Smoking Kills (and it looks hilarious)

Taste yer own medicine!

2007-03-29T06:21:00.000+02:00

We have all read, seen and heard about the 15 British soldiers who have been captured by Iranian forces after they allegedly entered Iranian territory. Of course the Brits says that this has never happened and that the soldiers was inside UN boundaries.

Now Iran has an old conflict with Mesopotamia concerning this area, so they do not quite agree on these internationally set boundaries. Anyway I love how the Iranians answer to the British pressure.

We have heard over and over again the last 6 years the line "We do not negotiate with terrorists". This line has been used to start several wars, and arrest some couple of thousand peoples without verdict. Mr. Putin is especially found of this line after his buddy, Mr. Bush, told him it it was a perfectly good excuse to stop those bloody Chechen's for claiming their independence.

But now the Iranians have learned the western way of negotiating.

The Iranian president, Mr. Ahmadinejad, is quite good in his propaganda effort. He might be a bastard and claim that all Israelians must die, according to western media. This claim might work well inside Iran, but it's not so popular for the western public. But he manages to play a dual role in his propaganda effort. Every time he goes abroad he dresses up in a suite, he speaks perfectly good English, a lot better than me, and he has incorporated the tricks of western propaganda.

So what does he say when the Brits claim they will make a stop to Iranian business and give him a good old nuke if he don't behave? He uses the good old statement which we all have known to adore:

"We had a policy for 27 years not to give after for extortion."

Thats a state of the art western propaganda line which everyone has learnt to understand as correct and meaningful. It's actually just the same line as the Brits have used against IRA for the last 60 years or so.

What Mr. Ahmadinejad do by making this statement is to poke Blair on his shoulder, slowly raise the middle finger, and gently whisper into his ear "Up yours..."

And then he sing this song all the way home:

I'm a cheerleader!

2007-03-25T13:40:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I went to check out the Norwegian championship in cheerleading were I hoped to see my sister Emily make a fool of herself. Actually her team won the main contest so now she runs around like a mentally insane maniac yelling "Norwegian champion! IIIIIIIIIII!"

Above you might see the team she has trained while they yell "Go, fight, win!" in a hypnotic kind of way, not unlike some Germans did in 1941... Anyhow here is my sister while watching them, she was actually more enthusiastic than the ones performing:

Anyhow her team performed just thereafter, and I have to admit they have some pretty impressing moves. Clearly they won when they performed the trick "Headfirst in the floor" which my sister was kind of manager of. You can see it about 50 sec into the film. And I'm sorry for the cut in the start. I had to change my position during filming to get the good shot, but its only two seconds which are gone. Enjoy the Norwegian champions of cheerleading:

Now Emily you are probably wondering why you were told that our brother Mr. K has this film and why we couldn't show you the camera this morning. Well you see, when I came home yesterday after a wet night out I sort of got an excellent idea when I saw your bags on the floor. I believe I could be a fantastic cheerleader myself so I think I will send this pic to the Norwegian Cheerleader Association:

Unluckily I could not find the skirt and stuff, but I found a jacket which I believe fit me perfectly:

But as you know in our family we never give up. Thereby I sign out for now while we all yell "Go! Fight! Win! GO BIG RED!"

I hope this pic will not disturb your dreams too much. But I bet you the Prime Minister would have loved this image.

Cheerleading is fun! To watch!

2007-03-23T12:49:00.000+01:00

Ok I know that I have earlier showed you the dangers of cheerleading, but this time I got new videos ready for you. The person in focus is of course Emily, my americanized sister.

You see she have been hardcore training for the Norwegian Championship in cheerleading which will be on this weekend. To promote this event she and her teambi.... sorry, mates (but I have been in a car with some of them and I promise you, they can bitch about each other. I'm actually impressed of their skills), went on national television yesterday. You heard me, they went public with their "sport" so all of Norway could have a lau.., sorry, admire their sport.

She had to be by the telly station at 06:30 in the morning to be ready. Luckily I worked night so I imagined I could see her before I went off at 07:00. But no, actually I had to stay up until 07:54 am before this came on. And remember by then they had waited 2 hours for their grand moment. And what a memorable moment it was.

What a great act! I almost saw some red blur before the TV management cut to commercial! Clearly they thought "Commercial to get money or scarcely dressed teenagers to get viewers... Nah, look at them cold thin girls, do they eat anything at all? Lets go for commercial.".

Anyhow they went on after comercial, actually in between news and the weather. I'm sorry I missed the two first seconds:

Again they cut them off! I'm actually more amazed that these girls wait for almost two hours in freezing cold to get on television for less than 10 seconds...

But then finally they get a chance to get on for real, when something of a surprise happen.

The prime minister showed up! As you see all the girls went rather dumbfounded and started giggling hysterically. What my sister did? See the girl with the red coat? Standing behind the prime guy and smiling like a 14 year old, looking as if someone have given her a stupidifyer? That's her. She had the chance to make an obscure gesture behind the prime ministers back on live television. She could have made it big on YouTube, but no, she chooses to just stand there and smile!!!???

Sometimes I wonder if we really are siblings at all. But great cheering Emily! Even though I believe you should send some of your team members on English course, cause I didn't understand a fuck of what you all were cheering.

And yes I will go to see the championship. I will have a huge poster stating "GO EMILY" and yell "Give me an E, give me a M, give me an I..." and so on. My sister will go nuts, I'm so looking forward to it.

New job!

2007-03-21T11:47:00.000+01:00

Finally I'm leaving the bus terminal. I'm off to new adventures as an IT-journalist at Teknofil. Here I will write about YOUR digital daily life. I will even get paid for doing this, some at least.

Actually I get less paid than on the terminal if you count in the extra cash I get for working at awkward times. But I will have a lot more of fun for sure. No more stupid customers who ask where they can find the bus going "home".

With work at awkward times I mean times such as during the night like my boss gave me this whole week as revenge for me quitting the job (Oh no 40 dollars per hour). But yes I admit that it was bad of me storming into hi office yelling "Jippijahuuuu!!!!!!! I got a new job! I'm finally finished with this f.... terminal!". He was not upset by the fact that I gave the impression of being bored with the job. The only problem was that he was just about to hire a new guy, actually this guy was in the middle of signing the contract when I stormed in. I guess they have to find some other poor bastard now.

You all wonder what I know about digital lifestyle and technology which make me prepared for my new job? Well more than this girl at least:

Now I will go and spend my hard earned cash on some well earned beer in the sun!

I fucked up.... again

2007-03-14T13:23:00.000+01:00

I'm readin a book at the moment. This is of cource not a huge revelation as I mostly read one or two books at once. It's not as hard as you should imagine, but this book is really crap.

Most of the time I can read nearly anything and enjoy it. I believe you have to read a book through even though it's bad. If you haven't read it all how can you know it's bad? But this book is nearly too much. It's a book called "A day in hell" by the Norwegian author Anne B. Ragde. It was one of her first books before she made a breakthrough and I can understand why it din't make her famous. On the cover it says that it's an erotical novel concerning life and death. And yes it has a lot of sex in it, the only problem is that the sex describe is between dogs.... Dogporn is not my favourite topic.

Anyhow i exclaimed this yesterday to my girlfriend and stated that I wanted a new book, this is how the rest of the conversation went:

Her: So read another book then!

Me: But I have read them all!

Her: All of them? Theres a lot on the shelf.

Me: No but I want a new book.

Her: Well you might read "Hot Sex, how to do it" by Tracey Cox, you haven't read that one.

Me: Yes I have! Oh, fuck....

Because of that I had to spend the night on the couch. I believe my eyes went big as to say "But, that was not with you.... ooops." But somethimes I just don't know when to shut up.

By the way, I got a new job yeaterday! From now on I will be a journalist for a tecno magazine. Not the music type, I would rather kill myself, but I will write about games, gadgets, technological news and strange stuff I find on the net. Maybe it will be fun, at least I will get a chance to test out PS3, for free. Juhu!

Postcard from Galapagos

2007-03-12T07:22:00.000+01:00

Because of the incredible pressure from you, my readers, here is a postcard from Galapagos. I sent it of a while ago but the mail service in Ecuador is so slow so it didn't arrive until today:

Hi all!!!

As you can see me and my man, the iguana, are having a lovely time here in Darwin's paradise. We have been diving, eating, watching and sleeping, just as a vacation should be. My brotha, Mr. K, are struggling a bit with the diving, but we help him keep his buoyancy somewhere around neutral so he will survive. But he use to scare off the hammerhead sharks which is not so fun... So far I have not been allowed to ride the giant turtle. It's actually illegal to touch them. Can you imagine??? But I will sneak of tonight to go for a secret beach ride in the cover of darkness.

Got to go now and enjoy the 36 degrees (Celsius) in the shadow heat now and annoy the sea lions. Take care and enjoy the snow back home, or wherever you are.

Ole

I'm off to Galapagos!

2007-02-16T06:58:00.000+01:00

Hi all!

Im leaving the cold and dark weather in Norway to enjoy two weeks of 30 degrees in the sun in Galapagos. I will dive, drink and of course try a ride on one of the grand turtles over there.

Because of this I will probably not update my blog for a while if not one of those tortoises come with Net access. If so I shall be famous and call it Omirus Geochelone. Until I return you might enjoy this video of what I'm off to:

Enjoy the cold weather everyone, and remember to take your C vitamins. I will get more than enough the natural way!

Army 101 II

2007-02-15T20:38:00.000+01:00

I've never been in the army. People are often asking me why not and then continues to chatter about the great experince they had, the comaredeship they felt and the self development they made. I feel no other need to explain mysel than to show you this video. For Christ sake this is dangerous! And quite funny:

But I would quite enjoy joining the British army in the 50s. They had for sure a lot of fun:

Weightlifting is fun! To watch!

2007-02-15T16:34:00.000+01:00

In my thread on informing my little sister Emily on the dangers of sport we have today arrived on the most interesting but deadly past-time weightlifting. She does this several times a week I believe without knowing the dangers of this past-time. Now she has no excuse for this. Enjoy while you eat your strawberry-with-no-sugar-JAM. This is a lot of fun. To watch:

In my last post on this thread my little sister claimed that I am so unhealthy that I'm about to loose my hair. I can inform you all that this is not true. I got more than enough from my mid and down plus that last time I was at the hairdresser I asked her if I was about to loose the hair on my head. She explained me that this was not about to happen.

My sisters response on this information? "How much did you pay her?"¹

¹Too much I have to admit

Amazing American WWII history

2007-02-15T10:20:00.000+01:00

I bought myself a small treat yesterday, or rather I bought it for my father since I managed to loose his copy of it. What I bought? The fabulous movie "The Longest Day".

This is a great movie made in 1962 about the allied invasion in France the 6th of June 1944. You may also have heard of this day as the D-day. The movie "Saving Private Ryan" is nothing compared with this one. But it's of course completely wrong and pretty bad of me to even try to compare the pussy Tom Hanks with Richard Burton. Check out the trailer for yourself:

Anyhow the version I bought is an anniversary edition celebrating that it was 60 years since 80000 young men died. Inside this version there is a 12 page long leaflet containing stories from D-day and facts about the film. But this leaflet also contains a storyline describing events of WWII. What's interesting is that in this storyline there is no remark on Operation Barbarossa, Stalingrad nor the fall of Berlin. Actually the Soviet campaign is remarked only with the short words "1945, 04.25: U.S. and Soviet Armies meet at Torgau Germany". The fact that 93% of German causalities during the war happened on the Eastern Front seems of no interest to the Americans. Actually one may conclude that the Soviet was never in the war according to American history.

I found the same lack of history in the DVD set "Europe in Flames".

This box contains 9 DVDs on the history of WWII. But according to the movie the Soviet Union did nothing after they made the Molotov-Riebentrop pact. The Americans actually won the war on their own according to these DVDs.

I understand that the Cold War made it difficult for Americans to recognize the effort done by the Soviet Union during WWII, but it's on high time they do look away from their selfish propaganda. One may not leave it to the Russians to preserve their own history alone. Cause this is what you will get:

So Americans: Valentines is over, go check out a real man movie today and take a look at Stalingrad. Thats a real history lesson for you.

Ice skating is fun! To watch!

2007-02-14T08:16:00.000+01:00

My sister Emily has started a campaign against me. She wants to go to NIH, Norwegian Irresponsible High School, or Norwegian School of Sports as many call it. She actually believes that you can make a living of doing exercise. I know this is a most hilarious thought, I told her several times, but she won't listen to her brother.

Rather she has started a campaign to proof that I am unhealthy. She claimed that when I am 30 I will be one of her clients, doing exercise to survive because of too much smoking and drinking. As I told her I exercise several times a week. Last time yesterday, from behind. She would not listen to me but continued to eat her cottage cheese with strawberry jam.

Because she won't listen to her older and more experienced brother I thought it better to show her the dangers of sports. And first out is Ice Skating. A highly dangerous sport, but also a lot of fun. To watch:

From John Tender to you, with love

2007-02-14T07:27:00.000+01:00

Happy Valentines everyone! Actually I couldn't care less about this day where young American kids are traumatized for life since they don't receive a Valentines card at school. Celebrating love my ass. I have found the rescue for all this kids, as they will all grow up to sexually troublesome maniacs.

The rescue for them is of course the "pussy on a box", Vulva Original. This has nothing to do with the SNL thing with dick on a box, but since it is such a hype I can share that one also with you all here:

I don't really se the hype in this one, have to be some sort of American thing, just like Valentines.

Anyhow, I thought of it as my responsibility to check out the Vulva Original and to try to get a free sample of the product. And who would be better for the job than John Tender, so I put him on the case and sent this mail to Vulva Original:

Dear sir/madam.

I have smelled my way through the web to your most interesting product Vulva Original. I have to say I was very amused by this at the beginning. Especially I enjoyed your most informative video which I saw several times. But I was left with some questions concerning your product.

As I understood it Vulva Original is meant as a aphrodisiacum for men who can't manage to get aroused on their own and need a bit of help. Now I am not one of them, but I was curious if your product also could be used as a perfume, and to what effect?

What will happen if I put a tint of Vulva Original on my neck before leaving to have a joll on the town? Will I have a trail of horny men coming after me, or do you believe it will also arouse women? And as we all now natural vagina smell is maybe not always the best after a night out, will the same happen with Vulva Original? Will it smell "fishy"?

If you have not done a test on this I would be most happy to help you out if you send me a free test of your product. I am currently living in Norway and nightlife here is really good so I believe it would make a great scenario to test out your product. I will present such a test in the student fanzine Samfunnsfilosofisk Tidsskrift, which would be good promotion for your product amongst Norwegian student.

One last concern: Will it be dangerous to have Vulva Original on my body for several hours?

Sincerely yours,

John Tender

I thought this was a great offer which they could not turn down, but clearly the "pussy on a box" people gives nothing out for free as this was their reply:

Dear Mr Tender,

thank you very much for your mail and interest in our product.

Before we launched very successfully VULVA Original 1 1/2 years ago we had tested it extensively.
So, thank you for your offer but all the work has been done.

If you like to make the experience of VULVA´s wonderful effect we would be delighted to receive your order.

And referring to your concern: you can leave it on your body as long as you like. It´s not dangerous at all.

