Sunday, February 26, 2006

Stupidity at work

Hi again all. I'm at work at the busterminal today, sitting in the counter answering all kinds of questions.

I'm feeling a bit dizzy since I was out yesterday and had to get up quite early today, not a good combination. But yesterday was quite cool exept for the fact that i dropped a girl to the dance floor, literarly. I'm sorry for laughing so hard about it Miss E, and not even did I do the effort to help you as I was cramping up. But I still think it is quite funny. And the way I remember it in my head today it is even funnier. You should ask Mr. Ø to take revenge on your behalf, on the other hand he threw frozen tomatoes at me so maybe we are even...

As I said I am at work answering questions on where and when buses go or arrive. But people have to think I am The Oracle in Oslo cause they actually believe I can answer anything. And this is quite allright except for the fact that people get angry when I can't answer their question. And they have a desperate lack of humor.

For example when sombody ask me "How much does the bus cost?" and I reply "The bus? A couple of millions I presume" some people don't find this funny. They reply by saying "That much!? They have to be insane, I will not pay that much for a bus trip!". These people should be kept locked inside in some dark room.

Another hightimer is people who come to me to get small change so they can enter the toilet. This is of course not a problem, but please, I am not interested in what you will do in there. Information like "Oh fuck, I really have to shit, give me some change!" or "I have to change my tampon, its been a while now." is not nessescary for me to get.

I get some quite funny questions while I sit here and cause I am kind today I will give share with you some of the most funny questions:

- When does the boat go from Stocholm to Helsinki?
(This is a busterminal situated in Oslo)

- When does the plane leave to Alta from Oslo airport?
(Still this is a busterminal)

- Is there no more buses leaving for Paris today!?
(Asked at 11pm, there is one bus with connection to Paris and it leaves once a week)

- Is it really half an hour until next departure?
(About a bus which leaves twice a day)

- Could you help me carry my couch (2 meter long and huge thing) which I want to bring with me on the bus?

- Could you drive me home?
(Guy who lost the last nightbus)

- I was late for the bus, could you ask the driver to hold the bus in Drammen while I catch the train?
(Passenger request, an hour after the bus left)

- When does the bus to Bergen go? No not today, I will not travel until next summer.
(Question asked around christmas)

- Is platform 9 hard to find? It's so huge in here!
(Passenger leaving to the airport to catch a plane to Heathrow, London. Oslo bustermnal is one straight long hall with the platforms on the sides)

- Is the bus trip comfortable?

- Can you please take away the water in the streets? It's impossible to walk!
(On a day with heavy rain)

- I have waited for the bus an hour now and it still haven't arrived! Where I've been waiting? Inside, in the middle of the hall as you told me that was where the platform was!

- I have to clean up after I was drunk and puked on the floor?

- Does the bus stop close to the gas station at (some small place I've never heard off or at least not been at) ? I mean then the gas station close to the lampost, not the other one.

- Why is there a sign saying platform 1-26 when the train station is in the other direction?
(WTF? I had a problem to understand the logic of that one, and tried hard not to laugh into the face of the next customer)

- Is it smart of me to send my 3 year old kid alone on the bus?

- I have sent my 3 year old kid alone on the bus and I'm stuck in traffic. Could you check if he is ok?

- Habei sie eine gerüchtenslecht am den bus gegen laben?

- Thai mat li na rai?

- Daruska babuska lurva kurwa polenski monski spaziba?

- You don't speak german/french/russian/thai/welch?

- Where is my brother?
(First of all, who the fuck are you?)

- Ole, would you like to work double today?

That was some of the questions you might get. But I could go on forever if you like me to. I'm happy that I am studiyng. I mean some of my collegues have been here now for 20 years. Yikes! But I do earn a living here, and I could have done worse, for examle working as alterboy at the local church. Then I would have been in the company of even crazier people. That would have been a horrible destiny, and probably at times involving dressing up in smoking. That thought gives me the chills!

Here, for all of you, the first prize for most concerning father of the year goes to:


At 2/26/2006 04:52:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

...og jeg som ikke engang ante at du hadde noe med fallet (det ene av dem) å gjøre. Har i ettertid tenkt at det var meg det var noe galt med. Uten at jeg har funnet ut hva. Var det du som sprettet knappen i blusen min også? Hvis så tror jeg ikke du og Ø er skuls lenger.

At 2/27/2006 02:47:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Som ikke-pensjonert lektor er det godt å kunne lese en side der sult, sex og satanisme ikke er tema. Nå er det kommet meg for øret at de Hr Ole Omir, driver en form for folkeopplysning. Hr Itter virket fornøyd, derfor våger også jeg meg frempå med et aldri så lite spørsmål. Det er ikke mange årene siden det var helt naturlig og kollegialt det å kunne ta seg en røk, både på lærerværelset og i klasserummet blant børn. I dag er dette forbudt ved lov. Skal det igjen bli mulig å kunne ta seg en røk der røkere helst trives, altså inne blant barn og ikke-røkere, ja da må noen nye facts frem i dagen.
Ville det ikke vært en god ide om enn istedet for å fokusere på røkens mange ulemper, istedet vektla de helsemessige gevinstene enn får ved att inhalere cigarettdamp. Kort sagt. Mitt spørsmål til deg Hr Ole Omir er om det finnes noen helsefremmende stoffer i en cigarett? Skaffes slike facts tilveie, ja da er det ikke lenge før vi igjen kan dampe med god samvittighet. Er de sporty, tar de denne utfordringen? Våre barn vil sende deg takksigelser langt inn i de kommende decennier.

At 2/27/2006 06:42:00 PM , Blogger ohz said...

you are causing me to procrastinate even more. will you stop it?
also how did you find my blog?

At 3/01/2006 09:15:00 AM , Blogger Ole said...

To Mr. Svælg.

I will be more than honored to get an answer to your question, but I got one problem.

I presume the tobacco companies must have gone into hiding cause I can't find any page with their email adress. I have sent a request to the Norwegian Cancer Association, but honestly I don't think they will answer me.

So if anyone out there could help me to find an adress to any tobacco company I would be most grateful so I can continue my public service to the people.

To Even Steven:

I did not unbutton any blouse. At least not yours.

To Suzie:

By magic!



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