Wednesday, January 31, 2007

My new house

I have just found the perfect house to buy! It's 7000 square meters big, has three floors and has installed fiber optic cables, toilets and all other facilities. The best thing is that you may drive a truck straight in and it only costs 2,2 billion NOK.

Theres only one problem. The housing is placed in Narvik, in the north of Norway. In other words it's dark and desolated.




Above is a picture of Narvik on a day with good weather and an expensive camera. Here is the real view:



But with the apartment one may buy an ammunition factory for the low price of 750k, so one may keep work close to home. And I promise you, the weapon industry is going well these days.

It's of course the Norwegian military which is selling out their old facilities since Norway does not need defense anymore. We just strike first. It's interesting though that this military facilities are actually just really big caves. I thought it was only Mr. bin Laden who was uncivilized enough to use a cave for army operations.

My mother would not support me, but if anyone else are into this project I got 30k in savings which I'm more than willing to contribute with.

And now for something completely different. Is this guy color blind? Or has he just never seen himself in a mirror?


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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Woman not suposed to be funny?

I just read something really weird. The Norwegian daily Aftenposten have this fanzine every Friday called A-Magasinet. This week their cover stated "Why women are not funny"




In this article the writer, a woman herself, proclaims that "Men want a woman who laughs of their jokes, not a woman who is funny herself".

It's not often I go out publicly to protect manhood, except my own which is huge as hell I promise you, but this time I really felt the urge. The fact that the writer has found a guy, probably from the Norwegian counterpart of South Dakota, who proclaim that he wants an "obedient woman who looks well and does a good job in the kitchen. I take care of the humor, not her." does not emphasize that all men does not want humorous women. I bet you his house is as boring as listening to the kings annual speech



(who the hell listen to that thing? I bet you it's the guy mentioned above, funniest thing happened in his life each year. I feel really sorry for his wife. If he has one...)

I promise hereby, to all women out there which I love so much, that I could not live without your jokes and your humor (except the one about my size. Jokes based on reality is no fun, it's actually close to hate crime. Please remove that one from the web). I believe that if there where no women out there with a sense of humor and a joke or two or thousand, I could not live, neither could they have lived with me. And someone should visit Aftenposten and tell them what century we are living in. Or make them move to South Dakota. And please someone; tell the writer of the article to find a new man, though it does not surprise me that she share her last name with our prime minister, not exactly the funniest chap in the block.

But I do still appreciates when you laugh of my funny-as-hell jokes once in a while. Except for the size thingy. It was not meant as a joke!


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Monday, January 29, 2007

Ole the insultinator

I have just managed to insult a 40 year old lady. I'm sorry, but it was actually her fault, and I take no responsibility.

As I'm leaving for Galapagos next month I had to get a vaccination for yellow fever. The problem is that every time I'm off to get a vaccination they always want me to get everything on their list. This time was no different. Probably they recieve a good amount of cash for each needle they put into my body.




This time I though not to get anything else than the yellow fever. Just a quick in and out. The doctor did not agree with me on this matter. She wanted to check out in her book what I should get. Now I have travelled a bit in my life, and I told her that I have every vaccination that is needed. When she began talking about malaria I thought "Here we go again." I told her that I had no interest in taking malaria tablets, and that there are none in Galapagos or Qito, but no she had to consult someone. She also found out in her big book that there is plague in Equador. Then she started reading out loud that one should not get bitten by the rats.... Well I try not to get buitten by the rats even in Norway. In the end we both found it most useful that I should take my yellow fever and also upgrade my Twinrix, hepatit A & B, to make it last a lifetime. I had then told her that the worst thing I would meet would not be the rats but these guys:



If so, there would be no help with a vaccination.

Now finaly we are ready to make the shot I thought, but no, she asked me if I wanted some general information on traveling and health. Stupid as I am I said "No, I don't need it." I even forgot to say thank you. That was the end of our friendly relationship. Not only had I so far tried to tell her how to do her job as a vaccination doctor, but now I also dismissed her and her knowledge of travelling. I'm a horrible person. She sat a bit baffeled and said "In so case I have to write in my report that you want no information!" I told her that I allready know that one shall not eat food found on the street. I meant it litteraly, but as a joke. She didn't think it was that funny, and probably thought I was a dickhead not to accept her knowledge.

