father:


MRABABY
baby

The baby was kind of cute and better looking than many other newborns, but I have to admit that I was a bit dissapointed. It could not talk! Whats the use then? So I told them to call me when it grows up.

If I am going soft and want my own baby? No way, I want a piece of this:

cuba27

So if you want to meet me you might find me at Rock Bottom on Saturday where the skacore band No Torso will have a release for their new album. Rumor (yes that guy again. Has anyone ever met him?) says it will rock.

If they will make you as horny as The Johnny Cane Band? I personally doubt it, but those guys look like they have enough to do comforting the women which came to their last concert (by the way my vote is still on!).

Feel free to come and meet me at Rock Bottom for some ska and remember my experiment, it will make a huge contribution to the academical world!


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Monday, February 13, 2006

Enough baby time for some action!

I just realised that my two last posts has been about babies. I feel ashamed of myself and promise to make it up to you.

Because of this I will give you a video of some though firemen where it may seem that there is some real action going on. Actually nothing is happening and personally I have later been wondering if I should have put something on fire at the moment just to get some real action shots...




I would also recomend you to check up this guy who wants a house. He started with trading one red paperclip and now he got a cube van which he wants to trade.

I got a blank white A4 papersheet up for trade if anyone are interested!


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Saturday, February 11, 2006

Baby on hold NO MORE

UPDATE!
The baby has finally been born after Mr. A begged the hospital to start the birth since Miss S. was yelling like a junglemonkey every 10th minute, or maybe it was the other way around. I told him that we could rather go watch a horror movie, as the yelling wouldn't do much harm there, and let the hospital guys get a rest until nature got on its way. But they didn't enjoy that option very much.

So far secure information says it's a fish! Congratulations!
This blog is not a babyspot site, but I will give you the pics of Mr. A. falling to the floor during the birth as soon as I get hold of them. I believe they would pretty much be quite in the same genre as the rest of my blog.


Ok, false alarm, the baby did not want to come yet... So while you wait you might as well watch this (if you don't want to hear my name repeated in Norwegian for like 20 times you may start the movie at 00:50 when the action begins):




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Baby for a jukebox?

Mr. A is having a baby!

As I'm writing this the poor guy is at the hospital, nervous as hell, waiting for the small one to come. His girfriend is probably having a hard time comforting both him and herself...


saraudun
Miss S and Mr. A (Mr. A is the one on his knees)

Last time I spoke with him he was crying in despair begging me to do the proposed change, but no way I said.

This is my new ghettoblaster:

jukebox
Yes mom I actually went and spent money on this. Quite a lot of money...

For once its my turn to be the lucky one, and I will NOT, I repeat: NOT trade my jukebox for the baby. You can maybe borrow it and even come to my "Bring your own CD" party, I can even watch your kid for like, an hour or two (that is a pretty long time so I have to think about it), but a permanent trade... No thanks!

Enjoy the newborn Mr. A and congratulations! And I hope you still will get some spare time to fix my jukebox with me so it will work, and maybe some time to hang out with us grunts. And for sure I will invite myself to dinner at your place to see the kid, a lot (Yes, I heard that "Oh no" coming from your mouth Miss S). Update on the baby will come as soon as its out in daylight. I have asked Miss S to bring me some cool pics of when Mr. A falls to the floor!


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Friday, February 10, 2006

Visitor number 2000!

Hey! I just had my visitor number 2000! Or rather the 2000th time someone clicked on one of my pages. But who the hell cares! Its amazing that someone has visited my pages 2000 times I think.

Now I just have to figure out how to make money out of this or get famous (without ads, as they would ruin my fantastic layout)...

So please, if you got a good idea on this tell me. If not I will have to start the blackmailing I have warned you against. So to save yourself give me your best advice, or your worst. Just click the comment link at the end of my post, and start typing. And yes you ARE allowed to take on the name of ex-famous football players or your old teachers when you comment, I don't mind. Specially not when people go on google and search for their names and end up at my blog.

Anyhow, to celebrate this I will give free beer to everyone (did I hear someone say hooray?), So leave me your email adress and I will send you your beer ASAP!


Beer


If everyone who has been logged onto my page come to this digital party it will get humongous!

But when the headacke goes away remember to come back here. The Hot Spot Of The Net!

EMILY:
Since you are underage you will get NO beer, not from me nor anyone else. But you can have some soda. Here you go:

soda


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Thursday, February 09, 2006

An army founded on stupidity?