Kindest regards,

team vivaeros

vivaeros SPECIAL PRODUCTS
Otto-Hahn-Straße 7
50997 Köln · Germany
Fon +49 (0) 163-84 40 082
Fax +49 (0) 22 36 - 890 55-1

Clearly they are not interested in my service. But I do not quite believe that they have done all the work. And to testify this I sent them one last mail:

Dear Team Viaeros.

Thank you so much for your reply. As a student in media and communication I am really interested in your research. Have you really tested out the effect of the Vulva Original "down town"? Did it have an effect on other people? And if so, how did this effect show up?

If it's possible I would love to get an insight into your research material on this test. If you have video material or photographic evidence it would be even better.

I am still curious on how the smell of Vulva Original is after an extensive period. As you state it is supposed to be most natural. As we all now the "natural" smell of a vagina is not always the best. At least the one of us who has performed cunnilingus on a festival hook-up. Would the same thing happen with Vulva Original, or would Vulva Original always smell fresh like a newly plucked flower?

Unfortunately my libido is most alive so I don't need Vulva Original myself. If you don't believe me I can send you a picture proof. But I am sure that you are of good help to many lonesome men out there.

Looking forward to your reply,

John Tender

They never replied on this mail so clearly they have not researched on the effect of Vulva Original used as a perfume. But neither do they believe that Mr. Tender is well suited to do such a research. I can't understand why.....

I'm sorry not to have managed to get a free sample for you all. But I recommend you to drop the Valentines gift for your beloved one, and rather contribute the money to me so I can go further with this research. You will get much more satisfaction by that I promise you.

Want coffee?

2007-02-09T15:11:00.000+01:00

Are you going for a swim? Want to make a cup of hot newly brewed coffee? Don't despair Ortlieb got just what you need! The waterproof coffee filter!

Just relax the coffee will pour through even though the filter is waterproof. It has a large funnel in the bottom where both the water and all the coffee grains might pour through.

How the Germans almost managed to conquer the world still remains a mystery to me.

Congrats Emily!

2007-02-08T16:12:00.000+01:00

My little sister Emily finally got her driving license today. In other words: Norwegian roads are no longer safe. She actually neglected to tell me that she had her exam today, I can't really understand why. On the other hand I had a chat with her censor on what actually happened the first time she tried to get her license. He even gave me some photographic evidence...

Mr Grønvold, her driving censor, told me that Emilys first obstacle was to drive the car out of the parking lot. "It was a big parking lot, and lots of traffic, but still I found her driving to be a bit, how should I say, unfocused", says Grønvold. Here is what happened according to the video surveillance (she had a problem to start the car, so the fun ain't starting before 00:30):

"Still I was not scared enough to stop the exam, as I understood it she was quite nervous", claims Grønvold. But he ads that she might have been a bit too hard on the gas when leaving the parking lot (Emily will show up at 00:57):

Grønvold explains that he was pretty concerned after the incident, but they managed to turn the car over in the correct position. "I've must have been quite confused by the accident, cause I should clearly have stopped the fun by then." It was not until the end, when Emily was supposed to park the car again, that she showed her true aggressiveness. They even made a report on the incident at British television. Don't be confused that they claim this happened on "A busy British shopping street". Mr. Grønvold asked them to do so because he wanted too keep his reputation in order. And yes, Emily is the "loony in the red car":

Both Grønvold and Emily survived the tour, amazingly. And Emily, after some practice, has now gained her license. Hurrayh!

I, by the way, am back from Glasgow. It was a nice trip, but I would not recommend to order the steak medium cooked over there if you are not fond of charcoal. But anyone ready for some hardcore beer and wine testing might now take contact with me, cigars and cigarettes are of course compliments of the house. As always.

I'm leaving for Glasgow

2007-02-01T23:40:00.000+01:00

I'm off to Glasgow for the next few days. Because of this it will probably be quite silent here for a coulpe of days. But I will give you a report on what scottish men have under their kilt when I get back again.

I will also have a test of the scottish whisky and visit their faboulous pipe museum. This will be so exciting. I also hope to see the battleground of William Wallace on my trip. It would be superb if they show "Bravehart" on the plane. Especially if it is dubbed with: "The jews are responsible for all the wars in the world! Freeeeedoooom!!!" Poor Mel Gibson is even more far off than me. But he's a smoker so I am able to forgive him some of his weaknesses.

Check in with my poll on if I will run the poll "Emily, hot or not". So long, I'm off to get drunk!

Here is a video of my friend Mr. T while you wait for me coming back!

R.I.P. France

2007-02-01T15:18:00.000+01:00

France has always been known as a country of great culture and intelectual art. Even though they eat frog legs, but all geniouses are a bit mental. Today France died from us all. Rest in peace.

What would the french resistance been without the cigarettes? Would Victor Hugo ever have made anything without a daily hit of nicotine? Would Picasso ever have run to France from Spanish fascism if he knew that they would 70 years later implement their own form of it?

Smoking was banned from all public places in france today, pubs and restaurants still have until December, but clearly they will kill them off also. The revolution in 1789 was in other words all for nothing.

The fascist collaborators of Vichy France would clearly have been proud.

My new house

2007-01-31T19:00:00.000+01:00

I have just found the perfect house to buy! It's 7000 square meters big, has three floors and has installed fiber optic cables, toilets and all other facilities. The best thing is that you may drive a truck straight in and it only costs 2,2 billion NOK.

Theres only one problem. The housing is placed in Narvik, in the north of Norway. In other words it's dark and desolated.

Above is a picture of Narvik on a day with good weather and an expensive camera. Here is the real view:

But with the apartment one may buy an ammunition factory for the low price of 750k, so one may keep work close to home. And I promise you, the weapon industry is going well these days.

It's of course the Norwegian military which is selling out their old facilities since Norway does not need defense anymore. We just strike first. It's interesting though that this military facilities are actually just really big caves. I thought it was only Mr. bin Laden who was uncivilized enough to use a cave for army operations.

My mother would not support me, but if anyone else are into this project I got 30k in savings which I'm more than willing to contribute with.

And now for something completely different. Is this guy color blind? Or has he just never seen himself in a mirror?

Woman not suposed to be funny?

2007-01-30T01:47:00.000+01:00

I just read something really weird. The Norwegian daily Aftenposten have this fanzine every Friday called A-Magasinet. This week their cover stated "Why women are not funny"

In this article the writer, a woman herself, proclaims that "Men want a woman who laughs of their jokes, not a woman who is funny herself".

It's not often I go out publicly to protect manhood, except my own which is huge as hell I promise you, but this time I really felt the urge. The fact that the writer has found a guy, probably from the Norwegian counterpart of South Dakota, who proclaim that he wants an "obedient woman who looks well and does a good job in the kitchen. I take care of the humor, not her." does not emphasize that all men does not want humorous women. I bet you his house is as boring as listening to the kings annual speech

(who the hell listen to that thing? I bet you it's the guy mentioned above, funniest thing happened in his life each year. I feel really sorry for his wife. If he has one...)

I promise hereby, to all women out there which I love so much, that I could not live without your jokes and your humor (except the one about my size. Jokes based on reality is no fun, it's actually close to hate crime. Please remove that one from the web). I believe that if there where no women out there with a sense of humor and a joke or two or thousand, I could not live, neither could they have lived with me. And someone should visit Aftenposten and tell them what century we are living in. Or make them move to South Dakota. And please someone; tell the writer of the article to find a new man, though it does not surprise me that she share her last name with our prime minister, not exactly the funniest chap in the block.

But I do still appreciates when you laugh of my funny-as-hell jokes once in a while. Except for the size thingy. It was not meant as a joke!

Ole the insultinator

2007-01-29T10:22:00.000+01:00

I have just managed to insult a 40 year old lady. I'm sorry, but it was actually her fault, and I take no responsibility.

As I'm leaving for Galapagos next month I had to get a vaccination for yellow fever. The problem is that every time I'm off to get a vaccination they always want me to get everything on their list. This time was no different. Probably they recieve a good amount of cash for each needle they put into my body.

This time I though not to get anything else than the yellow fever. Just a quick in and out. The doctor did not agree with me on this matter. She wanted to check out in her book what I should get. Now I have travelled a bit in my life, and I told her that I have every vaccination that is needed. When she began talking about malaria I thought "Here we go again." I told her that I had no interest in taking malaria tablets, and that there are none in Galapagos or Qito, but no she had to consult someone. She also found out in her big book that there is plague in Equador. Then she started reading out loud that one should not get bitten by the rats.... Well I try not to get buitten by the rats even in Norway. In the end we both found it most useful that I should take my yellow fever and also upgrade my Twinrix, hepatit A & B, to make it last a lifetime. I had then told her that the worst thing I would meet would not be the rats but these guys:

If so, there would be no help with a vaccination.

Now finaly we are ready to make the shot I thought, but no, she asked me if I wanted some general information on traveling and health. Stupid as I am I said "No, I don't need it." I even forgot to say thank you. That was the end of our friendly relationship. Not only had I so far tried to tell her how to do her job as a vaccination doctor, but now I also dismissed her and her knowledge of travelling. I'm a horrible person. She sat a bit baffeled and said "In so case I have to write in my report that you want no information!" I told her that I allready know that one shall not eat food found on the street. I meant it litteraly, but as a joke. She didn't think it was that funny, and probably thought I was a dickhead not to accept her knowledge.

In the end I agreed to take som brochures with me just to make friends again, but I did not accept her offer on a vaccination against diarrhea. But she was still not happy with my "know-it-all" attitude. I recomend you all to accept the vaccination ladies informatione, cause those needles she gave me stung like hell, just as my bill did in the end no matte how hard I tried to make it low.

Woman on a box

2007-01-27T08:34:00.000+01:00

Are you lonely, are you suffering, do you have really hard time getting in contact with the oposite sex, do you love the smell of shrimps? This is something for you then.

In my last post I told you that I was checking out the porn industry in my search for a job. I have to say it didn't seem the best work for me as a part of the job clearly is to review DVD's such as "Anna and the real big king", "English nymphomaniacs" and "Anal festure 5". To write things such as "In this movie Susie takes the dildo all the way from her ass to the mouth" is not really a thing I want to do. But while checking this out, clearly out of a professinal concern, I found the weirdest product ever: Vulva Original, authentically original vaginal favour.

This is a perfume, according to the producer, which smells like a vagina. You are supposed to "apply it to the back of your hand and sniff. Your libido will take care of the rest by itself". If this product isn't wierd enough they have even made a commercial movie. I have nothing against the smell of women, but when you need this smell on a box you have to have a shortcut or two. But clearly the prefered public for this product is not your average man:

Combined with the product Pherotones or The Johnny Cane Band, I believe this product may bring you to new heights.

The most concerning aspect of this though is not the people walking arond with a box of vaginal smell on them or how this thing is actually made. Its the producers plan to make other products. As stated in their FAQ, where they also claim that this product must be kept away from children,:

"What about a product for women?
Of course! You will see it will be the next revolution."

I allready feel a bit sick just by the thought of such a product.

Hunt for work

2007-01-25T09:26:00.000+01:00

As I'm pretty fed up of managing the bus terminal and have finished my studies I am searching for work these days. If you have a job for a master in mediastudies give me a call.

But you have to hurry up cause today I found the perfect job. MP Media Norway needs an editor slash journalist for their magazines. I thought "Could be interesting.." until I saw their homepage. Then I thought "Perfect!" It tourned out that this is one of their fanzines in Norway.

The fact that they have a magazine called "Sextream" only makes this job better. Imagine leaving for work proclaiming "Goodbye, I'm of to work now! Wank me luck!" Fantastic.

If I do this job well I hope one day to move over to their Czech department to work with their magazine "Escort" and their movie department. Or maybe even one of their webpages. I just can't wait!

WTF?

2007-01-22T11:25:00.000+01:00

As many of you know I am quite fond of disturbing video clips. I really love Americas Funniest Home Videos, especially when they show videos of people hurting themselves. The more the better:

Even funnier are people having trouble in their own wedding. Fainting grooms videos are some of my favorite. I can't nearly breathe after watching stuff like this:

So yes I have to admit, I am a sick person. I have still not considered getting professional help as my mother have been analyzing me my whole life. But yet I have a long way to go to get to the point of being completely fucked of as these people are. This is maybe the number 1 most disturbing video I have ever found on the web. And I promise you, I have seen a lot.

If you need an explanation of why this is fucked way beyond normal wickedness I believe you should consult a doctor. Personally I believe the whole video is a fake. Though when I look at these people I fear it is not. The worst thing though is the interviewer laughing...

Army 101

2007-01-19T16:05:00.001+01:00

The other day I asked if the Americans had done nothing good after their conquer of Mesopotamia. Clearly this was a stupid question. How can they contribute to any development when their army acts like this:

When you can't even jump out of a boat you can much less colonize a country. Even better is this guy who while rappelling down three meters manages to smash his face up. Even my sister could do better. And she can't even drive according to her driving censor...

No then it's much better to watch the Norwegian army whom at least have some artistic sense while visiting other cultures and blowing them up:

But hey there are always a new generation growing up and probably the next generation of G.I. Joe's will turn out much smarter. Or maybe not:

Advanced terrorism

2007-01-17T16:29:00.000+01:00

This is an old newsflash, but I kind of just can not let it go unpassed. Not long ago this video started flourishing on the Net:

As you might see the video is showing a computer game where Arab looking people are attacking American looking soldiers. Now both the media and the American congress went berserk and claimed that Mr. Bin Laden and his hillbilly gang Al-Qaeda was making computer games wherein they learn young people how to be terrorists. Parents all over the globe where getting concerned and started spying on their kids. How Al-Qaeda could make this grat looking game from their Afghan caves was of concern to no-one. As we all know they can do anything these days as long as media write it.

This was an important thing on every anti-terrorists agenda until one day some gamers came out and could inform the patriotic anti-terrorists that the video was from a game called "Battlefield2" a game made by Americans and the favorite of millions of youths around the globe (including me).

Now suddenly all the concerned parents where no longer worried. They all said: "Ah, the game is made by Americans? How patriotic! Well go on and blow up some virtual people my son."

The funniest part of this story is that the game Americas Army made by the American Army to recruit young kids to kill terrorists has been on the market for quite a while with no-one complaining. This is clearly naturally as American soldiers have never hurt anyone who did not deserve it.

Bringing you western humanity

2007-01-17T15:20:00.000+01:00

Finally The States of America managed to give some of its well known democracy to Iraq. Rumor has it that children all over العراق, or Mesopotamia as it is also known as, are playing the good old western game hang man.

Now americans really know how to get rid of unwanted elements. If you want to you may even take the Virtual Prison Tour of Florida Department of Correction. How they presume that their highly sanitized way of killing people may correct anything is still a mystery for me though. But the most awesome part of this place is that you are not allowed to smoke on death row. Why? Because it can kill you! What a fantastic way of thinking.

Now USA thought of it as a great idea to learn Iraq how to execute people, now I believe that Iraq now this tradition far better than USA, but they both know that it is only stupid people who use such a tradition without using it as entertainment for the masses. In the good old days this was a very pleasing way to spend a Saturday for many. Enjoying your lunch while watching someone die.