In the end I agreed to take som brochures with me just to make friends again, but I did not accept her offer on a vaccination against diarrhea. But she was still not happy with my "know-it-all" attitude. I recomend you all to accept the vaccination ladies informatione, cause those needles she gave me stung like hell, just as my bill did in the end no matte how hard I tried to make it low.

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Saturday, January 27, 2007

Woman on a box

Are you lonely, are you suffering, do you have really hard time getting in contact with the oposite sex, do you love the smell of shrimps? This is something for you then.

In my last post I told you that I was checking out the porn industry in my search for a job. I have to say it didn't seem the best work for me as a part of the job clearly is to review DVD's such as "Anna and the real big king", "English nymphomaniacs" and "Anal festure 5". To write things such as "In this movie Susie takes the dildo all the way from her ass to the mouth" is not really a thing I want to do. But while checking this out, clearly out of a professinal concern, I found the weirdest product ever: Vulva Original, authentically original vaginal favour.




This is a perfume, according to the producer, which smells like a vagina. You are supposed to "apply it to the back of your hand and sniff. Your libido will take care of the rest by itself". If this product isn't wierd enough they have even made a commercial movie. I have nothing against the smell of women, but when you need this smell on a box you have to have a shortcut or two. But clearly the prefered public for this product is not your average man:



Combined with the product Pherotones or The Johnny Cane Band, I believe this product may bring you to new heights.

The most concerning aspect of this though is not the people walking arond with a box of vaginal smell on them or how this thing is actually made. Its the producers plan to make other products. As stated in their FAQ, where they also claim that this product must be kept away from children,:

"What about a product for women?
Of course! You will see it will be the next revolution."


I allready feel a bit sick just by the thought of such a product.

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Thursday, January 25, 2007

Hunt for work

As I'm pretty fed up of managing the bus terminal and have finished my studies I am searching for work these days. If you have a job for a master in mediastudies give me a call.

But you have to hurry up cause today I found the perfect job. MP Media Norway needs an editor slash journalist for their magazines. I thought "Could be interesting.." until I saw their homepage. Then I thought "Perfect!" It tourned out that this is one of their fanzines in Norway.




The fact that they have a magazine called "Sextream" only makes this job better. Imagine leaving for work proclaiming "Goodbye, I'm of to work now! Wank me luck!" Fantastic.

If I do this job well I hope one day to move over to their Czech department to work with their magazine "Escort" and their movie department. Or maybe even one of their webpages. I just can't wait!


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Monday, January 22, 2007

WTF?

As many of you know I am quite fond of disturbing video clips. I really love Americas Funniest Home Videos, especially when they show videos of people hurting themselves. The more the better:




Even funnier are people having trouble in their own wedding. Fainting grooms videos are some of my favorite. I can't nearly breathe after watching stuff like this:



So yes I have to admit, I am a sick person. I have still not considered getting professional help as my mother have been analyzing me my whole life. But yet I have a long way to go to get to the point of being completely fucked of as these people are. This is maybe the number 1 most disturbing video I have ever found on the web. And I promise you, I have seen a lot.



If you need an explanation of why this is fucked way beyond normal wickedness I believe you should consult a doctor. Personally I believe the whole video is a fake. Though when I look at these people I fear it is not. The worst thing though is the interviewer laughing...

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Friday, January 19, 2007

Army 101

The other day I asked if the Americans had done nothing good after their conquer of Mesopotamia. Clearly this was a stupid question. How can they contribute to any development when their army acts like this:




When you can't even jump out of a boat you can much less colonize a country. Even better is this guy who while rappelling down three meters manages to smash his face up. Even my sister could do better. And she can't even drive according to her driving censor...