The other day I went to Oslo Documentary Cinema and saw the documentary "En hær i støpeskjeen" about the building of the Iraquian army. Several things made me laugh throughout this movie, and it made me impressed to see how much the Americans understand, and have learnt about the country they have invaded. It was, scarily, close to nothing...


    iraqGraduation

First of all they used pornography as a way to punish the soliders who didn't do their work good enough. Ok I admit, here they had a point as the poor Iraqian boy got really ashamed to watch the pics. But how they gain respect by this? No idea, probably the boy thought of them as barbarians (which is not totally wrong).

Later in the movie they threw out two aspirants. What they did to them? They put them on a lorry and drove them back to their village. The problem was that the village was placed in the middle of the guerillja hotspot, and the excluded aspirants was driven away in full uniform. What a great way to condemn a person to a certain death.

Talking about condemning someone to death. The last thing they did to the iraquian soliders was to shave their head and take away their mustache according to the correct "American military rules". Some of the Iraqian troopers was struggling hard against this and claimed it was humiliating. Later one told to the camera that when he would return to his village, everyone could spot where he had been because of his shaved head and without mustache. This would for sure be a risk to his whole family and not at least for himself. If they wanted the guerillja to spot whom where the soldiers in civil, this was the best thing the Americans could do.

As a final touch the americans had a ceremony for all their cadettes. And as they have now understood the culture in Iraq all the way through they had a person who presented a grandiose religious speech. Very well, exept for the fact that he was a christian priest who praised Jesus Christ as the lord himself to watch over the new Iraqian soldiers. The cadettes was not cheering...

Stupidity at its best and it may be funny, but I feel sorry for the young iraquis who got recruited. I guess the career as a solider in the new Iraqian army will be shortlived for some of them. Even I can see the point of building up or to keep a friendly national army to cooperate with an occupation force, but this is just to throw away the lives of young people. Why not just feed them to the lions...

Talking about stupidity, I just stumbled upon a video from a newscast. A teacher had called his student "nigga" and he tries to explain why he used such a word in this video (sorry, but since mediplayer sucks I will have to redirect you to another page). He has jet to convince me, but he makes me laugh, especially as he starts to explain the difference between the words "nigga" and "nigger". If you got some time left you might want to amuse yourself. It's a bit scary though that he was employed as a teacher...


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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

DVD menu stupidity

I'm for the moment locked up in Ski, far out in the forest.
To give you an idea this is the place:


Langvass

Its not far out into the forest, just kind of very far. The next neighbour is living 2 clicks away...

No, this is not some kind of a punishment, but since my parents are on vacation someone have to watch their dysfunctional dog belonging mainly to my sister which we all presume has a slight sting of ADHD. That would be the dog and not my sister, but as we all know the dog often is quite like their owner.

Here is the dog:

Hero

My sister you can see here.

Anyway I'm stuck out there and I hope to finally get something down on paper regarding my master thesis.

Another favorite activity of mine while being out there is to watch DVD movies. But somethimes I wonder why they gave up the VHS and moved onto DVDs. Or rather, I wonder which stupid people who have the job to make DVD menus. First of all when you start a DVD you have to wait a looooong time until they have told you which company has produced the movie, but then you finally get to the DVD menu. Ah, I think, "Let the fun begin", but first I normally want to choose a subtitle, but what happens? When I choose the "Language option" the menu changes from the main menu to the language menu, and meanwhile doing this they thought it would be nice to show you some good scenes from the movie. Not only takes this long time, but it ruins the whole fucking movie! Heck, when I want to see the movie I will push "play" not "language"!

This goes on a few times and in the end I had seen the whole movie without even wanting to. Well, heck I think, maybe they have some good nude scenes and since that would be a loss not to see I finaly push "play". And what happens? I get half an hour with this:

FBICopyrightWarning

Not only is this published in english, but also in 15 other languages! If I wanted to know how to write "Warning" in welsh I would have bought a language course and not "Troy". On a VHS you could fast forward through all this and get to the real movie (a bit annoying when my father managed the control as he used to fast forward until half the movie was gone...) but have you ever tried to push FF on a DVD remote before? Before you know it you have done just the same as my father did with a VHS and skipped 15 scenes into the movie.