Nowadays the market square has been changed out with television and therefore we could all enjoy the hanging of Saddam while eating dinner. Now the pictures we received on the telly was very sanitized. There were no sound and the video was of course cut of long before they let Saddam fall down the hatch. They are by no means barbaric while bringing democracy to Mesopotamia. This was what we saw:

Personally I found this even worse than the real thing as if this version is just a game. It's as if CNN tells you "Relax it, enjoy your meal, this is just a game and of no concern for you. Only a man going to be killed."

Now I have also seen the real thing, and when looking at it I wonder if the States have brought nothing to Iraq. Just look if you want.

Now by seeing this I wonder "What is actually USA doing in this country?" I mean just look at Bravehart. An amazing movie with a great execution seen at the ending where William Wallace cries out "Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedooooom!" Great pic! And take a look at the hanging of Ohmar Mukhtar in Lion of the Desert another great executional scene. But in the filming of the hanging of Saddam what happens? The Americans have been in that place for 3 years now and still they haven't managed to learn the Iraqians to hold a phone camera still. What a horror!

Luckily they arrested the guy later on. Clearly because of his bad filming, such a thing can not be accepted in a democratic country. But I guess Iraq still have a long long way before they can truly learn and appreciate American culture the way it should be consumed.

Blogger beta sucks

2007-01-13T15:53:00.000+01:00

Ah I hate the new blogger beta now. Because of it my comments form is no longer working. You will have to use the old blogger comments link... I know it's stupid, but they have implemented some sort of blogger comment security. And there is still no hack out to fix it. I will plan my transition to Wordpress, but until then you have to keep om living in the stoneage with me. Sorry

I got money!

2007-01-11T12:24:00.000+01:00

Something amazing happened today. This is the first time ever in my life. I have to state that I'm nearly an adult now.

No mom, I'm not going to be a father, god forbid. I can't even be responsible for my own life. Much less take care of a small pink thing, lying in a bed crying. But I'm a person of wealth! At least some. I went into my net bank and saw something amazing. I had received 322,63 Norwegian crowns in interest for last year! Earlier this amount has been something like 2,25 or 0,67 or even written in red like this -677,56. But not this time! I'm rich! Mohahahahaha.

The fact that this was the only money I got and that half of the amount already had disapeared since I had less than zero on my account is of no great matter in this point. You may kiss my feet.

Now I have to go and read me up on some Norwegian history from WWII. Tomorrow I have an appointment with Mr. Blindheim, one of the few heroes from the Norwegian resistance during the German occupation who is still alive.

He is also one of the few who has claimed that something is wrong with the official occupation history. The man is 90 years old and has a bad hearing, but he told me it would be great to have a chat with me. I'm so looking forward to it, it's close to meeting Che Guevara in persona. If you have any questions concerning Norwegian occupation history tell me ASAP and I will bring them to the original source. If your lucky maybe I will give you a report on the conversation. So long!

Google paranoia II

2007-01-10T08:15:00.000+01:00

I have already admitted that I'm a bit paranoid. Not like mental sickness paranoid, just sort of the normal healthy kind. The kind where you know that CIA is cooperating with the Norwegian daily Aftenposten.

Now some of you might ask "Aftenposten and CIA? Where is the connection." But for the ones of you who must have been living at a foreign planet the last 20 years I recommend you to look at their "funny" daily quote. Its a small notice stating quotes such as "Fabian hoped to become major candidate, but it will be Annelise. Goal out and hawk over hawk." Who understands such rubbish? And beside this nonsense they got the picture of a sorry looking dog:

Well most of us knows that it is NOT a touch of Gods interference that this "funny" thing is printed in part two, page five. That would be 2nd of May, the date of the death of J. Edgar Hoover. Coincidence? I think not! Of course these small gibberish notes are secret messages sent over to the States to control our society.

Anyhow, this is of course not news for the most of you. Heck everybody know this, don't we? But I found something far more disturbing the other day. Since I try to apply for work these days I'm quite concerned about what you might find on me if you use good old Google search. For examle if this blog pops up I'm truly fucked. But the other day I tried to combine Google image search with my full name. I was shocked. I'm a young man with blond hair an quite handsome. My problem is that so is this guy (not that handsome though):

This is horrible. By searching my full name you get only 6 pictures, and one of them is a blond guy dressed in a Hitler Jugend uniform rising his hand in a classical fascist salute.

In my defense I have to say that I can not remember this picture being taken. Probably I was really really drunk at the time. Do you think my future employer will accept this excuse?

Devaluation of my intelect

2007-01-08T15:49:00.000+01:00

Hello my fellow citizens of the world! Long time no see. I am sorry that my blog has been rather boring the last few months, or rather half a year, but I had to write my master thesis, and in August I understood that this blog was much more fun to write on than my thesis, so I had to stop.

But now this thesis is finished! Yay, and I am done with 6 1/2 year of studying.

As you can see the front page of my thesis it was amazing. So was the things written inside. Even though my censors did not agree with me on this matter. My oral exam, which I had after they had read my report went like this.

Censor1 -We have read your report and we think you have a lack of theory. You touch upon some foreign theory on terrorism and also speak about media theory and effect, but it is not enough.

Censor2 -Also your analytical material doesn't start before page 52. You have way to much theory in your thesis.

At this point I was getting concerned. They actually told me this, both of them sitting in the same room. Now before I continue with this story I have to tell you that my thesis was a comparative analysis between a Norwegian newspaper during the WWII and their coverage on the Norwegian resistance vs. the same daily today and their coverage of the attack on "USS Cole" before and after September 11th. Now of course as one of my cases of study was how the Nazis defined the Norwegian resistance as terrorists and also how, by the objective definition given by the old UN boss Mr. Kofi Annan and also by the Genova convention, this was correct, I was already fucked from the beginning. You may, if you don't read it well, believe I'm a crazy neo-nazi or a hardcore commie who should have been placed at the warm earth of Guantanamo bay, getting a free meal and a spanking a day, long time ago.

My thesis was called "A fight for reality; terrorists and freedom fighters in a media historical perspective". In the beginning I had written with bold letters that the topic of the thesis would be to compare the coverage of terrorism and the ethical usage of this term between a newspaper under totalitarian control and a newspaper in a democratic society. One of the topics I also touched upon was how there is no real definition of the word terrorism, one mans freedom fighter may be another mans terrorist. But I had also written that for the thesis I would rest upon the definition given by Mr. Annan. This is how my oral exam went further:

Censor2 -How come you don't define terrorism? You talk a lot about different problems with such a definition, but you never give one yourselves?

I was nearly asking him if he had even read my report at this time. But the next question was even worse.

Censor2 -You say in your thesis that it will look upon terrorism in a historical perspective. Where is this so called historical perspective.

I, myself find this perspective quite obvious in a comparative analysis between a paper written during WWII and one written today. But clearly my sensor does not define 66 years as historical. I have to say I got quite upset as they gave my thesis a D. In reality this grade states that they thought my thesis sucks. But after my oral the put me up on a C. And then as a final statement I received this message.

Censor1 -Your writing is really bad. Your sentences are not connected and the structure of your reasoning is not good at all. Have you used a spelling check? Has anybody else read your thesis.

At this point I thought they were going a bit to far as 5 people, different ones, had read my thesis, and yes I had used a spelling check. And not at least, I know I am a good writer. But I just smiled to her and said, yes and that I could not understand how it could be that bad. But she explained to me that she was a linguistic and she knew the difference between good and bad writing. I did not tell her to show her knowledge up a very special place. I am all to kind for that. On their way out the sensors told me that I should keep on writing and send some applications to the fond for practical media studies. Totally confusing comment I believe. But they also stated, in front of all my co-students that a doctors degree in media studies was maybe not the way to go.

Because of this I was angry for about a week. Or maybe a week and a half. But noone will stop me from writing! Mohahahahaha

Happy new year!

2007-01-01T15:45:00.000+01:00

Happy new year everybody! I know it has been a long time since I have written anything on my blog now. This will not be a update on my last achievements, but just a short update on last nights celebration.

Last night I was at some friends house celebrating. It was quite fun, especially since most people were more drunk than me. My friend Mr. D. was absolutely not sober so he just had to show off with some chest hair, of course glued on for the evening:

Mr. D. is not to happy of having his face plastered all over the web so I had to remove his ugly appearance. But luckily for him someone else also wanted to show off their chest:

His girlfriend was also happy about this as she was laughing her hart out when we took the picture (Who the girl on the pic is? I have no idea).

At 12 o'clock I went out to see the firecrackers, but I have to admit that I saw close to nothing as it was raining and there was vision close to nothing. This vision was not because I had been drinking to much. Maybe more because of the smoke coming from the cigar my girlfriend was enjoying:

She was really proud because she managed to inhale the smoke coming out of it. I tried to explain her that a cigar should not be inhaled, but would she listen to me, the experienced smoker? No I think not.

Because of her imagination making her believe she knew better than me the gods of rain played her a trick later on. As we were walking home the rain had turned to ice on the ground. With new rain upon it. As my girlfriend was slightly drunker than me she didn't managed to handle this so she fell really hard and cut her lip. I was not allowed to take a picture of this, but there were quite a lot of blood:

When she woke up today she couldn't quite remember that she fell, so when she wondered why her body was hurting so much and why her lip was swollen up 10 times I told her she managed to get in a fight on the party. She did not believe me though, but as a revenge she is now telling everyone that it was me who beat her up. I expect the police to be on my front door shortly.

That was the short story of the new years party. But another story is that my little sister Emily is trying to get her drivers license.

She has already failed once as she hit a pedestrian on her final test. She said it was not her fault because, and I quote: "The fucker was walking in the middle of the street!" She still has something to learn concerning traffic lights. One of her favorite hobbies while driving is to speed up in front of a crosswalk and then brake hard just before it so the poor people who wants to cross get frightened. She thinks this is especially fun with old ladies. In other words this license will turn out expensive.

Thats all for now. I will soon give you all an update on my life, but until then you may enjoy this good old sing-along-song:

I'm a part of the public sphere!

2006-10-23T06:44:00.000+02:00

I have hereby, taken the step into the public sphere. And not only the public sphere, but also the front page of the netversion of the Norwegian newspaper Dagbladet.

You may hereby call me master. Read and weep. I especially love how they actually choosed to publish the nice picture I sent in. My mother will have a fit when she sees it. "Is this how my son choose to enter the world of debate? He hasn't even combed his hair!"

My sister will go even more mental. "Did you put your unibrow in the newspaper! I can't believe we are family!" But relax it, she got a unibrow hereself and will learn to aknowledge its exelency when she grows up.

UPDATE: Not only do I got a huge picture of myself on the netpage, expising my beautifule unibrow. In the paper version I am put side by side with the Norwegian minister of Foreign Affairs. I am now just waiting for him to call and offer me the post as Minister of Propaganda in Norway.

What have I done now!?

2006-10-21T12:24:00.000+02:00

The other day I received the most disturbing SMS in my life. It actually made me consider never to drink again.

The message was sent to me during the night and after reading it i had seriously problems to sleep. I almost started to cry. The message went like this:

Mmm drømmer at du tar mg som sist,
vil kjenne den deilige kuken inni i mg,
bli slikka a dg,
jg slikker og tar dg
- aaaaa godt:)(:

For all my non norwegian speakers, here is an english translation:

Mmm dreaming that you take me as last time,
want to feel you delicious cock inside me,
get licked by you,
I lick you and take you
- aaaaa good:)(:

Now normaly a message like that would be no surprise for me. They are not a regular part of my life, but the womens do keep coming back and ask for a second. But this was from a male friend of mine. A male!

Of course he is gay, that was no surprise, but I can never in my life remember having put my penis into any hole of his body. Once I went with him to a gay bar and woke up the next morning with my pockets locked and loaded with condoms and lubricants. But I remember how that got there, but when did we perform sodomia? I have no clue!!!! And is the last symbols of the SMS representing my ass? Is it some kind of a target now?

I have nothing against such an action, but if I have done it I would like to remember it and not get the information through a sleezy SMS. During that night I held a tight grip on my buttocks and promised never ever to touch alcohol again. I was shitscared.

Now luckily the next morning I recieved a short, shameful SMS. Here it said:

That SMS was not meant for you.
I have other people in my named called ole.
You are hearby marked in my phonebook with your last name.

I am still a anal virgin!!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!

At least now I can get the chance to remember my first male on male intercourse. If I want to try it? Well considering the mental image I got with the first SMS I believe it will not be done in close future. Probably not in any future. But who knows what might happen when you combine Ole with alcohol. But that is a whole other story. I'm off to celebrate my heterosexuality!

I wonder...

2006-10-19T19:00:00.000+02:00

Wouldn't it be easier if I could use my small head to write my master thesis rather than my big head. It's much easier to think with my small head And I bet you it would be much more productive. At least for the ten minutes it's possible to use it.

Ok, at least three minutes then...

Do I need a doctor?

2006-10-15T08:50:00.000+02:00

Hi all noble gentlemen and women. I just went through my statcounter were I can surveill all traffic on my site and see who and were you all have been. I'm actually impressed cause even though I haven't updated my site much for the last couple of months there is about 30 people visiting my page every day.

Mostly people arrive through google image search looking for this picture:

This picture was posted under this article. But visitors looking for porn is better than no visitors.

Anyhow I was browsing through my statics when I saw than someone had been looking up my infamous post "Allah Akhbar" were I commented on the trouble concerning the pictures of Muhammed. Now a lot of people recieved a lot of comments on their blogs for just publishing these drawings and others recieved threats for supporting the muslim community and their right to disapprove these pictures. I recieved neighter comments nor threats.... Until now!

As I looked into this old post I saw that someone had left a comment! Earlier people have told me that I'm a fag and a stupid person and that I should "go at work please". But now I have recieved the best comment ever. In capital letters:

At 9/24/2006 08:39:59 AM,
WELL WHAT CAN I SAY.....YOU SEEM TO BE A VERY UNEDUCATED PERSON WHO HAS NO LIFE. IT DOES NOT TAKE MUCH TO SEE THAT YOU SUFFER FROM A PERSONALITY ISSUE. DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND SEEK A DOCTOR ASAP!!! YOUR SITE AND YOUR THOUGHTS ARE LIKE "SHIT" SO FLUSH YOURSELF BEFORE THE SMELL GETS OUT F HAND. OR EVEN BETTER....DO THE WHOLE WORLD SOME GOOD AND KILL YOURSELF.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE A WAIST OF SPACE AND OXYGEN.

Posted by Lamia

This is a fantasic comment! Not only should I flush myself down the toilet, I should also consult a doctor and then kill myself. All of this "shouted" out in capital letters. It feels so good when people get mad at you. But I still can't figure out what part of the post which made Lame go crazy like that and if this Lame want me to kille myself before I consult a doctor or if I have to flush myself down the toilet before I do both. On the other hand a quicksearch in google picturesearch for Lamia tells me not to argue with this person:

So I'm off to see the doctor now and consult my toilet.

Cherioooo!

Fox strikes again

2006-10-06T12:03:00.000+02:00

Actually I have not much time to blog nowadays. I'm sorry for all of you people out ther who are no longer visiting my blog on a regular basis, but I have to finish my master thesis first.

But this story is too amazing not to make a comment upon. Most people out there who read or watch news have seen that Mr. Mark Foley, the Republican Congresman from Florida, have been in a comittee to investigate pedophelians contacting minors through the internet. To put this man in that possition is clearly as stupid as to put my dad in a comittee for a non-smoking environment in a hospital. Only a stupid person would think of something like that...

