Thursday, July 27, 2006

Monkey customers

I'm back at work.... Again. It's freaking boring. Right now there where actually 5 people stabbed outside of the terminal. But still that's kind of normal down here.

A couple of days ago I had one of the funniest requests ever thoug. In our counter we sell what we call "Flexicard". They look like this:




This card gives you 8 rides on transportation inside Oslo (but it is not cheaper than 8 single tickets tyhough...) For each ride there is a clearly marked area which you have to stamp. On this area it say 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 or 8. When you have stamped one of these areas you have used one ticket. I hope you understand now, if not send in your questions here.

Now this lady wanted to know how she will know when all the 8 tickets had been used. I was looking pretty dumbstruck I believe since she looked like a normal person. Not a mentally retarded one. I told her that the card is finnished when all the tickets has been stamped. "Does the machine count the number of tickets?" is her next question. At this moment I am almost starting to laugh and I show her on her card where she should stamp and tells her that she has 4 rides left. Still she has a problem to grasp this but after 5 minutes of explaining and counting she finally understands that one should stamp each ticket one time only, not five like she had done.

I managed not to laugh. n the other hand I laughed loud and clearly into the face of the old woman who told me "Nobody takes consideration of me you see." Imagine if I should go around complaining like that all the time. That would have been fun. "Nobody takes consideration of me and my unibrown you see."

Now I have to go since someone is running around with a shotgun inside the terminal.


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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Job opportunity!

I have found a job opportunity for all my friends who have finished their master thesis (so far none...)

On this site you can find an ideal job where you can make use of everything you have learnt through your studies. Those wild parties comes in handy after all. This is the job (click for larger image):


jobb

For all non-norwegian speaking: The job is to be an erotic audioliterature reader. You will have to use your most sexy voice and read into a microphone (no I have no idea about the shape of the microphone...)so blind people or people who can't hold a book and jerk off at the same time, can enjoy such high class literature. In other words it might be seen as a job for the common good. Imagine how much easier it will be when we don't have all these sexual frustrated blind people walking around.

To get the job it says you have to be openminded... whatever that means. So go ahead, apply today, I bet there is thousands of people out there waiting to hear just your sexy voice telling naughty things into their ear. Hey, such a thing can make you famous! And what a gem to have on your CV.


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Emily killed JFK?

I was just going to search up some really ugly pics for the "Emily - Hot or Not" ballot when I saw something quite interesting. Apparently there is a chance that my little sister Emily actually killed John F. Kennedy.


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By accident I found this page where one may vote on who killed Mr. Kennedy.

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One of the options you could choose was my little sister..... Who would have guessed? I actually would have.

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Now this vote is over, but my little sister pulled one vote so she have to share position with Lee Harvy Osvald, Mick jagger, Osama Bin Laden and Mr. Kennedys dildo.

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But clearly people only reacted as they where suposed to since CIA won the poll... I bet you my sister may have done it. I will ask her next time I see her what she did 22. of November 1963. Meanwhile I would take all possible precautions if I where you.

To give you a chance to state your opinion on the matter I have made a poll for you positioned on the right hand sidebar. So go ahead, click on your favourite option!

emy


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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Emily the tatooed lady.

We had a family gathering this weekend. During this gathering, where we discussed several academical topics such as if its by having sex my brother has developed a sixpack. My sister Emily on the other hand claimed that she had gotten a tattoo while she was in the states.

First she told us that it was done by a woman and that it was situated on her butt. Later, when my mom wanted to see the tattoo, Emily claimed the story to be false.

Now me and my brother did not believe this and nice brothers as we are we thought of it as a nice gesture to check the reality of the story, but our mother was not found of this idea ("Let go of your little sister and stay away from her ass!", truly a memorable quote from my mother). But now I really wonder what kind of a tattoo Emily has gotten.

While singing this song:


Oooooooh

Emily oh Emily, say have you met Emily,

Emily, the Tatooed Lady.

She has eyes that folks adore so,

And a torso even more so.


I will present some options for you.

First off there is a chance that she has gotten herself a traditional Tramp Stamp



Or maybe even this classy one:

exitonly

I mean, she has been to white trash country and who know what stupid thing she may have done. Even this image wouldn't surprise me.