So I went back to the main menu and tried to go straight to chapter 1. Again I had to see half the movie before I got to the sub menu (no nude clips this time eighter) and here I choose chapter one. And who would presume that chapter one starts off with this:

FBICopyrightWarning

and chapter two is not until 10 minutes into the movie... So in the end I went and had a shower, made some food, read "War and peace" all the way through, until finally the warning messages was finished and the movie began.

Then comes another anoying fact about DVDs up. As it now was quite late I fell asleep, just before Helen was about to undress I believe, and then I discovered the true psycological torture which the DVD menu makers throw upon us.

You get so fucking frightened and confused when you wake up and the menu music, consisting of a ten second annoying music clip which comes on automaticly as the menu is reloaded when the movie is finished, has been played for the 87th time. Its like waking up to armageddon times ten. With that kind of terror in peoples homes it is not strange that you find wacko people at every corner these days. I got so frightened and fucked up in my head that I could not sleep for hours afterwards!

The worst thing? I had actually payed for this mess. Regarding the movie I understood the plot and story from what I saw in the menu, and the bonus stuff was only "deleted scenes" which means scenes that has been taken away because even Hollywood found them to insulting for the human intelectuality.

Next time I will download for free. They may arrest me and even lock me up in Guantanamo as a pirate terrorist (those laws goes for everything nowadays). They may even burn the first copy of "Punisher" (the comic, NOT the movie) in front of my eyes. It will hurt as hell, but anything would be better than to meet the DVD menu terror again!


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Behold my powers!

The Net was created for me! Or rather I was created for the Net.

This is fucking fantastic and will give a whole new dimension to my blog, the hot spot of the net.

By the way, my rates for not publishing stories on you just jumped up to the next level:

Plain story - 20£

Story with pictures - 50£

Story with VIDEO - 100£

Money may pe paid to me personaly, as soon as possible. And to your information to delete an allready published post will cost even more. Just as a teaser, here is a newsflash made 3 years ago from a demonstration in Oslo which went bad. It never made it to the Net before now. Thank you Video Google for giving me space.

Enjoy and think of the possibilities!





Emily: You remember the video I made for you? I just found a copy of it... Actually I found two videos, the one I made and the one you made for your english class... Video Google takes some time to verify the videoes (which they will do in the end, for sure), but you should be smart to pay before then. Have I told you that you forgot to turn off your password to MSN before you left to the states? I guess your buddies would enjoy a link later. Should we say 200£?


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Monday, February 06, 2006

Save us from life

I know this may be old news, but I still want to comment on this great idea.

You have probably heard that they are planning to put picture on cigarette packs. Now some of you may think "Picture of things like The Malboro Man riding into the sunset?", but this is not exactly correct. No they want to put up pictures like this (example from Brazil, GROSS):


brazil_fetus


And I think this is a great idea. Why haven't they done this before? Until Internet came it was quite hard to find such pics and with internet you got the option to go into pages like Rotten.com (enter at own risk) to se people who had been killed and overrun animals and also fetuses. You may also do an easy google search like "fetus+gross", but these kind of things have never been totally accepted in society, they had to be done in the dark. I mean nobody wants to admit that they enjoy such pics, but now the government makes this totally acceptable and give support to all us gross lovers.

I think they should actually go a step further, I mean why only have photo on cigarette packs when they can have pics on everything that's dangerous?

If you see a small toy you can see the incription "not for 3 years and younger, small parts". Here you could instead have a superb pic of a choced up kid. Or on cars you can have huge pics of people who have been totally crushed in a car accident. On a pack of sausages it would be great with som nice close up pics of the colesterol in fat peoples body (if you want to eat it you should know!), and on military propaganda you have tons of warning pics you could put in. I can't even imagine the pics you could put on a normal smoking, I mean people are using these things at parties and doesn't even know about the dangers which comes with such a thing!

So please go ahead, spize up the life of normal people an surround us with pics of what bad things which may happen to us. I mean I thought until now that it was safe to live, how stupid can I be?


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To old to play?

Howdy all.

I went out yesterday for a bit of fun. My friend mr. D thought it would be a good idea to go out at the bars at the University. I haven't been out there on a friday since 3 years ago, but we used to have a lot of fun there and the girls used to be hot. As I'm now single again I thought "Why the hell not?"...

mready
Me ready to go get some!

On the university of Oslo you got like 20 (at least a lot of) small bars, but each faculty have their own main bar. It depends normally on your mood which bar you go to. If you want to talk for a bit without taking of your coat, but then at ten o'clock throw it off to show off your new singlet, I would recomend the bar at the Faculty of Humanities.