While being in this comittee Foley contacted minors to get their view on the topic. This is how the conversation went:

Now this is of course a huge scandal for the Republicans. Everybody sort of knew that they where crazy, but now one actually can prove it. But how do Fox news present this scandal? Like this:

You didn't get it? Well the Fox News propably thought "What should we do about this Foley thing? I got it, let's present the guy as a Democrat!" And the funniest thing is that many Americans think "Those bastards. I just knew it, now they finally show their real face! I will vote for the Republicans next time!"

This is even better than propaganda. And it works I bet.

Unibrown is coming your way!

2006-09-05T16:25:00.000+02:00

Finally, praise the lord cause he has arrived!!!!!! The metrosexual man is going down and unibrown is, as ever, hot and sexy!

The Norwegian newspaper Dagbladet can finally inform you gamma people out there that a big, uncombed unibrown is the new trend. And the metrosexual male is no longer as cool as some people think it is. Just read and learn.

Of course it's hillarious to call this sort of thing "news". I, for one, has known this all along. It's just the ignorants amongst us who haven't understood this yet. I have to run now to dance on the grave of the metrosexual male. Come along, it will be great fun!

And for all of you bloody metromales out there who still haven't understood I recomend you to check out this episode of South Park:

South Park is Gay!

Dailymotion blogged video

The rest of you, the ones who are intelligent and sencible persons, can play a great game of Mono Match!

My unibrown makes me famous

2006-08-02T07:47:00.000+02:00

My siter Emily (the bastard who maybe killed Kennedy) claims that my unibrow should be liquidated from this world, but this fabolous piece of an unibrown has now made me famous.

At least two persons have found my blog trough this incredible nice work from nature:

Clearly both of them have misunderstood what kind of a benefit nature has forsaken them with as one is actually considering shaving his unibrown and the other one is actually asking how he can get a girlfriend with one. Me myself I have a problem with how not to get a girlfriend with mine. It's sexy it's hot it's everything your not!

I also have to tell you that I, with my unibrown had a fantastic show on the street last saturday. I gained 1279 norwegian bucks, 10 swedish, 40 eurocent and one green leaf of unknown origin. I bet you people gave me this money not only because of my spectacular show but also because of my nicely formed unibrown.

I only fell off my tall unicycle once when a volunteer din't let go off the bike as I told him to. And there was a slight problem to juggle the torches with sweat in my eyes. I'm sorry lady that I put your kid on fire. But I did give you the option that I would personally give you a new one. I would have recomended you to take this opportunity rather than screaming at me. Otherwise the public was happy, most people actually clapped pretty loud on this trick.

Otherwise I have to say that the world is pretty far out these days, but that I will have to comment in another post.

Monkey customers

2006-07-27T14:48:00.000+02:00

I'm back at work.... Again. It's freaking boring. Right now there where actually 5 people stabbed outside of the terminal. But still that's kind of normal down here.

A couple of days ago I had one of the funniest requests ever thoug. In our counter we sell what we call "Flexicard". They look like this:

This card gives you 8 rides on transportation inside Oslo (but it is not cheaper than 8 single tickets tyhough...) For each ride there is a clearly marked area which you have to stamp. On this area it say 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 or 8. When you have stamped one of these areas you have used one ticket. I hope you understand now, if not send in your questions here.

Now this lady wanted to know how she will know when all the 8 tickets had been used. I was looking pretty dumbstruck I believe since she looked like a normal person. Not a mentally retarded one. I told her that the card is finnished when all the tickets has been stamped. "Does the machine count the number of tickets?" is her next question. At this moment I am almost starting to laugh and I show her on her card where she should stamp and tells her that she has 4 rides left. Still she has a problem to grasp this but after 5 minutes of explaining and counting she finally understands that one should stamp each ticket one time only, not five like she had done.

I managed not to laugh. n the other hand I laughed loud and clearly into the face of the old woman who told me "Nobody takes consideration of me you see." Imagine if I should go around complaining like that all the time. That would have been fun. "Nobody takes consideration of me and my unibrown you see."

Now I have to go since someone is running around with a shotgun inside the terminal.

Job opportunity!

2006-07-26T17:27:00.000+02:00

I have found a job opportunity for all my friends who have finished their master thesis (so far none...)

On this site you can find an ideal job where you can make use of everything you have learnt through your studies. Those wild parties comes in handy after all. This is the job (click for larger image):

For all non-norwegian speaking: The job is to be an erotic audioliterature reader. You will have to use your most sexy voice and read into a microphone (no I have no idea about the shape of the microphone...)so blind people or people who can't hold a book and jerk off at the same time, can enjoy such high class literature. In other words it might be seen as a job for the common good. Imagine how much easier it will be when we don't have all these sexual frustrated blind people walking around.

To get the job it says you have to be openminded... whatever that means. So go ahead, apply today, I bet there is thousands of people out there waiting to hear just your sexy voice telling naughty things into their ear. Hey, such a thing can make you famous! And what a gem to have on your CV.

Emily killed JFK?

2006-07-26T15:38:00.000+02:00

I was just going to search up some really ugly pics for the "Emily - Hot or Not" ballot when I saw something quite interesting. Apparently there is a chance that my little sister Emily actually killed John F. Kennedy.

By accident I found this page where one may vote on who killed Mr. Kennedy.

One of the options you could choose was my little sister..... Who would have guessed? I actually would have.

Now this vote is over, but my little sister pulled one vote so she have to share position with Lee Harvy Osvald, Mick jagger, Osama Bin Laden and Mr. Kennedys dildo.

But clearly people only reacted as they where suposed to since CIA won the poll... I bet you my sister may have done it. I will ask her next time I see her what she did 22. of November 1963. Meanwhile I would take all possible precautions if I where you.

To give you a chance to state your opinion on the matter I have made a poll for you positioned on the right hand sidebar. So go ahead, click on your favourite option!

Emily the tatooed lady.

2006-07-25T16:48:00.000+02:00

We had a family gathering this weekend. During this gathering, where we discussed several academical topics such as if its by having sex my brother has developed a sixpack. My sister Emily on the other hand claimed that she had gotten a tattoo while she was in the states.

First she told us that it was done by a woman and that it was situated on her butt. Later, when my mom wanted to see the tattoo, Emily claimed the story to be false.

Now me and my brother did not believe this and nice brothers as we are we thought of it as a nice gesture to check the reality of the story, but our mother was not found of this idea ("Let go of your little sister and stay away from her ass!", truly a memorable quote from my mother). But now I really wonder what kind of a tattoo Emily has gotten.

While singing this song:

Oooooooh

Emily oh Emily, say have you met Emily,

Emily, the Tatooed Lady.

She has eyes that folks adore so,

And a torso even more so.

I will present some options for you.

First off there is a chance that she has gotten herself a traditional Tramp Stamp

Or maybe even this classy one:

I mean, she has been to white trash country and who know what stupid thing she may have done. Even this image wouldn't surprise me.

But actually I believe a Tramp Stamp is a bit under her leauge, only slightly I have to admit. I believe she maybe got something like this, a classic Cute Girl tattoo which there are millions of out there (soooo boring I believe):

Or maybe even something as stupid as this:

Since she was a while in the USofA she might also have gone for this solution:

That would have given me the best laugh ever.

But actually I believe all of this to be wrong. I bet you one night in bed with me (for all the nice women out there, NOT for Mr. Jostein Sæter) that she has a tattoo on her right butt with a picture of me, which says: "Ole is the coolest brother ever!"

Please tell me your guess on what kind of a tattoo Emily got and I will somehow find out what is correct. Meanwhile you may sing this song:

Oooooooh

Emily oh Emily, say have you met Emily,

Emily, the Tatooed Lady.

She has eyes that folks adore so,

And a torso even more so.

There is a dance following this song, and if you all behave I will consider posting it for you to learn it properly...

Rescue for Libanon

2006-07-24T14:34:00.000+02:00

Hahahaha I just had an interesting incident. I was reading BBC News on the net when I saw the headline "Rice arrives in Lebanon". I thought "How good, at least these poor people can get some food after the Israelians have bombed them back to the stone age." Of course I was wrong. I'm sorry to tell all of you Libanesian out there that there will be no food for you. On the other hand I can tell you that you are now truly fucked. Just read the article youreself. This is what is coming your way:

If I was Libanese right now I would run, but of course for many of you that is not an option. But please, for your own well being, commit suicide as soon as possible to espcape the precense of this horrible creature. I promise you, a meeting with her will be worse torture than a bomb dropped by Israelian forces.

I recomend to use a gun, quick and easy. Good luck! And there is no reason to wait for the real rice to arrive. I'm sorry to say but I don't think anyone has sent any.

Happy Summer!

2006-07-05T07:46:00.000+02:00

Summer is finally here and I have had a jolly good time in the sun. Most of the time I have been drinking, singing and enjoying myself.

But I have not been updating my blog as you have allready seen. Luckily many of you seem not to have noticed and you still check for updates once in a while. To satisfy your needs I will therefore give you an update on what I am doing. Cause I have actually done other things than just drinking.

Amonst other things I have helped my friend Mr. A smashing down a wall in his apartment.

That was actually quite fun, especially since I got to show my fantastic strength.

I also got the interesting experience to see how I will look when my hair turns gray. Rather handsome I would proclaim.

We took down the wall rather quick since we were 3 strong men and one even stronger lady. The problem was that Mr. A started to give us beer before we finished cleaning up. I guess his place still has a ton of bricks scattered around.

But I have also been reading hard. I actually had a lecture on propaganda in totalitarian states as part of my master and recieved the grade A since my lecture clearly "was well influenced by the theme I had chosen" as my sensor said it. I Guess my co-students never will pick on me on the amounts of books I have gathered on my desk.

I believe I got half the library there.

If you wonder why I got two unicycles by my desk it's because I had a couple of juggling shows. One at the summer party for my studies. 5 girls started crying when I put the torch through my pants. Clearly they believed that was the end of the fun we have had. I also had a show in a kindergarten where a friend of mine is working.

Me as a turkey with its tail on fire. The kids love it and their parents even more.

So as you all can see I have been quite busy. I have also been working, but that is not much fun, so I will not give you that story.

But I have started with one new thing. I am trying to get a driving license for motor bike. Some people claim that the chance of dying escales by 100 percent when driving a motor bike. But I already got a monster between my legs which puts me in deadly danger every time i leave my apartment, so I believe that one more will not hurt that much.

Take care all, enjoy the summer weather and keep on checking in as I believe some goodies will come your way in the future. By the way, youtube canceled my account for videoposting. I don't know why, but probably it was eighter because I posted myself taking a dump or because I uploaded copyright material. Anyhow all my videos are gone. Sorry!

Last but noy least, congratulations to Mr. M and Miss M for getting their music played on radio. Check out Cobra Kai as this band soon will rock a place close to you!

Take care and thanks for all the muffins!

How old am I?

2006-06-04T10:23:00.000+02:00

I had a visit from my mother the other day and that was quite interesting.

I have lived on my own the last 7 years. I have learnt to make my own food, clean my floor, wash my clothes etc. (ok, the thing about the food was maybe not entirely correct, but thank God for frozen pizzas.)

Now my mom was in town and she came by my house to get a dinner (pizza) and a chat. But does she stop there? No I think not! She is clearly really frightened that I will not get a new girlfriend, so my mom starts of by vacuumcleaning my floor, wash it and then the windows. Then she puts all my clothes outside to give them a hint of fresh air. The fact that she loaned the tee I got from my little sister while doing this did not make the picture better. A 60 year old woman wearing a shirt stating "Trust me, its big!" may be a confusing sight, especially when this woman is your own mother.

Now I wonder how old my mom thinks I am. A normal mother would state "It's filthy in here. How can you live like this?" and then hand her son a bucket and some soap, but no my mom clearly didn't believe that I could manage the task myself.

When she understood that I got none kitchen towels, at least not clean ones, she got a troubeled look upon her face. Clearly she believes than no woman want a man who has none clean kitchen towels.

I think she is wrong on that part, but I actually have some clothes that needs to be washed so I am going to invite her over for a Gorby soon.

Emily is back home!

2006-05-23T07:49:00.000+02:00

As I stated yesterday, Emily came home from a year in South Dakota. She arrived actually before schedule. Unluckily my mom and dad did not. They where stuck in traffic while she was standing with 10 tons of luggage at the airport.

But they finally arrived and my sister was taken securely home. And one guy was for sure happy to see her. The dog. He went mental, actually more mental than usual. I think he shortcuted some of his brains circuits, cause he went like this for hours:

As a gift from her stay my sister had bought me a tee stating:

"TRUST ME, IT'S BIG."

That was nice, but she is rather well informed I believe, so now I wonder which one out there who told her about this? I thought I had made a deal with you not to share this information with anyone, and at least not with my sister.

I tried to push her on which of the delta males, which I have posted on my blog, was the real candidate to date her. But she just laughed of me. Of me, her big brother! Therefore I believe it is this guy:

So all of you who want her adress and phone number, I am sorry. She is clearly taken by the poor guy having a hard time cause he tries to take a dump, outside, with his pants still on. Just look at his face and you can see he is struggeling. But he is an American what can you expect?

Good to have you back Emily, but I think we have to work a long time with this knife and fork thing.

I don't know if you remember. But not long ago I sent a rather academical, or cheeky you may call it, mail to my boss. I was looking so forward to post his reply. But it never arrived. I believe I will get a note soon that I can pack my things up, so if anyone out there need a cheeky academic, don't hesitate to call. But you will have to pay me well!

Cheers!

Emily is coming home!

2006-05-22T08:36:00.000+02:00

Today Emily is coming home! We will have so much fun with her. After a year in South Dakota, surrounded by hillbillys and meta males she will probably have a hard time to assimilate with civilization, and I, for sure, am going to make a mess of her head.

If you look at this pic she has taken for her senior you can se the doped look she got and the cheesy smile. Probably the stay has mixed up some of her mental synapses. Most of all I'm looking forward to hear her mixed up language. Insted of "I believe this to be a metaphorical rather than practical problem!" she will now say "OH MY GOOOOOOOD!" She will probably state that about anything. "Dinner is served!" "OH MY GOOOOOOD!" "Look the toilet can flush, f-l-u-s-h, remember?" "OH MY GOOOOOD!" "Do not eat the grass..." "OH MY GOOOOOOD!" It will be so much fun.

Probably she will also complain on how small everything is "In the US the steak was much bigger, OH MY GOOOOOD!" but then again, nothing is bigger than her ego. I promise you all, it was humongous when she left.

We will have a hard time learning her to eat with knife and fork again, but we are all looking forward to it.

Welcome home Emily!

I bet it will take 5 hours before she has an argument with our mother, anybody up? 100 bucks in the pot.

If you have little to do today you might want to check out this video of an Asian show. My favourite is "Old man biting tenderly"

Waz up!

2006-05-20T09:44:00.000+02:00

Hi all.

I know it has beem a long time since I last wrote something on this blog. There has been a lot of speculations on why it has been like that. Some of you believe I got a new girlfriend, other think I'm finally studying and my mother assumed I was dead. That's quite normal. Luckily you where all wrong. What I have been doing? Come on, the sun finally arrived:

Sit inside and blog while the sun is up? I live in Norway, we got sun 5 days a year.