But actually I believe a Tramp Stamp is a bit under her leauge, only slightly I have to admit. I believe she maybe got something like this, a classic Cute Girl tattoo which there are millions of out there (soooo boring I believe):



Or maybe even something as stupid as this:



Since she was a while in the USofA she might also have gone for this solution:



That would have given me the best laugh ever.

But actually I believe all of this to be wrong. I bet you one night in bed with me (for all the nice women out there, NOT for Mr. Jostein Sæter) that she has a tattoo on her right butt with a picture of me, which says: "Ole is the coolest brother ever!"

Please tell me your guess on what kind of a tattoo Emily got and I will somehow find out what is correct. Meanwhile you may sing this song:

Oooooooh

Emily oh Emily, say have you met Emily,

Emily, the Tatooed Lady.

She has eyes that folks adore so,

And a torso even more so.


There is a dance following this song, and if you all behave I will consider posting it for you to learn it properly...


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Monday, July 24, 2006

Rescue for Libanon

Hahahaha I just had an interesting incident. I was reading BBC News on the net when I saw the headline "Rice arrives in Lebanon". I thought "How good, at least these poor people can get some food after the Israelians have bombed them back to the stone age." Of course I was wrong. I'm sorry to tell all of you Libanesian out there that there will be no food for you. On the other hand I can tell you that you are now truly fucked. Just read the article youreself. This is what is coming your way:


condi

If I was Libanese right now I would run, but of course for many of you that is not an option. But please, for your own well being, commit suicide as soon as possible to espcape the precense of this horrible creature. I promise you, a meeting with her will be worse torture than a bomb dropped by Israelian forces.

I recomend to use a gun, quick and easy. Good luck! And there is no reason to wait for the real rice to arrive. I'm sorry to say but I don't think anyone has sent any.


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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Happy Summer!

Summer is finally here and I have had a jolly good time in the sun. Most of the time I have been drinking, singing and enjoying myself.

But I have not been updating my blog as you have allready seen. Luckily many of you seem not to have noticed and you still check for updates once in a while. To satisfy your needs I will therefore give you an update on what I am doing. Cause I have actually done other things than just drinking.

Amonst other things I have helped my friend Mr. A smashing down a wall in his apartment.


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That was actually quite fun, especially since I got to show my fantastic strength.

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I also got the interesting experience to see how I will look when my hair turns gray. Rather handsome I would proclaim.

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We took down the wall rather quick since we were 3 strong men and one even stronger lady. The problem was that Mr. A started to give us beer before we finished cleaning up. I guess his place still has a ton of bricks scattered around.

But I have also been reading hard. I actually had a lecture on propaganda in totalitarian states as part of my master and recieved the grade A since my lecture clearly "was well influenced by the theme I had chosen" as my sensor said it. I Guess my co-students never will pick on me on the amounts of books I have gathered on my desk.

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I believe I got half the library there.

If you wonder why I got two unicycles by my desk it's because I had a couple of juggling shows. One at the summer party for my studies. 5 girls started crying when I put the torch through my pants. Clearly they believed that was the end of the fun we have had. I also had a show in a kindergarten where a friend of mine is working.

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Clownsatsnet

Clownoppnet

Me as a turkey with its tail on fire. The kids love it and their parents even more.

So as you all can see I have been quite busy. I have also been working, but that is not much fun, so I will not give you that story.

But I have started with one new thing. I am trying to get a driving license for motor bike. Some people claim that the chance of dying escales by 100 percent when driving a motor bike. But I already got a monster between my legs which puts me in deadly danger every time i leave my apartment, so I believe that one more will not hurt that much.

Take care all, enjoy the summer weather and keep on checking in as I believe some goodies will come your way in the future. By the way, youtube canceled my account for videoposting. I don't know why, but probably it was eighter because I posted myself taking a dump or because I uploaded copyright material. Anyhow all my videos are gone. Sorry!

Last but noy least, congratulations to Mr. M and Miss M for getting their music played on radio. Check out Cobra Kai as this band soon will rock a place close to you!

Take care and thanks for all the muffins!


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