No then it's much better to watch the Norwegian army whom at least have some artistic sense while visiting other cultures and blowing them up:



But hey there are always a new generation growing up and probably the next generation of G.I. Joe's will turn out much smarter. Or maybe not:


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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Advanced terrorism

This is an old newsflash, but I kind of just can not let it go unpassed. Not long ago this video started flourishing on the Net:




As you might see the video is showing a computer game where Arab looking people are attacking American looking soldiers. Now both the media and the American congress went berserk and claimed that Mr. Bin Laden and his hillbilly gang Al-Qaeda was making computer games wherein they learn young people how to be terrorists. Parents all over the globe where getting concerned and started spying on their kids. How Al-Qaeda could make this grat looking game from their Afghan caves was of concern to no-one. As we all know they can do anything these days as long as media write it.

This was an important thing on every anti-terrorists agenda until one day some gamers came out and could inform the patriotic anti-terrorists that the video was from a game called "Battlefield2" a game made by Americans and the favorite of millions of youths around the globe (including me).



Now suddenly all the concerned parents where no longer worried. They all said: "Ah, the game is made by Americans? How patriotic! Well go on and blow up some virtual people my son."

The funniest part of this story is that the game Americas Army made by the American Army to recruit young kids to kill terrorists has been on the market for quite a while with no-one complaining. This is clearly naturally as American soldiers have never hurt anyone who did not deserve it.


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Bringing you western humanity

Finally The States of America managed to give some of its well known democracy to Iraq. Rumor has it that children all over العراق, or Mesopotamia as it is also known as, are playing the good old western game hang man.

Now americans really know how to get rid of unwanted elements. If you want to you may even take the Virtual Prison Tour of Florida Department of Correction. How they presume that their highly sanitized way of killing people may correct anything is still a mystery for me though. But the most awesome part of this place is that you are not allowed to smoke on death row. Why? Because it can kill you! What a fantastic way of thinking.




Now USA thought of it as a great idea to learn Iraq how to execute people, now I believe that Iraq now this tradition far better than USA, but they both know that it is only stupid people who use such a tradition without using it as entertainment for the masses. In the good old days this was a very pleasing way to spend a Saturday for many. Enjoying your lunch while watching someone die.



Nowadays the market square has been changed out with television and therefore we could all enjoy the hanging of Saddam while eating dinner. Now the pictures we received on the telly was very sanitized. There were no sound and the video was of course cut of long before they let Saddam fall down the hatch. They are by no means barbaric while bringing democracy to Mesopotamia. This was what we saw:



Personally I found this even worse than the real thing as if this version is just a game. It's as if CNN tells you "Relax it, enjoy your meal, this is just a game and of no concern for you. Only a man going to be killed."

Now I have also seen the real thing, and when looking at it I wonder if the States have brought nothing to Iraq. Just look if you want.



Now by seeing this I wonder "What is actually USA doing in this country?" I mean just look at Bravehart. An amazing movie with a great execution seen at the ending where William Wallace cries out "Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedooooom!" Great pic! And take a look at the hanging of Ohmar Mukhtar in Lion of the Desert another great executional scene. But in the filming of the hanging of Saddam what happens? The Americans have been in that place for 3 years now and still they haven't managed to learn the Iraqians to hold a phone camera still. What a horror!

Luckily they arrested the guy later on. Clearly because of his bad filming, such a thing can not be accepted in a democratic country. But I guess Iraq still have a long long way before they can truly learn and appreciate American culture the way it should be consumed.


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Saturday, January 13, 2007

Blogger beta sucks

Ah I hate the new blogger beta now. Because of it my comments form is no longer working. You will have to use the old blogger comments link... I know it's stupid, but they have implemented some sort of blogger comment security. And there is still no hack out to fix it. I will plan my transition to Wordpress, but until then you have to keep om living in the stoneage with me. Sorry

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

I got money!

Something amazing happened today. This is the first time ever in my life. I have to state that I'm nearly an adult now.

No mom, I'm not going to be a father, god forbid. I can't even be responsible for my own life. Much less take care of a small pink thing, lying in a bed crying. But I'm a person of wealth! At least some. I went into my net bank and saw something amazing. I had received 322,63 Norwegian crowns in interest for last year! Earlier this amount has been something like 2,25 or 0,67 or even written in red like this -677,56. But not this time! I'm rich! Mohahahahaha.