But I have been studying also, at least some. Actually the other day we had a celebration at my studies. Why? Because it was the final day for handing in our thesis. We where officially over time and of course that was a good reason for a party. While we where celebrating our defeat we saw this guy, he had obviously neither handed in his thesis:

Later in the evening we went to see our friend Morten and his friend Miss M play with their funk band Cobra Kai:

If Morten claims their music not to be funk, don't listen to him. I am a music journalist so I know my jargon. But the consert was absolutely cool.

What more have I done? Yes, the Norwegian national day was here. I had breakfast with my brother and some friends and a child. That was nice until my friends thought it was a good idea to change the diaper on the kid upon my bed.

In the evening I went to a party. That was also fun until the girl I danced with had to go to the bathroom and puke. Some people just can't take a tiny twist. I have to admit that when I left the party I was a bit twisted myself so I couldn't quite remember where I was.

That was the interesting stuff I think. Now I have to run to do some studying as I got a hand in in the end of this week. But on Saturday I got a reunion party, that will for sure be worth a post.

Ah yes, the day after tomorrow my sister Emily will come back to civilization. I can't wait to see which hillbilly she brings with her! She have to come back now I think. The trip to the States has been no good to her, just look at the pics she has taken and imagine how her superego will be. A year surrounded by mental retardness is not good for it I believe. But back home again she will soon get down to earth. At least as long down as we can get her, she was kind of filled with helium even before she left.

So long and thaks for all the jello!

Ole applies for a job, hilarity ensues

2006-05-06T10:05:00.000+02:00

Actually I shouldn't blog about this since I have yet not recieved an answer on my job application, but it is actually too funny.

I sent of a job application the other day. I had found a note at the University stating that the Center for Cultural Integration (not their real name, but I don't want them to find this through google) wanted to send one person of with the Peace Corps. This person will live in a place in Africa for 14 months and work at a university there. I thought this was perfect for me so I sat down and wrote an application explaining them what a perfect person I am. Not at least I told them about some of the crazy stuff I have worked with. As I was was going to send it in I realized that there was no information stating where I was supposed to send it in. I found this weird, but I went on the Net and entered the site of the Center for Cultural Integration. Then I had my best laugh ever, as it showed out that this center actually was a missionary school from my mothers hometown.

But then again, I would enjoy a stay in Madagaskar, and I have never tried to be a missionary before. So yes I sent the application. I believe this job will bring me one step further on my mission to become Minister of Propaganda.

If I will get the job? I don't think so. I realised too late that my CV states loud and clearly that I have performed at the gaycircus, worked at a gaybar and worked as confirmation leader for the hedeonistic society. Not your average missionary in other words.

By the way, here is one of the funniest cartoons I know. It's interactivity just blew me of the chair. At least 2 years ago. Google has done some changes since then. Click for larger image.

And I can't really hold this back anymore. The best candidate ever to date my little sister: The Hunter.

He will track her down in his sexy camuflage suite and show her some tricks with his gun, and not at least his bow and arrow.

This one you can bring home, we can have a lot of fun with him.

Fun with politics on a friday

2006-05-05T15:58:00.000+02:00

Summer has arrived and it's friday,. Time for some fun! I have a problem with my domain forwarding at the moment so you can not enter the site through my domain. Use www.kingkills.blogspot.com until I have fixed the problem.

Today we will focus upon inconsequense in politics. First of is my favourite politician Mr. Bush and some colleagues of his. I have commented before on the weird logic of the political community on their view upon Hamas. First they tell the palestinian people that "You have to make free and fair democratic elections!" But when the palestinians voted for Hamas they are told "You will get no suport since this is not the democracy WE wanted." Its a truly sick world.

Good democracy:

Bad democracy:

But Mr. Bush is now mainly targeting Iran and their president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Mr. Bush and company has stated that either Mr. Ahmadinejad either have to stop his research on nuclear weapons or he will be attacked. The interesting thing here is that the Alliance Against Civilization in the Middle East want to attack Iran with nuclear weapons. Is there anyone else who finds this a bit weird? "No you cannot have those weapons. If you do we will use such weapons against you! Get rid of our own? No way!" The fact that Israel and Pakistan have the same weapons doesn't bothers anyone.

- Mine is bigger than yours!
- Yeah, but its fucking thin!

But I have to admit that Norway also has it's share of crazy politicians. And the weirdest of them all are the members of the ultra-conservative-right-wing party FRP one of the biggest parties in Norway. Just look at these nice people, one have to adore them.

Now FRP have stated that they want to use chemical sterilisation on every sex-offender in Norway. I find this quite a good idea and I hereby put my vote in to let this guy, the mayor in Os, to go forward as the first example:

If I remember correctly he had an affair with a girl at the partys national congress. And if I am not wrong this girl was quite young and also drunk. Maybe some people will claim that she did nor resist the actual intimacy part. But look at him again and ask yourself who would ever have sex voluntarily with this man? Give him a bit of chemical castraiton I say!

Another interesting outburst from this party happened not long ago. This party has claimed for a long time that if a foreigner (that would for them be anyone who doesn't have white skin or believe in christianity) want to stay in Norway they have to learn norwegian. Now a lot of their voters are fat ugly Norwegians living in Spain. Most of them can't even say thank you in english and even less in spanish. One wouldn't expect no more from them either, but now the leader of this party claimed that "If spanyards want to work with norwegians in Spain they have to learn to speak Norwegian!" The fact that the norwegians living in Spain, according to his own political brain, should have been thrown out from the country long time ago since they hav not managed to assimilate them into the spanish society does not seem to bother him. Clearly this rule does not apply to norwegians cause we are white.

But the norwegians in Spain does not stop complaining here. Now they also state that they want their own Norwegian high school in Spain. The Norwegian government said no to this. But then Mr. FRP himself went out and stated "This is wrong and shows a clearly negative attitude." I wonder what he had said if the Somalian government wanted to start a somalian school in Norway. One of the we-dont-speak-spanish norwegians in Spain stated "It is not an option for me to send my kids to a spanish school." But of course, how can one expect this people to learn the language of the society they are living in. That would probably be too much for their brains. I would be truly happy if the spanish government would let all these norwegians stay. I do not want to have them around here, it is more than enough with their political views. To have them here physical would be a torture.

Now you might say "This is nothing new Ole. We all know this (at least the smart one of us who doesn't vote or vote for another party), why are you rambling about this then?" Well here is my point. I have been wondering where all these nationalistic and clearly fascistic tendencies come from, and during my studies I found the answer.

While I was reading one of my books I saw a picture of Mr. Bjørn W. Guineriusen. He was a norwegian who during WWII was one of the Silberfüchse which was a SS Jagdverband organisation of a nucleus of welltrained and ardent supporters of Nazi ideology. They where suposed to act as a stay behind group behind the Soviet front (yes, americans, the soviets where a part of the allies during the war). Mr. Guineriusen was leader of one such operation, which failed as they where captured by the Red Army. Now look at Mr. Guineriusen:

An then look at Mr. Hagen, the leader of the party in question.

Quite a recemlance I might say.

But this is not all. If you also look at Mrs. Hagen and compare her to Olga Bjoner, leader of the Nationalistic Woman Organisation in Norway during the war I believe we can state that these nationalistic feelings have been geneticaly transfered down the line. I rest my case.

As a final I like to present a new candidate to date my sister. As there is a chance that my sister is lesbian (who knows?) I present a girl today and clearly she likes to hang around in bars:

This one she will be allowed to take with her home.

To finish this Funny Friday of I want to present for you a loving mothers gift to her son, this.

Last funny friday

What will I do?

2006-05-03T16:30:00.000+02:00

As you all now have read my blog for a while you are of course wondering "What will Ole do for a living?" Especially since you have read about my studies an not at least my highly interesting History of Weird Work. The question on who will be the lucky one to get use of all my knowledge and experience is an essential one. And here is the answer you all have been waiting for, at least some of it:

Recently I tried to get an answer on this question myself. I know what my objective is, but how to get there is still a problem. The highly uninformative newspaper Dagsavisen proclaimed that their workpanel would answer all questions regarding work. Therefore I sent them an enquiery.

All of you who believed that I will use my skills to make a benefit for a better world are unfortunately wrong. Heck, solidarity has never made anyone rich! And my exclusive skills would be wasted on such matters. This is what I sent of:

Subject: A question on work.

Dear Dagsavisen.

My name is John Tender and I have a question concerning future employment, and some friends of mine told me I could ask you.

I am an exchange student on the University of Oslo where I am writing my master thesis in media and communication. I will hopefully be finished with my master this summer and start look for work. I got high ambitions for myself and hope that you could give me some guidance.

In the start I expect to do a small job in a company or organisation in Norway (I want to continue working here as the salaries are better here than most places). I hope such a work will give me the opportunity to work abroad, primarily in Africa.

Once in Africa I would like to get to know some important people. It is actually necessary for me to have a job where meeting such people comes naturally. My final ambition is for these important people to set me up with the national government. Once I get to know them I hope they will give me the post as Propaganda Minister, or "Minister of Information" as it will be named.

As Minister of Propaganda I plan to build one really nice and comfy hospital where we can give room for maybe 1000 people (at least not more) who is suffering from AIDS and give them the best treatment possible. The hospital will of course be one of the best. I will also manage to get one female person into the government, as minister of culture, modernisation, integration or other unimportant department. The best would be if this women is a muslim so we also can remove her Hijab and truly liberate her.

I will then invite the foreign press and show them all this. What happens behind these beautiful things, like genocide, famine, millions dead of AIDS or other not so popular things will be unimportant and not my business. I will only show the press the good things. When this publicity is shown abroad I will of course explain the governments that we need economical support to sustain our development.

My salary for all this will be 10 percent of the money which comes in.

Now I wonder if you could give me a tip of a good starting job to reach this goal. My master is in media and communication, but I also got some corses in history of theatre and spanish. I also know how to make movies and I do some juggling on my spare time. Where should I send my applications?

The best thing would be to get staight into the position as Minister of Propaganda in for example Congo, Nigeria, Liberia or Zimbabwe (Mr. Mugabe could for sure need me), but this would be difficult. I hope therefore you, with your expertice, could help me out and give me some recomandations on companies and organisations in Norway where it is smart to begin.

Thank you so much for your help!

Sincerely yours,

John Tender

ps: how much do you believe I could gain in such a position?

I sent this request twice. But Dagsavisen never replied to me. Clearly their knowledge on work is not as huge as they insists upon. Experts my ass!

So if anyone out there has a good idea on how I shall reach my destiny as a minister of propaganda, don't hesitate, but give me your advice today!

By the way another hilbilly, tractorenthusiast which might be a candidate to date my little sister. Clearly he will take her on a lovely date on the back of his green, mean machine.

And for a little extra touch he will dress up in his protectional bodysuite and act retarded when her rage sets in:

New girlfriend?

2006-05-02T01:07:00.000+02:00

I guess all of you have voted now and clearly there is no way I should take away my unibrow. It's sexy, it's hot, it's everything your not. Here is the result from the vote:

Poll for Emily

Should I shave my unibrown?

No way! That unibrow is sexy!: 6 (28%)

Unibrow = Real Man: 5 (23%)

I love that unibrow: 5 (23%)

I want a man with unibrow!: 3 (14%)

Come get me as you are ole!: 2 (9%)

21 Total votes

Clearly it is time for a new vote. Recently I recieved an interesting comment. This comment goes way beyond my private sphere, but after posting myself taking a dump, I guess it doesn't have much to say. This is the comment I recieved:

Nå tror jeg du må få deg en dame!

Posted by Anonymous

4/30/2006 08:41:23 PM

In english it says:

I think you have to get a girlfriend now.

My bet is that this anonymous person is my mom. But anyhow all comments on my blog are taken seriously. Therefore I will consider this suggestion. But if I get a girlfriend I will waste all my time on silly stuff instead of my highly important blog. As my readers I believe it is important for you to give your opinion on the matter. So check in on my new vote "Girlfriend For Me?" located in the sidebar. Do not hesitate to give me your view on this essential problem, comments are welcome.

While you are thinking you might like to watch this clip featuring L'internationale performed by a genuine 80 year old commie.

Congratulation worker!

2006-05-01T15:50:00.000+02:00

Congratulation worker! Today is 1st of May and for the last time in my life I took a trip down to the center to take a check on the 1st of May parade and to see how the old commies are going along.

The first view which met me made me quite depress. My head was not completely attatched as I had a few celebration beers yesterday and my vision was also quite blurry. But in the entrance to the square where the parade was supposed to start I saw a bunch of people in blue jackets.

These guys are a normal sight on trains, metros and trams and usualy when you meet them they want to see your ticket. Since the norwegian word for the 1st of May parade "Første mai tog" can also me translated to "1st of May train" I suposed they had started to check if you had a valid ticket to participate. I found it quite sorrowing that also for this event they now take money, but I got my ticket out and went up to them. They just looked baffeled at me and it showed out that they where part of a music corps. Well bloody stupid of them to wear their working suit on a day off I would say.

Next thing that happens is a guy talking on the threath of atomic bombs.

This was quite a short speach and maybe there were 10 people listening to him. Actually the square was quite empty so I started to believe that I was to late. As you can see there wasn't even enough people to fill half the square:

But after a while the people started to pour in, and you found every kind of activist here.

Big and small, sitting and standing:

The military revoloutionaries (they where the least sober in the whole event)

The Black Block also finally showed up as the hangover from yesterday got better:

Hey, even Mr. Marx himself took the trip:

Then the leader of the Trade Unions made a speach. It was of course quite boring and of course mainly a lot of giberish with big words on how she and her fellow top leaders will make a better life for themselves with the help of the workers:

They could just as well have placed a sheep upon the pidestal.

But then finaly the big moment arrived. The moment when every 80 year old communist starts to cry, and every revolutionary dog starts to bark. L'international!

Well then finally the parade was ready to go, but I managed to mix in with a nice group of people. They where so kind to me that I chosed to joint their organisation named LTTE. Thay promised me that I could make a huge contribution by joining them. They will call me tomorrow on what my mission will be. They also told me that there would be great opportunities to meet some chicks in their organisation.

I went home after this as I believe the walking part was not of my priority today. But it is kind of sad to think that this was my last 1st of May parade ever. Cause next year I will have finished my master and will enjoy a leading position in the media market. I will not be welcome to join the workers on their great day then.

Here is yet another candidate to date my little sister: The Sexy Rock Star!

If he can play her som lovetunes is not known, but he for sure knows how to hold a guitar up in the air. But The Sexy Rock Star is not only creative when holding instruments up in the air. He also makes pottery!

Imagine the fantastic dates they can have together! But I bet you he does not participate in the 1st of May parade. Nobody with a shirt like that does.

I'm finally cordless

2006-04-30T08:03:00.000+02:00

While being out doing some shopping I bought myself a small treat. This is something I bought to my brother a long time ago and I have wanted one for myself for even longer. Since it was 200 NOK cheaper now than before I couldn't resist spending my hard earned money on it. This is what i bought:

Exactly, a pair of cordless headphones. They are suposed to have a range of 100 meters. It is clearly something everyone should have. If you still wonder what kind of a use this thing has just imagine when you go out to get rid of your thrash or to check your mailbox. How many times have you not thought "Oh, I would enjoy listening to some music now. To bad I can't bring my headphones outside." I mean, now I finally can!