If you have never dreamed of wearing a coat, but want to show off your new t-shirt which cost you every bit of your student loan and rather not speak, but dance like a white guy, you better go to the Faculty of Social Sciences. Here you might do all that and pretend that its really cool (and if you had 10 beers it is, for half an hour, promise).

Another option is the bar at the Faculty of Mathematics and Natural Sciences. Here you might talk to girls and pretend to be really into michrobiologics, but if you prove to be a liar they will not go home with you. So read a lexica first.

Anyhow we went out after a few beers at my place and we were quite ready to make this a good party.

mamrd


After two hours I feel pretty confused. We went to nearly all the different bars and it showed out there was not one familiar face at any of these. Hey, I've been studying for nearly 6 years and I should know someone! Since Mr. D once took some computer course at the University, with great failure, he thought it would be a good idea to at least check out the "we love math" pub, as that was his faculty back then. For sure he promised me, he would know someone. Well inside we spot 1 table, full of chics and my friend mr. D. says "Check that out!". I look at him, walks over to the table, and ask what's the occation for the celebration.

It shows out that one of the girls had birthday. She got, according to the rest of the girls "Soooooooo old" (they were drinking Bacardi Breezer...), at least much older than the rest of them. How old she got? 20... It was then I understood that I'm to old to play at the university anymore. Actually, I have to finish my master thesis as soon as possible.

Then I went home.

mehome


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Friday, February 03, 2006

Explanation on certain matters

Check this one. It explains A LOT!


Bush sr. explaining his relation to jr.


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Thursday, February 02, 2006

Allah Akhbar!

Hi all.

The last few days the mainstream and non-mainstream media has been covered with news regarding the mess in Palestine where Norwegian, Danish and French personell has been asked to leave the area after the media printed some drawings of Muhammed. Since 59% of you who enters my page don't come from any of these countries I, on behalf of the Norwegian society, will explain why its important to show these pictures (NSFW)...

It all started when a Danish child book didn't want to print pictures of Muhammed since its illegal to reprint his face according to islam. The Danish newspaper Jyllands-Postens picked up on this and invited some artists to draw their version of Muhammed. Soon after in their paper you could find this:


    Mohammeddrawingsnewspaper
    Larger version? Click here.


I have no problem to post these pics at my page as few people know who I am. The only one who may track me down is maybe the CIA, and they have never killed anyone, at least not civilians like me, have they?

This was of course picked up by the rest of the mass media and the drawings got huge headlines all over, and a Norwegian christian fundamentalistic magazine found these drawing so cute that they chosed to reprint them, even though the leader of this magazine is a main speaker to reinstate the blasphemical pharagraf in Norwegian law. This law once stopped "Life of Brian" to be shown at Norwegian cinema.

When the Islamic world saw these drawings they got offended and has now started a campaign to boycot Denmark, Norway and France (whom also printed the pictures). Some fundamentalistic groups went a step further and want all Scandinavians to leave Gaza. But why are these drawings so offensive? And should one give up the liberty of expression just because a whole religious society gets offended? I mean isn't it a Christian right to picture Mohammed as a maniac and a killer? In a free democratic society freedom of expression is necessary to keep the society working. One should for example have the right to wear wathever t-shirt one wants to at school or even at political meetings. Thats a plain right isn't it? I mean the people who doesn't enjoy these pics would be, according to Bordieus axis of cultural capital, probably left-wing and working as professors. Look, if I publish such funny material as this at my page:

    eternaljewlposter
    keypic


Who would be offended? I mean they are just for fun aren't they? The Jews have probably laughed a lot because of these pics during history. Why do the muslims then have to get so upset just because the West picture their religious symbol as the devil and a slayer? I mean what is a joke amongst friends... Hey, we are only trying to get some good integration over here and show you how much we know about your religion.

I got an idea. In the name of freedom of expression and my right to offend a whole community by drawing a picture which proves their whole religion to consist of lunatics I give you the pic "Father Thomas learning kids the meaning of the word given by Jesus Christ":

    untitled


I know I'm not a good drawer, but I think this pic would come to its real right when printed in a book such as "The pictorial Bible, teach your kids the values of christianity". So if anybody wants to you are more than welcome to use my pic. Free of charge! Hey, me trying to provoce anyone? No no no, this is only freedom of speech, I would never dream of insulting anyone...