The fact that this was the only money I got and that half of the amount already had disapeared since I had less than zero on my account is of no great matter in this point. You may kiss my feet.

Now I have to go and read me up on some Norwegian history from WWII. Tomorrow I have an appointment with Mr. Blindheim, one of the few heroes from the Norwegian resistance during the German occupation who is still alive.



He is also one of the few who has claimed that something is wrong with the official occupation history. The man is 90 years old and has a bad hearing, but he told me it would be great to have a chat with me. I'm so looking forward to it, it's close to meeting Che Guevara in persona. If you have any questions concerning Norwegian occupation history tell me ASAP and I will bring them to the original source. If your lucky maybe I will give you a report on the conversation. So long!

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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Google paranoia II

I have already admitted that I'm a bit paranoid. Not like mental sickness paranoid, just sort of the normal healthy kind. The kind where you know that CIA is cooperating with the Norwegian daily Aftenposten.

Now some of you might ask "Aftenposten and CIA? Where is the connection." But for the ones of you who must have been living at a foreign planet the last 20 years I recommend you to look at their "funny" daily quote. Its a small notice stating quotes such as "Fabian hoped to become major candidate, but it will be Annelise. Goal out and hawk over hawk." Who understands such rubbish? And beside this nonsense they got the picture of a sorry looking dog:


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Well most of us knows that it is NOT a touch of Gods interference that this "funny" thing is printed in part two, page five. That would be 2nd of May, the date of the death of J. Edgar Hoover. Coincidence? I think not! Of course these small gibberish notes are secret messages sent over to the States to control our society.

Anyhow, this is of course not news for the most of you. Heck everybody know this, don't we? But I found something far more disturbing the other day. Since I try to apply for work these days I'm quite concerned about what you might find on me if you use good old Google search. For examle if this blog pops up I'm truly fucked. But the other day I tried to combine Google image search with my full name. I was shocked. I'm a young man with blond hair an quite handsome. My problem is that so is this guy (not that handsome though):



This is horrible. By searching my full name you get only 6 pictures, and one of them is a blond guy dressed in a Hitler Jugend uniform rising his hand in a classical fascist salute.

In my defense I have to say that I can not remember this picture being taken. Probably I was really really drunk at the time. Do you think my future employer will accept this excuse?

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Monday, January 08, 2007

Devaluation of my intelect

Hello my fellow citizens of the world! Long time no see. I am sorry that my blog has been rather boring the last few months, or rather half a year, but I had to write my master thesis, and in August I understood that this blog was much more fun to write on than my thesis, so I had to stop.

But now this thesis is finished! Yay, and I am done with 6 1/2 year of studying.


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As you can see the front page of my thesis it was amazing. So was the things written inside. Even though my censors did not agree with me on this matter. My oral exam, which I had after they had read my report went like this.

Censor1 -We have read your report and we think you have a lack of theory. You touch upon some foreign theory on terrorism and also speak about media theory and effect, but it is not enough.

Censor2 -Also your analytical material doesn't start before page 52. You have way to much theory in your thesis.

At this point I was getting concerned. They actually told me this, both of them sitting in the same room. Now before I continue with this story I have to tell you that my thesis was a comparative analysis between a Norwegian newspaper during the WWII and their coverage on the Norwegian resistance vs. the same daily today and their coverage of the attack on "USS Cole" before and after September 11th. Now of course as one of my cases of study was how the Nazis defined the Norwegian resistance as terrorists and also how, by the objective definition given by the old UN boss Mr. Kofi Annan and also by the Genova convention, this was correct, I was already fucked from the beginning. You may, if you don't read it well, believe I'm a crazy neo-nazi or a hardcore commie who should have been placed at the warm earth of Guantanamo bay, getting a free meal and a spanking a day, long time ago.