Probably many of you still thinks "Why oh why do you spend money on crap Ole?" But you are just problem-oriented and not solution-oriented. Think about the times you have been sitting on the toilet, playing music really loud to hear it and then have your neighbours at your door to asking you to turn the music down. You have to admit that it is never fun to open your door with your trousers on your knee.

I do not have that problem anymore:

Complete malapropo here is another candidate to date my sister. He is clearly a hillbilly on the golftrack:

Obviously he neither has all his cords attatched.

Record me a message

2006-04-30T01:29:00.000+02:00

I have found a new feature for all of you to use. I see that many of you does not enjoy to comment and I have asked why. The most normal excuse is: "Nah, I don't know what to write." Well from now on you don't have to write!

You can now, by clicking on the "Send me an odeo" thingy which you find in my sidebar, record a voicemessage. Here you can tell me how sexy my unibrown is or what a big dick I ha... am I mean. So go ahead and start recording today by clicking the thing either in my sidebar or here:

By the way here is another guy from my sisters host town in the US. Clearly his life consists mainly of plowing the field in the sunset. How romantic. You don't need to bring him home either.....

Fun with blonds on a Saturday night

2006-04-29T19:56:00.000+02:00

As I said my sister, the one who is in the USofA claims that blond is better. I seriously doubt it as I now have done an investigation into the topic "blond" on the Net. This is what I found:

Blonds are normaly looked upon as quite cute, though they may not always be the brightest among us, and normaly not. Their cuteness have clearly confused a lot of teachers around the world. They would all really pass these good looking creatures, but it have prooved impossible to get them through a normal exam. That is the reason why they have made tests only ment for blonds:

But a person does not need to be hot even though she is blond:

But I would not recomend you to employ a blond to do any important work like taking care of the virus protection for the computers in the company. This might be the result:

But you have to be aware of their ability for blonds to confuse your mind when you meet one. Even when their overwhelmingly drunk they might look atractive in a strange kind of way:

This does not make up for their way of thinking in any manner:

But it looks like blond girl like to proclaim that their haircolor is the best. Such it is today and so it was in the 80s:

Maybe it is because of their specially made examen tests:

Not much have actually changed for the blonds since the 80s. Not even their working situation:

But whom is to be blamed for this? The managers or the blonds themselves?

Good for them that these specially made tests where made in the first place. If not they would have struggeled their whole life.

I mean you could put them on a stage and show them out for money. But some of them are not even up to that simple task:

Well well I can see now why my sister is a naturally misfit. But luckily she is now in the states and there there are plenty of guys who has a problem to even understand this one:

Here my sister will have a chanse, even as a blond to meet someone below her mental state. One good candidate is this handsome young man going to the same school as my sister. He is maybe not mentaly retarded, but he clearly does his best to act like one at his senior pic:

But Emily, there is no need of bringing him home.

As an end for all of this I will showe you a clip of a stupid brunette. This is one of my favourite clips. Why? Becase I am an evil motherfucker:

Last funny friday

A Bit Overdue?

2006-04-29T15:57:00.000+02:00

I have just been out to do some shopping. Primarily I went to get some beer for tomorrwo night as the day after tomorrow is 1st of May. In Norway that's a day where you walch in the first of May parade, celebrate old idols like Mr. Lenin and Mr. Marx. Because of this nobody is suposed to work this day and therefore its an exelent oportunity to drink on the 30th of April.

I also went out to get my leather jacket fixed and do some ajustment on my late grandfathers old watch so I can use it:

If you wonder why I wear the watch on my right arm it is because I am right handed and not left handed. To do anything else would be plain stupidity.

But doing all this I saw something funny. Some guy had clearly left his car without paying for the parking and he had not only recieved 1 ticket for this. No the nazi controllers had actually given him 7 of these nice notes. I bet all of them together are worth more than the car itself.

The car is clearly from Lithuania, so I don't really see why the traffic inspectors even bother. But probably they recieve a small bonus per ticket given.

I am an academic!

2006-04-28T18:48:00.000+02:00

After 5 years of studying academia I finally got a chance to use it in a working situation. In other words, 5 years of lending money from the governmet to buy beer paid off. This is what happened:

One of our benefits for working at the bus terminal is free busrides. Now the companies driving the buses have said that they will no longer let us enjoy this luxury. Yes they are cheap motherfuckers, but thats what happens when everyone want to gain as much money as possible rather than giving a service to the public. But this deal is a part of our contract at the terminal so the management had to give some kind of compensation. We recieved then a mail from our labour union representative that we had been offered 10000 nok (about 1500$) a year as compensation or we could have our own management pay the buscompany for our free rides. He asked us all to give our opinion on this.

Now one of these bus cards would cost 1810 NOK a month, but not everyone used it and of course someone would rather take the 10000 a year. After some discussion back and forth on this our chief sent us a mail were he said that it was silly stupid to have this discussion and that it was only the labour union who could negotiate these terms with the management. Furthermore the discussion did not follow the terms of the values in the company which are Rightness, Care, Structure and Responsibility (If you are a normal human being you will here say "WTF!?". They actually paid a guy a heck of a lot of money to give us these values, but that is not a funny story so I will not write it all out.)

He wrote further that these things would have to be considered on a meeting and then taken by the Labour Union to the management.

It was probably stupid of us to send all these mails also to the management, but normaly they are quite cool. But this mail I found hilarious. He says that we should not discuss these things, because it is not correct. Fuck off I say. I sat down and wrote a mail like this:

I don't believe it is your duty to tell us what we can and cannot discuss amongst ourself on mail. Take the carrot out of your ass and shut up.

-Ole

But I soon realised that such a mail would be badly taken. But then I got an idea. I got 5 years of academical research in my CV, why not use it. So this is what I sent to all my colleagues:

Dear all.

I see that XXXX thinks this is a bit silly, but I do not. I want to remind you all of the mail we recieved from XXXXXXXXX regarding our buspasses:

Bla bla bla (Not important, he told us only to respond to the offer we had recieved).

This was further followed up by XXXXXXXXXX who told us all to follow this invitation and reply on our opinion. The management are also more than welcome to reply, I see no problem with that. But to propose that such a discussion on the Net is silly I find little constructive. Such a view is rather problem-oriented than solution-oriented. (I love those words, they have little meaning other than being quite hard to prove not correct.) And to refer to our companies basic values (those stupid words we paid a lot to get) in this matter I also find very incoherent. (Since nobody understand what is ment by these values nobody can claim this to be wrong either.)

The Net is a pretty new medium, but to use this to communicate opinions and have a room for debates is one of it's most important benefits. By this everyone in our company get a chance to partisipate on this discourse which now have been lifted into the public sphere in the company. This is a lot better than to discuss it on a meeting vere some cannot participate as our business is running 24/7. We could also have taken the choice of not including the management in this discussion, but as a sign of confidence (rather stupidity) we have chosen to have this discussion in the open. If it is needed we could also have a meeting on this topic, but by this everyone has now recieved a chance to give their opinion on the matter. As far as I know no one have been hurt as a consequence of this, neither will anyone get hurt in the future.

It must also be added that this discussion has so far been on what opinion the Labour Union should have on the matter, and not what the management or our business as a collective should feel.

Sincerely yours,

Ole

Most of this is of course bloody silly crap ment to make people think "I did not quite understand that. Then it must be smart." Probably they will think I am so smart that they will promote me and give me a grand payrise.

On the other hand they might fire me, and my bet goes for the last solution. But by God it was funny to send of such meaningless crap, just as they give to us. I can't wait to get their response!

Mission failed!

2006-04-28T14:53:00.000+02:00

I have told you before that every women want to be in my bed. I have to admit now that that is not completely true. From today on there is at least one lost soul out there. This is what happened:

I was sitting outside enjoying a hit of nicotine ocupying the only bench which exists outside my institute. As I sit there a blond girl comes over and sits down with me. My little sister has told me that "blond does better" and since I haven't tried blond for 5 years I thought of this to be a good chance to check out this theory. Now a problem turned up. I have not tried to hit on a girl for the last 4 years, so I had no idea what to do. My brain completely blacked out.

Luckily for me this girl clearly was quite experienced in this business, so she starts talking to me. It comes up that I have actually met her once before. She had then requested me to look after her laptop while she went to do something. Since she had been gone for a long time I had asked someone else to take on to the task. But as she did not know about the effort I had done, she now complained to me that I had not done what I promised. But as the quite attractive guy I am I was soon forgiven. The rest of the conversation went like this:

Girl - So what do you take? (clearly a question which means "I find you highly attractive and sexy, and I very much want to talk to you or at least take a trip to your bed, but I have no idea what to say.)

Ole - Mainly I take marijuana, but if life is good I also like some extacy. If I have money my favourite drug is heroin though. But I also take coffe if that is your only offer.

I thought of this as a highly amusing remark. She did not as she now looked at me weird and stated: "No, I meant your studies." The fact that I later told her that I was a bit overdue with my master on terrorism and the media probably confirmed my statement on drugs as a fact and not as a joke. I believe it did nothing to help me on my mission.

The conversation continued:

Girl - So do you have anyone sponsoring your master thesis?

Now here it was my turn to raise my eyebrow. What the fuck is she talking about? First of all I see it as a bit strange to have someone sponsoring a master thesis. And who would sponsor a master on media and terrorism? The Organisation of Muslim International Revolutionaries? But as I said I wanted to check out a blond girl now, so I chosed to not make any remark on this. For christ sake I am not going to marry her! What I said was:

Ole - Well I get paid by the busterminal for watching buses, and I also sent an enquiery to Friele Coffee Company to support me. I told them I could write "This thesis was made on Friele Coffe" on my thesis, but they told me no as they only suport Brasilians. Not even when I wrote them and told them that I could act as a Brasilian did they want to help me out.

Girl (looking a bit conserned) - Ihavealecturenowbye.

And then she went away.

Now you have to see that all of this is quite close to the truth and I personaly found this story quite funny. She did not. I have never seen anyone disappear as quickly as she did.

Well one gone, but many more to put down. My mission will continue.

Norwegian state history

2006-04-27T17:58:00.000+02:00

At my last entry I made a short remark on Americans and their perception of history. They have a great ability to rewrity history so it fits better. One example is what Soviet and the Red Army and their orchestra was doing under WWII. Americans have a gift for not including them when talking about the allies. But doing my studies I see that we Norwegians have some problems ourselves.

At the homepage of the National Archive they have a secion about the Romani people in Norway. During years these people was lobotomized and sterilized by Norwegian doctors and the Romani people still have a hard time being included. But this is what the National Archive has to say:

Norske myndigheter har siden slutten av 1800-tallet arbeidet aktivt overfor taterne (også kalt omstreifere, fanter, reisende, romanifolket og annet). Myndighetene hadde som målsetting å integrere taterne i det norske folk med fast bosted.

In english:

The Norwegian authorities have since the end of the 19th century worked actively concerning the taters (also called vagabonds, travelers, hippies, romanipeople etc.). The government had as a goal to integrate the romanis into the Norwegian society with permanent places to live.

Integration into the Norwegian society my ass! Rather up their nose I presume.

Am I a lunatic?

2006-04-26T20:00:00.000+02:00

Recently, I had an interesting comment on one of my posts. Well I have had quite a few interesting comments, but for now we will focus on this specific one. The commenter wrote:

You're so twisted and you have so many mental issues.

Now actually this is quite an harsh statement, but is it wrong to proclaim so? Because lately I have begun to wonder. You see my sister and her husband went to Bulgaria during easter, and as bigger sisters are suposed to she bought me a gift. The gift probably says a lot about me. This is what I got:

Yes, you are quite correct. This is a small purse where I can keep my hard earned cash. And yes, it is shaped as an handgrenade. Now you all think "Is the sister of Ole a lunatic? Who would buy something like that?". Well I can tell you about one person who would buy something like that. Me. I was actually quite happy for this gift.

Of course I can never use it. Imagine going into the bank, draw up a portemone like that and say, in your most polite voice: "Can I change some money please?" I promise you, the anti terror squad blowing your head off will not be that polite. My sister would never have something like that in her house, but clearly she knows me to well.

Another incident happened not long ago as me and some friends where out having a joll. One of my friends stated: "It's quite weird. I know of none persons who are proclaiming to be a pacifist who has such an interest in the military as Ole." He benchmarked this statement by reassuring all the others that he had been in my apartment and seen some strange shit. I would say this is not so strange stuff actually. I mean his only reason for proclaiming so is that I have decorated my apartment just a tiny bit. This is what he refered to:

I mean this is not unormal things to have is it? (If you wonder the nazi helmet is real. It was taken by my grandfather from a german which he had to strangle with his own bare hands. At least according to his own story.)

Another incident which even made me wonder more was with my ex-girlfriend. I was lying in bed and I had just finished an exam on propaganda posters during WWII. I wanted to read a bit before sleep so I picked up the book "History of a German" by Sebastian Haffner. My ex stated loud and clearly "Oh! Are you never getting tired of that shit!" I did not get laid that night for sure, and probably my affection for history on war was contributing to the stop in our relationship. So maybe I am a lunatic?

But all this made me remember an incident way back in time, and this is the real story which I was going to tell you. Back then I did not find it amusing, but now it is quite funny, though it says a lot about my mentality.

This happened like 14 years ago. At that time I was 11-12 years old. And I promise you I was looking quite different back then. Now I am looking quite cool. I mean, nowadays, every man want to be in my shoes and every woman wants to be in my bed. It's quite exhausting being me somethimes.

Anyhow, when I was 11-12 I was not that cool. I was on the other hand an innocent looking kid. The smallest one ever and with the longest blond hair any boy have ever had. It was, for some people who should have gone to an eye doctor, quite hard to tell the difference between me and girls at my age. One time I was even thrown out of the boys changing room by the caretaker at the gym. I cut my hair shortly after. To help on your imagination here is a pic of me taken at that time:

At this time we where suposed to do an assignment at school, and this is the point where my insanity came alive I guess. We where not suposed to do any retarded assignment like math or grammar. No, we where told: You can write on any topic you want to.

That is just like a master without all the boring method and theory and about 115 pages shorter. I went into the task like it was my christmas gift. This was before the Internet so I had to go to the library to get my information. I promise you, the people working ther started to look weird at me after I had been there for the sixht time in a week. In the beginning they probably though I was loaning some books for my father, but in the end their eyes got a bit sceptical, and I believe one of them was about to call the child care service. What I loaned? Wait a bit, I will get to that in a second.

Anyhow I wrote my report, a quite good one I would say, and the day we where going to hand it in the whole class was sitting in a circle. The teacher, one of them nice one which all the girls thinks are their "favourite teacher ever". I though she was quite ok. She was also good looking if I remember correctly, but my memory at that point might be confused by my pre-pubertal mind a couple of years later. Anyhow she tells us that she wants us all to read a bit from our report for the rest of the class to enjoy.