I better stop now since I believe "The rightful army of Christ" will come and knock on my door. Probably they will try to convert me and make me come to their next halleluja meeting. And that would be worse than death.


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Pherotones or The Johnny Cane Band?

I FOUND IT! Pherotones was the reason why my blog was messed up. Ohhh now those ringtones makes me feel completely asexual. Ok my fault actually, I was n00bing around with HTML, but thanks to Mel my page is now working properly in IE again. I know it's bad to relaunch this post once more, but the vote is still on!

UPDATE:
As you all can see Dr. Myra Vanderhood has picked up on my poll after I left her a comment on it. So now we for sure will settle once and for all which is most arousing of her Pherotones and The Johnny Cane band (which by the way is not my favourite band, but for sure their music makes me steam! But compared to Pherotones? I'm not sure, so let the vote decide!)

I don't know if you have even seen it, but I have earlier told you about the ringtone provider Pherotones who claim to provide ringtones which will make both you and your partner in mood of some serious love.

I got a comment on that post from Kjell Olofsson, or someone who has stolen that famous footballplayers name. He writes:

Har et mye bedre tips til alle dere "horny studs" der ute. Spell musikken tel The Johnny Cane Band. En
sikker sak for å få jenta i spagat!


He claims, by english words, that The Johnny Cane Band is much more effective if you want the girls to show you some gymnastic tricks.

To test this out I have now released a new poll as the old one is over.

So feel free to give me your vote. Which kind of music makes YOU horny, Pherotones sexy ringtones or The Johnny Cane Band with their hot emotionally loaded songs? Ringtones from Pherotone you can find here (just click the "click to play" button to listen) and music from The Johnny Cane Band you can find here (just click "lytt" under the box "låter" to listen).

Listen to the different options and give yourself over to your sexual feelings. When the sound that makes it tickle in your private parts comes up put in your vote! And guys, don't be shy. Even I, the man of men, can't resist the feeling of sexual arousement this music gives to me. Let your emotions come loose and put in your vote!

The poll is to be found on the main page (if you can't find it, just type "www.omir.org" in your adress bar to get there directly) at the top of the right hand sidebar.

This poll is purely scientifical and I will get the report published in the Journal of Freuds Fantastic World (a highly knowned scientifical magazine) but for all you single hot girls out there: when the tickling gets good give me a call. As I said, I am the man of men.

NOTE TO EMILY:
Pherotones are only intended for people over 18 years, and The Johnny Cane Band only plays at places with an age limit at at least 20 (no country without whisky, right?). So stay away from both! Cheers from big brother.

Ps: Have I mentioned that mom has the same kind of shoes as you?
psps: Here is a blond joke for you.


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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I feel really bad now...

I'm sorry people. I should have thought before posting.... Of course it was wrong of me to invite you to meet me not until 6th of February at Oslo Documentary Festival, but now I will make it all good again!


    01


So tomorrow I hope to see you all at U1, the small ugly bar, at the University of Oslo, where all the "know how" people goes. You know these students who believe that an old coat may only be used for washing the floor. Here Superfamily will play some good music, so hopefully some cool people will also come. Hey it only costs 60 NOK and if the music sucks remember that the place is for students so the beer will be even cheaper! The doors open at 7 pm and the consert hopefully starts around 10 pm. But these guys will rock the floor so get there early!

Who the fuck is Superfamily you say? Listen here and feel that groovy music (if you put on windows mediaplayer vizualize it will look like an anus after 1:43)!


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Documentary cinema

Hi all!

I'm a bit busy studying, and since my blog is working a bit weird I haven't posted the last days.


    iraqiarmy


But if you want to meet me and know what I have done the last couple of days I will recomend you to come to Parkteateret monday 6th of February (for all who does not live in Norway: a flight to Oslo is not that expencive). Here they will show two documentary movies. One called "The American Ruling Class" which is a drama-documentary-musical (should be interesting), and according to the moviecompany: "A classic coming-of-age tale and an illuminating exploration of power in America". The second movie is a Norwegian documentary called "En hær i støpeskjeen" about the army in Iraq. The movie is made by Sigurd Falkenberg Mikkelsen who has followed the development of this army.

The first movie start at 18:00 and costs 50 NOK and the second starts at 20:00 and is free of charge. After the movies there will be a debate and I bet the temprature will get high! And of course they will serve beer, a reason in itselves to show up.

Read more at Oslo documentary cinema. See you there!


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