My thesis was called "A fight for reality; terrorists and freedom fighters in a media historical perspective". In the beginning I had written with bold letters that the topic of the thesis would be to compare the coverage of terrorism and the ethical usage of this term between a newspaper under totalitarian control and a newspaper in a democratic society. One of the topics I also touched upon was how there is no real definition of the word terrorism, one mans freedom fighter may be another mans terrorist. But I had also written that for the thesis I would rest upon the definition given by Mr. Annan. This is how my oral exam went further:



Censor2 -How come you don't define terrorism? You talk a lot about different problems with such a definition, but you never give one yourselves?

I was nearly asking him if he had even read my report at this time. But the next question was even worse.

Censor2 -You say in your thesis that it will look upon terrorism in a historical perspective. Where is this so called historical perspective.

I, myself find this perspective quite obvious in a comparative analysis between a paper written during WWII and one written today. But clearly my sensor does not define 66 years as historical. I have to say I got quite upset as they gave my thesis a D. In reality this grade states that they thought my thesis sucks. But after my oral the put me up on a C. And then as a final statement I received this message.

Censor1 -Your writing is really bad. Your sentences are not connected and the structure of your reasoning is not good at all. Have you used a spelling check? Has anybody else read your thesis.

At this point I thought they were going a bit to far as 5 people, different ones, had read my thesis, and yes I had used a spelling check. And not at least, I know I am a good writer. But I just smiled to her and said, yes and that I could not understand how it could be that bad. But she explained to me that she was a linguistic and she knew the difference between good and bad writing. I did not tell her to show her knowledge up a very special place. I am all to kind for that. On their way out the sensors told me that I should keep on writing and send some applications to the fond for practical media studies. Totally confusing comment I believe. But they also stated, in front of all my co-students that a doctors degree in media studies was maybe not the way to go.

Because of this I was angry for about a week. Or maybe a week and a half. But noone will stop me from writing! Mohahahahaha


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Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy new year!

Happy new year everybody! I know it has been a long time since I have written anything on my blog now. This will not be a update on my last achievements, but just a short update on last nights celebration.

Last night I was at some friends house celebrating. It was quite fun, especially since most people were more drunk than me. My friend Mr. D. was absolutely not sober so he just had to show off with some chest hair, of course glued on for the evening:


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Mr. D. is not to happy of having his face plastered all over the web so I had to remove his ugly appearance. But luckily for him someone else also wanted to show off their chest:

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His girlfriend was also happy about this as she was laughing her hart out when we took the picture (Who the girl on the pic is? I have no idea).

At 12 o'clock I went out to see the firecrackers, but I have to admit that I saw close to nothing as it was raining and there was vision close to nothing. This vision was not because I had been drinking to much. Maybe more because of the smoke coming from the cigar my girlfriend was enjoying:

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She was really proud because she managed to inhale the smoke coming out of it. I tried to explain her that a cigar should not be inhaled, but would she listen to me, the experienced smoker? No I think not.

Because of her imagination making her believe she knew better than me the gods of rain played her a trick later on. As we were walking home the rain had turned to ice on the ground. With new rain upon it. As my girlfriend was slightly drunker than me she didn't managed to handle this so she fell really hard and cut her lip. I was not allowed to take a picture of this, but there were quite a lot of blood:

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When she woke up today she couldn't quite remember that she fell, so when she wondered why her body was hurting so much and why her lip was swollen up 10 times I told her she managed to get in a fight on the party. She did not believe me though, but as a revenge she is now telling everyone that it was me who beat her up. I expect the police to be on my front door shortly.

That was the short story of the new years party. But another story is that my little sister Emily is trying to get her drivers license.

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She has already failed once as she hit a pedestrian on her final test. She said it was not her fault because, and I quote: "The fucker was walking in the middle of the street!" She still has something to learn concerning traffic lights. One of her favorite hobbies while driving is to speed up in front of a crosswalk and then brake hard just before it so the poor people who wants to cross get frightened. She thinks this is especially fun with old ladies. In other words this license will turn out expensive.

Thats all for now. I will soon give you all an update on my life, but until then you may enjoy this good old sing-along-song:


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