I was so happy about this. Finally someone would have to listen to the fantastic work I had done. But first I had to listen to a lot of boring stuff. And I mean BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING. Any normal kid at that age would pick a topic like "Dogs which I like", "My favourite football team", "Horseriding", "My beat friend" and other armbreaking topics. Armbreaking because one would fall asleep, fall of the chair and break an arm before you could read one sentence of that stuff. Think about the poor teachers going through such stuff written by hand by a twelve year old kid. They all need a pay raise I would say. And of course my class mates were mostly normal.

But then it is finally my turn and I am so exited as I have finally found the passage which I will read. Now I bet all of you are waiting to hear about my topic. It was:

Nacht und Nebel Prisoners

Now I suppose that all of you know what Nacht und Nebel (NN) prisoners was. For all of you who have a lack of history I can tell you that this were prisoners, mainly from the resistance, which the Germans had to get rid of without anyone knowing. This ment that they where all sent in secrecy to a consentration camp where they were suposed to die (yes short story dad, I know). Talking about history, I can tell my American readers that the Soviet Union was on the allied side during WWII, but Americans and their understanding of history deserves a post for themeselves so no more of that for now.

Now you can imagine, I am sitting there in this circle with my class. I am twelve years old, got long blond hair and I am nearly tripping of exitement. Finally I got the attention of the whole class, at least from the ones who are still awake, and my teacher says, with her sweet voice: "Your turn Ole, read us a bit from your work." This is what followed: Ole, bright with exitement, takes up his paper and starts of, with a strong childish voice:

"One of the most normal methods the Germans used against their prisoners was to hang them up from the ceiling. Usualy with a rope attatched to each arm which both were bent backwards. As you hang there you would slowly feel your muscels tear apart and your shoulder would eventually get ripped loose from the rest of the body. Meanwhile gestapo agents would tear out your tonail, slowly, with blood pouring down on the floor, until you faint of exhaustion. As you wake up by a bucket with ice cold water getting thrown at you, washing some of the blood away from your body, you would slowly get to your sences. The read vision in front of your eyes would slowly open and the gestapo agent would look at you with a grin on his face before he beat you up with his baton. The ones who survived this treatment would be caried away to their cell as a slack hot dog with a bit to muck ketchup on. (That last description I actually stole from one of the books I had read, but don't tell my teacher.) Here they would wait in agony before the gestapo once again came to get them"

After this the classroom went quite silent. The ones who had been drifting away in their own mind before I started were now quite awake. All the girls in my class looked strucked by lightning, one guy said "Hehe hehe, thats cool." My teacher was gone green in her face, but she managed, after a while, to say: "That was.....eh....interesting. But does it have to be that gory?" As I saw it as my mission to educate all such stupid people I told her that that was how it was, and if it the history was gory it was nothing to do with it. You cannot change history, daaaa.

I did not get the aplause I had expected and this class was shortly after called off. I believe my teacher never read my work as she was quite happy to go through the works on "My favourite vacation place". So that was the end of my effort to enlighten my classmates.

I guess this proves I am a bit of a lunatic. But at least I have been one my whole life, and so far I have done quite well, therefore I guess there is no reason to change the twisted parts of my mind yet.

As a finish, while some of you go to the bathroom to throw up, I have some soon-you-come-home gifts for my little sister (and now for something completely different. The Larch!) Here are some videos for you to enjoy while you wave goodbye to the South Dakotan society:

Ole finds magazine at work, hilarity ensues

2006-04-23T14:36:00.000+02:00

Yesterday at work I was on duty as assistant traffic controller. This might sound like an important work, but I promise you there is not much to do. The maint part of this work is to open the toilets when the lock jams and open the luggage lockers when people are to stupid to get them up.

Anyhow I am in the traffic controller room trying not to go more mental than I allready am. As I am jumping up and down while singing in an effort to make my co-worker go mental I see a magazine lying on a shelf. I pick it up and as I see the cover I toss it over to my colleague and proclaims "Here is something for you to read". She clearly thinks its a girl magazine about trenda and makeup and opens it up without looking at the cover which was this:

Last time I looked into a porn magazine was 12 years ago when me and my friends found one. Times has clearly changed. The good old black thing which used to fill most of the pictures is now gone. My colleague found this highly amusing and had a great laugh of headlines like "Tonya Thight likes them BIG". She flips the pages for a while, but she is clearly nervous every time a bus passes by. She did not want to get caught with a porn magazine in her hands.

Suddenly the door bursts open, my co-worker gets a shock and tosses the magazine under her desk. The guy who washes the terminal comes in to leave his keys. We both act like the least thing we had done was to flip through a magazine filled with pictures of women spreading their legs.

The washing guy lay the keys down and with a confused look he says "Where is magazine?" My colleague don't quite get it and says "Your medicine?" "No, magazine, I had a magazine lying here, but now its gone..."

I promise you, I have never seen a face with more resemblance to a red traffick light as my co-worker bends down and hands him the magazine. He, on his side, stated that it belonged to a friend of his who had forgotten it, but he also asked her if she would keep it. I am meanwhile lying double bent on the floor laughing my ass off.

Greatest thing to happen at work in ages.

By the way talking about mediated porn you should check out this highly interesting coverage of a serial killer at Fox News, featured by The Daily Show:

Funny Friday

2006-04-21T19:47:00.000+02:00

It's once again Friday! My o my has this week gone fast. I worked night shift last night, and I slept only a couple of hours before going to work again. But I will do my best to give you some fun.

Since it is Friday many of you will go out to celebrate. Why? Because tomorrow is saturday of course. But one guy who celebrated a bit to early is this one:

He could probably have learnt a thing or two from this dalmatian:

This guy was also a bit to cocky I presume:

The lesson to be learnt from this? Never celebrate on a Thursday. Exept if you are a student of course.

But these bicycle people really impress me sometimes. Clearly they are one-of-a-kind dickheads who thinks life exists of walking on pedals and to reach some finish line first no matter how hard. But clearly they can't fight like real men:

But their public is not the most exeptional either:

I bet their public exists mainly of people like the ones portrayed below. I hav no idea why they do this, and I would not recomend you to do it at home, school, your work place or anywhere else. When you got the idea please feel free to skip the rest of the video. Actually I feel obliged to tell you that this is a video of a guy trying to break a CD with his forehead. How? By having another guy step hard on the back of his head. Imagine the worst scene from "American History X", but this time for real.

I will, after considering it, not embed it, but if you want to watch it click here. ANother stupid act of the same guys? Click here. These guys one can only find in America I presume... Hey don't blame me, I warned you. Ok let's rather see some kids going "jackass":

So much fine cultural things one can find at the Internet today.

If you have to much money in your hands, but still are an idiot, you might consider to buy some of this stuff. How about a six part toaster for example to spice up your kitchen:

That was it for today because I have to do some serious studying. But please, no matter what you do this weekend, don't dance like this guy:

Last funny friday

Time for some insultment

2006-04-21T01:16:00.000+02:00

On this blog so far I have tried to insult everyone and everything from politicians on the left and right, fascists, women in general, my sister a couple of times, Asians, Italians, Americans and their political preferences, celebrities and many many more.

The last ones out to get hit by Smoking Kills (and it looks hilarious @omir.org) and my nervebreaking insults was people who like techno music and my friend whom I tried to reveal as classical nerds. What happpened? Nobody cared, at least not much. On my last 3 posts I have recieved 2 comments all together and one of them was from me. Clearly its time to dig deep in the area of insultments.

First of all I thought of insulting my mom. Her favourite man, except my father, me and Mao is this guy:

Who would ever go through their happy students day profiling this guy as their sexual idol? Yes my mom is a shrink, but clearly not among the most down to earth people on earth. But then again, my mom is not easy to insult, and she probably wouldn't care enough to comment.

I could also make fun of my father who is well known to be a pimp in the states after my sister got tired of explaining his real work.

But even pasting his face into some weird pics would probably not give the comments i am hoping for.

I could also make some hilarious comments on people who have lived the last few years in some Norwegian hillbilly village and finally decided to move out in the great big world. And then after considering all the possibilities like New York, Paris, London, Hong Kong and other great places decides to go to leeds.

I wouldn't even consider sending my worst enemy to this place where the rain is pooring down and a walk to town is like a trip to the zoo. But that would probably neither give any great comments.

I could also make some stuff up on people who are finally going to finish their bachelor degree, and what are their ambition? To work in a café for the next 6 months. Not exactly a job which requires 3-4 years of education.

Or I could make fun of guys who start to drink at the age of 27, people who thinks the man of their life comes from Moss (hilarious thought that real men comes from Moss), people who takes a degree in Reactor Operating and goes on to use this intelligence in the navy, or people who believes that smoking is unhealthy. Heck I could even insult myself in several different ways and nobody would comment on it.

But there is one thing that for sure will get some rage going and give me several hate mails. So therefore, the ultimate insult-to-get-comments for you all:

Sprint Jeløy soccer team sucks big time. What they do is not to play football but to fool around like babies making their first steps. I bet you they would even loose against the Taiwanese volleyball team on a football field. This team is made up by loosers who never made it out in the real world, and who still lives at home with their parents. The thought of these guys ever winning a soccer game is against reality. They stink as much as the city from which they come from. And their song is even worse. I don't even want to translate this shit:

Det bor en klubb der utpå øya,
There is a club out there on the island
der er det karer som kan sine ting.
there are guys who know their stuff (sic!)
Når bare dem blir varm i trøya,
If they just get some heat in their shirts (skirts?)
da kan dem lage mange store ting.
they can make a lot of great things (like making a snowman I guess)
Ja, vi skal alltid holde sammen,
Yes we will always keep together (don't take me away from mom)
selv om litt motgang møtes på vår vei.
even if we meet a little resistance on our way (little is clearly an understatement)
Da skal vi synge både du og jeg:
Then we can sing both you and I: (oh no, please, enough!)
At Sprint er klubben som har vaska seg!
Sprint is the clubb who has washed themselves (by the smell I doubt it...)

Horrible, horrible song. If one can sing this song without puking one would probably have to be a no-brainer like the players who actually is in the team.

The best team Sprint-Jeløy had this year

Now I can lean back and just wait for the comments to pour in.

Where have all the studenst gone?

2006-04-20T07:14:00.000+02:00

I am number 1! I am the first student to arrive today, that has not happened in a long time. Last time was when I arrived directly from a night shift and was supposed to have seminar lectures. I tried to catch some sleep before this lecture then, but the freaking washing guy disturbed me so these lectures ended up being kind of confusing. But today I am wide awake and all alone.

I even had to turn on the lights. Yes if you want to you may call me God cause today I got the power! And redy to take upon some serious studying.

Actually I have done some mathematics and I have to produce 3.3333333 pages per day to have a first draft of my master thesis ready for the middle of may. As you have seen this kind of pressures is not good for my blog as I can no longer produce as many posts as I would like to. This is of course not for your benefit as you need me to make your day better. Because of this I challenge you all to help me out.

My task for today is to write something highly informative and geniously on the power of the word. To do this I want to combine Claude Lévi-Strauss, Pierre Bourdieu and George Orwell. I want to combine the mythos and the structure of language with the symbolic power to show how this might be used to create newspeach and as such used to manage the public sphere and get some good old thoughtcontrol.

Now of course I could sit down and read some books, but that would be highly egoistic and not for your benefit. And of course all the readers of this blog are highly educated people on the top of the cultural axis and maybe also on the economic. So if you want more updates please send me your knowledge and thought on the subject. Do not hesitate, but go ahead and make my day. Meanwhile I will enjoy a cup of coffein and a hit of nicotine.

Talking above my head

2006-04-16T12:30:00.000+02:00

I am so fascinated by peoples interests and knowledge sometimes. I have some friends whom every time they come over to my place discuss some weird topic. And normally it's a topic which I have none knowledge about. Usually I end up drinking and singing for myself. Of course this never goes well. Is it weird that my friends think I am a drunk?

Last time my friends came over they were discussing speaker systems. For me I am quite happy as long as I have this:

But they where discussing how many Omh (or wathever it is called) there is in a speaker with 70 cubichectar and two defilibrators with a slow mounted stickerwire. They claimed that two disconectors would get 4 Omh while 8 Omhs would give higher density. I had, in other words, no idea what they where talking about. They even turned on the computer to check out stuff like this:

I tried to explain them that a 70 cubikmeter apartment with 8 rooms would give lower density than a 40 cubicmeter with only 3 rooms. They laughed of me.

This actually happens to me quite often. Another time two friends of me where discussing time travel in theory vs. practise. I actually learnt that if you bend time in a parabel you can always go back to the starting point, where time will remain the same. Also gravity will interact with time at some small level. This is all very interesting, but I could not contribute much to the discussion.

Now I know that some things I am not supposed to have much knowledge upon. Like cars, sports, makeup, the implication of fusion between water and gasoline or how to make superglue. I know enough to survive in these fields. But one of my friends favourite topics are computer science. This always puts me off, cause I like to pretend to know much about computers. But when they start to talk about the terrabyte line based in MS DOS they use at NASA I always loose track of the conversation.

They also like to talk about the latest graphic card which they have seen. Suposedly it runs with dual ex-flixhead components with a ronsted line and tricker cooling system which one can maneuver through the alfa Linux system and triple the speed by bending the efilus charge. I always try to get into these discussions, but normaly I end up drunk again and singing for myself.

This I can understand:

not this:

But last night I had an incredible experience. Someone was finally talking about stuff I know. The conversation went someting like this:

Guy1 - 4-4-2 is really hard to pull off.

Guy2 - No no no, 4-4-2 is easier than a 3-3-4 and much better.

Ole - 4-4-2 is not that hard. A 3-3-4 would mess up the rythm I believe.

Guy2 - But the 3-3-4 would make a better float I believe.

Ole - But compared to Mills Mess its slightly the same, exept one have to go over instead of under and the site swap between left and right have to be made quicker.

Guy1 - Mills Mess? Where does he come into the game? One should try not to swap too much I think as the game would be harder to pull off if you ask me.

Ole - Mills Mess is close to a 4-4-2 if you ask me and without swapping there wouldn't be much trick left. You know Mills Mess, inspiered by Steve Mills. But if you would like less site swapping then a 2-2-4 would do the trick, I mean that is just Boston Mills.

Guy2 - 2-2-4? You can't play with 2-2-4 then you would lack like 2 players on the field. Boston Mess, Mills Mess and Steve Mess are brothers I presume?

Ole - Players? Brothers? WTF are you two talking about?

Guy1 and Guy2 - Football! What the hell are you talking about?

Ole - Juggling of course!

Well well, I was a bit of the track there. But for once I thought someone had the same strange interests as me, but no. That would probably go against reality. But I guess I also got some strange topics to discuss which noone else understands. I can probably discuss these with myself while singing and being drunk.

This is perfectly understandable. Isn't it?

Technoheads

2006-04-16T10:54:00.000+02:00

Last night I was at a party. Well I maybe shouldn't call it a party, but a gathering of 10 people where noone knew anyone. It was quite fun, especially as the gin kicked in. The friend I went with had promised me that coke was excellent to mix with gin. I did not believe him and I promise you. Gin and coke is not a good mix (And yes mom, I went home with the last metro).

The guy who had the place had just moved in and the only device he had to play music on was a small radio. I don't listen to often to radio on Saturday nights, but clearly there is not much to listen to. The girl who was sitting closest to the radio found a station which she thought was so cool. It was a station playing techno non-stop.

