Tuesday, February 07, 2006

DVD menu stupidity

I'm for the moment locked up in Ski, far out in the forest.
To give you an idea this is the place:


Its not far out into the forest, just kind of very far. The next neighbour is living 2 clicks away...

No, this is not some kind of a punishment, but since my parents are on vacation someone have to watch their dysfunctional dog belonging mainly to my sister which we all presume has a slight sting of ADHD. That would be the dog and not my sister, but as we all know the dog often is quite like their owner.

Here is the dog:


My sister you can see here.

Anyway I'm stuck out there and I hope to finally get something down on paper regarding my master thesis.

Another favorite activity of mine while being out there is to watch DVD movies. But somethimes I wonder why they gave up the VHS and moved onto DVDs. Or rather, I wonder which stupid people who have the job to make DVD menus. First of all when you start a DVD you have to wait a looooong time until they have told you which company has produced the movie, but then you finally get to the DVD menu. Ah, I think, "Let the fun begin", but first I normally want to choose a subtitle, but what happens? When I choose the "Language option" the menu changes from the main menu to the language menu, and meanwhile doing this they thought it would be nice to show you some good scenes from the movie. Not only takes this long time, but it ruins the whole fucking movie! Heck, when I want to see the movie I will push "play" not "language"!

This goes on a few times and in the end I had seen the whole movie without even wanting to. Well, heck I think, maybe they have some good nude scenes and since that would be a loss not to see I finaly push "play". And what happens? I get half an hour with this:


Not only is this published in english, but also in 15 other languages! If I wanted to know how to write "Warning" in welsh I would have bought a language course and not "Troy". On a VHS you could fast forward through all this and get to the real movie (a bit annoying when my father managed the control as he used to fast forward until half the movie was gone...) but have you ever tried to push FF on a DVD remote before? Before you know it you have done just the same as my father did with a VHS and skipped 15 scenes into the movie.

So I went back to the main menu and tried to go straight to chapter 1. Again I had to see half the movie before I got to the sub menu (no nude clips this time eighter) and here I choose chapter one. And who would presume that chapter one starts off with this:


and chapter two is not until 10 minutes into the movie... So in the end I went and had a shower, made some food, read "War and peace" all the way through, until finally the warning messages was finished and the movie began.

Then comes another anoying fact about DVDs up. As it now was quite late I fell asleep, just before Helen was about to undress I believe, and then I discovered the true psycological torture which the DVD menu makers throw upon us.

You get so fucking frightened and confused when you wake up and the menu music, consisting of a ten second annoying music clip which comes on automaticly as the menu is reloaded when the movie is finished, has been played for the 87th time. Its like waking up to armageddon times ten. With that kind of terror in peoples homes it is not strange that you find wacko people at every corner these days. I got so frightened and fucked up in my head that I could not sleep for hours afterwards!

The worst thing? I had actually payed for this mess. Regarding the movie I understood the plot and story from what I saw in the menu, and the bonus stuff was only "deleted scenes" which means scenes that has been taken away because even Hollywood found them to insulting for the human intelectuality.

Next time I will download for free. They may arrest me and even lock me up in Guantanamo as a pirate terrorist (those laws goes for everything nowadays). They may even burn the first copy of "Punisher" (the comic, NOT the movie) in front of my eyes. It will hurt as hell, but anything would be better than to meet the DVD menu terror again!


At 2/08/2006 10:39:00 AM , Blogger morten said...

Hehe, "piracy harms the consumer", right?

How about this one: "Piracy funds terrorism". I heard that quite recently when watching Donnie Darko, a film which deals with many of the creative aspects of destruction. Hah!

Anyway I think the format for you would be the Laserdisc, highquality sound and image, combined with the option to skip, fastforward/rewind and do most anything you want. Only trouble is most films take more than one disc, so you have ta change discs in the middle of the film, which sucks.

Maybe the old VHSeseses weren't all that bad. Sigh.

At 2/08/2006 02:57:00 PM , Anonymous Gus Van Sant said...

Yo, that car looks like a terrorist truck! What the hell are you upp to man? Dont get any ideas by watching any Bowling or Elephant movies!

At 2/08/2006 04:12:00 PM , Anonymous Emily den heite said...

The only true terror in that house is the dog hehe, he can drive anyone insane, if they ever are gonna find mr. Laden , Dalmos Amandus the Second is the solution, that dog chews army boots like chicken nuggets! Meanwhile im cleaning up about 3 liters of dog piss everyday from our dog here in the states, shes a pain in the a ! Miss my Hero. kiss him from me and tell him I love him!!! Dont let him eat ur sweat shirt.


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