Now clearly techno is not my favourite music. The people who enjoy techno is neither my favourite human beings. I mean look at them:

Obviously we are not talking about the brigthest people on earth. Now I actually do have some friends who enjoy techno, but i try not to see them so often.

I told this girl (she was actually dressed as some kind of an angel) that I thought her taste of music sucked, and that if not the gin and coke mix would do the trick, then her "we-got-no-taste-or-brain" music would probably make me puke.

She did not find this very amusing, but told me rather how she had learnt to appreciate this music while she was in Germany. She also told me how she had learnt to appreciate other stuff while being there. This did not surprise me much.

I asked her then, ignorant as I am, if techno music is huge in Germany. She started to tell me about "Loveparade", the big techno parade which millions of no-brainers attend every year in Berlin. I have actually been to this parade myself, accidentaly, and it was quite fun, but I did not tell her that. I rather asked why she thought the Germans enjoyed techno music that much. She claimed it to be because the Germans was so cool humans. I had another view on the topic, and I explained it to her.

I told her that probably the rythm of the techno music is quite close to march music and if you listen closely there is not that huge a difference between "Horst Wessel Lied" and the music played by DJ Rasgunyado, and I am not only saying this to insult Mr. Wessel.

As we all know Germans are traditionally quite fond of such music.

The girl did not find this remark funny. Actually she got pretty offended. But hey, if she can't take a joke, she should not blame me. Probably her choise of music and taste of other stimuli, together with her 4 years in Krauterland, has messed up her sense of humor. If she ever had one (her father worked for the military so I actually doubt it).

I always find it quite scary when there are huge groups of Germans getting together. Shouldn't ther be a law against that?

If you ask me there should also be a law against techno music. I can't wait to become dictator.

Why oh why?

2006-04-15T11:30:00.000+02:00

There must be some kind of a lunacy going on in the world today. "Oh drop the bomb Ole..." is probably your first thought now. But you have to see that I am talking about a psyco kind of lunacy. There seems like popstars and their likes have a certain need of getting sculptures made of themselves. And not just any kind of sculptures. Take a look for yourself:

This is the sculptur Kate Moss got made for herself:

I mean who would want be pictured like that? And even worse, to have something like that in the living room. The kids in that house would probably suffer from eternal trauma.

But an even worse statue (if possible) is the one Britney Spears got made of herself. Look at this:

This is just so wrong in so many ways. I mean I don't even know where to begin.

Suposedly this sculpture is from Britneys birth. The word "birth" is, on the other hand, the last one to come up in my mind when looking at this sculpture. First of all, what is the bearskin doing there? I mean poor bear being molested like that. And who on earth have ever seen anyone giving birth kneestanding on a bear rug? It's just an utter pervertion in my mind, but that might be me.

I am quite happy though that the statue is not photographed from all sides like the Kate Moss one. But again imagine Britneys kid when he is told: "This is from your birth cutiepie, look how mama was struggeling." Poor bastard.

Another guy who also enjoyed being eternalized by bronze was the Norwegian ex-prime minister. I have still not understood why he was given a sculpture, the fact that anyone would like to have him in their hallway is disturbing. You have to be a real wacko to want something like that.

On the other hand, if you want one of Mr. Georgie you can by it for 1995$. If you also buy the "Freedom watch" and pay 5990$ for both. A fantastic offer! I mean who can live without these wonderful statues?

Other people throughout history has also enjoyed being made in bronze. And they have all been quite succsessful in their fields.

But hey, its a human right to get a statue made of oneself. It has of course nothing to do with satisfaction of the Superme. And a statue is not only satisfactory for oneself. For example I bet Mr. Bondevik also enjoyed the Britney statue. Probably he enjoyed it even more than she did herself:

Oh I almsot forgot. The king of kitschy sculptures. Mr. Jackson and his friend Mr. Bubbles:

Funny Saturday

2006-04-15T08:20:00.000+02:00

Yes I know. Last week it was Funny Sunday, this week it is Funny Saturday. My mom has told me to organize my life better, but it is not always that easy. She has also told me to study harder and not only to blog. Because of the rule that I can only blog while working I had to postphone Funny Friday and make it a Funny Saturday. The fact that I, instead of working and blogging, went out and got hilariously drunk yesterday has nothing to do with this temporary namechange. I also managed to tell a girl that she was so ugly that her mom probably had to put a paperbag on her head when giving her a goodnight kiss.

Anyway we will not make to much fun of my mom or ugly girls today. We will rather take upon an easier target. And which is the easiest target to make fun of these days? Exactly right. I mean just look at this guy:

Ok I know one should not make fun of people because of their apperance. My mom has told me so (no I did not tell the girl the thing about the paperbag mom. I'm not mean, what did you think of me. I only told she that she was ugly.) But Mr. Bush is not only funny in appearance. When he opens his mouth its hard not to laugh. Espescially when he proclaims himself as a strategic thinker:

The comparison between Bush and monkeys is well known. And for sure it is hard to see the difference somethimes.

But the one thing that puts the Bushlovers in a state of rage is the comparison between Mr. George and Herr Adolf. They really hate that one. And because of that, lets look into this comparison:

Of course anyone can make a photoshop picture with comparison between Herr Hitler and Mr. Bush. One can also make a cartoon which depicts some similarities.

and:

But it is the fact that the Republicans really hate such comparisons which makes it most fun. Because of that here are some pictures to make your blood boil:

It's fascinating to see how this comparison really shakes the floor. A teacher in Colorado got suspended after he compared Bush rethorics with the ones Hitler had made 70 years ago. What he said? Listen here. And the website MoveOn.org had to remove a flash video which compared Bush with the Chief of Krauts. Luckily its hard to remove things from the Net. So here is the video.

The Republicans went totally mental because of this video and made their own version called "Kerry's Coalition of the Wild-eyed". I have still not found this video, but I foun this highly inovative Taxpay game. Its really entertaining. As entertaining as watching grass grow. But this "Yes I am a Republican" video is even more interesting.

Life is not always easy when this guy is the idol of your dreams:

Well I guess there is a mountain of stuff to put in here, but I will now leave the stage for you and recommend you to give a comment on the funniest Bush stuff you got. And enjoy your weekend!

And mom, for your information: I was not drunk yesterday, but stayed as home. You see, Bush is not the only liar in this world.

Last funny friday

Can one get a free ride?

2006-04-13T15:22:00.000+02:00

As I have told you all me and 6 other fellas was just on a student trip to Denmark. Now of course you all wondered how we, as students, could afford the ticket for such a trip. I can inform you all that we got the tickets for free after we sent an SMS to a competition Stena Line pulled off. But for a while we were quite scared for not winning enough tickets.

Because of this I sent Stena Line a short mail. I had not recieved any notification that I had participated in the competition. I thought for a while that maybe Stena Line did not want me onboard on their boat. If so, would they also keep other groups of people out of their boat?

If any of you feel offended of me making fun of people with disabilities when it comes to writing I am sorry. But even the best one can have dificulties on that area:

This is what I sent off:

Dear Stena Lain.

I have a question for you.

My name is John and I live in Norway as an exchange student. I have ben her for a while now and finally mandged to get some frends in your cold, but wonderful country.

Some off my new friends told me about your new boat ans that you had a compettition to get free tickets with your boat. They told me all I had to do was to send the mesage "Stena båt", "Stena avis" or "Stena line" to your telephone number 2225.

At first i tried to call you and leave this messages, but that did not work out well, so I borowed a frends phone to send you an sms. I am adyslectic and as you maybe see my writing is not the best. All my new friends have got a reply when they sent messages to you. But I have recieved non... One of them even won a ticket for four, but since there is five of us I cannot go with them, I would realy also like to bring som other frends. Is it because I am dyslectical that you wont answer me?

I know I sent you the messagges corect since a friend helpd me, but of course I might understand that you are afraid of having one as me onboard on your new ship. But my problem is actualy not that big. Only once have I gone into the wrong batroom, and I have no problem with numbers if I just read slowly so I prommise I can find the corect cabin to slep in. So I canot cuite understand why this would stop you from replying me. Is it maybe also because I am a foreigner (from Wales)?

I would really much appresiate a reply, since a cruise to Denmark is needed now in the middle off my studies, and al my friends tells me how much fun it is on your boat. Can you also smoke inside here? That would be nearly like being at home again. A lot of water and smoking inside!

Thank you so much in advanse!

John Tender

I actually had to send this mail twice. Clearly Stena Line do not care much about dyslectical people and their well being in our society. But in the end I recieved this reply:

Dear John,

Thank you for your mail. I am sorry to inform you that I can´t help you with your question/wish.

We have registrated your SMS of course, but unfortunately you were not one of the lucky winners this time.

The winners was automatically picked by a machine, and the activity is now closed.

I can assure you that the fact that you are dyslectical has nothing to do with this.

Better luck next time!

With regards,

Stena Line Norge AS

This is clearly only a bad excuse. "The winners was automatically picked by a machine." Yeah sure. I bet they used a vacuum toilet to flush down my request. What do you believe the security guys are doing while not bothering Alphamales? Picking out winners for free cruises of course. Clearly Stena belive dyslectical people cannot behave on board of a boat.

But I fooled them in the end and now I got 4 free tickets. Together with my co-students we actually got 16. Anyone in for a cruise?

A small laugh

2006-04-11T18:01:00.001+02:00

I am actually studying now and I have made a rule for myself only to blog while working. You see there is not much happening on my job, so you could say I get paid for blogging. Anyone else out there who can claim that?

But since I have several people who go by this site every day, and since I will not work much this week here are a few pics people have sent me so you can get yourself a laugh (click on the images for larger versions, thanks to miss M miss C and Mr S for these):

Raise your hand if you can't take a joke!

New Nokia 6.750. - Built for South African conditions.

You might also check out the new totally cool Bush Rap.

Enjoy your easter!

Research for the common good

2006-04-10T03:33:00.000+02:00

As I have told you, me and some of my co-students went of to Denmark on a cruise together with some other fellas, 7 smart guys in all. The goal of this trip was to study the interaction between Norwegians when crammed together on a boat while listening to horrible music. This is what we experienced:

We met up for some strategic thinking on the exelent pub "The Old Bank" also known as "Last stop before Denmark". At this place we enjoyed a cup of tea and some biscuites while we planned our trip. We where mostly concerned on which kind of method we should choose. In the end we voted for interaction, and by that the tea was changed out. As you can see by Mr. Ø and his face of stone this was serious business:

Mr. M was more relaxed, but on the other hand he was not selfproclaimed researchleader:

As we arrived for the boat we where clearly not their normal kind of visitors. The first thing that happened was that a security person took us out of the line and told us, in a striclt tone that: "There is no fun in the cabin after 11 pm." Clearly he thought we would stay in the cabin all night. But that would be hilarious as we would loose the whole opportunity to do our research. We discussed the meaning of this hilarious saying among us for a while, and we understood that this person thought we would have problem to get together with the other passangers. Clearly he had a fantasy of us making fun of them in the cabin. This was a hilarious fantasy, we would never do that. Mr. T told him so and added that there would be no problem since "we are a group og highly educated gentlemens."

Because of this we won the right to be checked for bombs by the security guys colleauges. The fact that we are Alphamales while they are Delta did not seem to amuse them. All this was highly stigmatising, and not because we are all white men from the upper class of society.

As a revenge Mr. T had lots of fun in the cabin as soon as the clock was 11:01 pm:

Actually at 11:02 pm we all had quite fun:

But of course this would not make a huge benefit to the academical world if we were going to enjoy ourself at the cabin so Mr. T took command and told us it was time to rock the boat:

Now on this boat you are not allowed to throw money down the toilet, this fact I understood too late. But you might waste them on so many other interesting things.

If you want to, you might throw your cash away on things they claim to be food, but one of the most popular past times are machines which blinks and makes funny noises. Mr. T and Mr. Ø actually managed to cash out 85 NOK from one of this hypnoticing machines and got the attention from the whole boat with their cheering.

They soon lost it all again, both the money and the attention.

Another fantastic thing on this boat is the possibility to smoke inside. The fascistic healthlaws has still not managed to overtake this heaven for smokers:

But still we understood that we would soon have to really interact with our objects of study. We saw this as necessary for our research, but the difference between us and the objects was clearly humongus:

First I tried to get into a conversation with a female which I thought maybe was a Beta. Clearly the interaction method had taken its effect since it showed up that she wasn't even close to being a beta female. She claimed she was a "glamour model". I had quite a problem to understand the concept of this, and she did not understand me either. Because of this she left after 20 seconds. I actually had to force her to stay long enough for Mr. M to make a proof on how hard we were studiyng:

Mr. E on the other hand got some good research going. He met Einar from Hamar and his beautiful Ida who had been together for two weeks and had gone on the Loveboat to celebrate:

Mr. E got such a good connection with them that they exchanges cellphone numbers. Later in the evening this message was recieved:

"Hi this is Einar from Hamar. Would you like to come to my cabin for a beer? Cheers from Einar from Hamar. Einar from Hamar cabin 6123"

Clearly a well done interaction. But before that it was time for the chickendance:

After this the whole night became rather blurry for my part but I do remember these memorable quotes:

- This roulettetable is nothing compared with the ones they got in L.A.

- Normal girls are just like hookers only that you don't have to pay.

- Look, if we just turn the sign around smoking will be allowed.

- Just hold it a second, I will go, but I want to see that he is alive.

- You want to see a picture of my daughter?

- There is nothing more horny than a guy with a hangover

The research must have been quite sucsessful since Mr. M actually had been threathened with a night in the drunken arrest for hanging around in the hallway. The other Mr. M had ran away the minute before as he saw a security guy advancing and he had a sigarette in his hand. Before the security guy left he had said: "Someone has been smoking. I will get him." Clearly a one of a kind Metamale and not a bright guy like us.

Next day we woke up to this message on the speakers:

"The boat is now leaving from Denmark, please listen carefully to to safety instructions!"

Mr. T got pissed of by this. We didn't even have fun, but still they had to bug us.

Meanwhile I found the following sms conversation on my mobile:

- Hi Ida you are incredible beautiful. Do you want to meet me?

- Hi, who are you?

- I am John Tender, the prince of your dreams, the person thou shalt marry. Do you love me?

- Yes of course I love you!

- You and me baby, you and me!

Clearly some mom from hell hadn't just showed me her daughters picture, but also her phone number. Not the smartest thing to do when you talk to an academic on a mission.

At breakfast time none of us where having much fun.

But still we had 5 hours until we where safely home. So the interaction had to continue.

We left the boat with a feeling that our mission was not a complete sucsess. We believed the academical research had been acomplished as well as it could. But still we had to leave a note for the commander of the boat on things that could have been better:

- Bad: There should have been ties for sale at the tax free.
- The prize level was too high compared to the quality (Forza).

- The pillow fell down from the upper bed.

- There where too few places where one could smoke.

- 41 NOK for a beer is robbery!

- To much info/talking in the morning. Wanted to sleep!

- The disco was closed. Why?

- Very stigmatizing to be talked to by the security boss before even entering the ship. We are a gathering of highly educated gentlemens who where on a coseytrip. Not nice!

But on the same time we could never have the possibility to fully interact with our co-travellers. And we are actually quite happy for that.

All in all a well done research, but if anyone got a conclusion please contribute.

Funny Sunday

2006-04-09T23:12:00.000+02:00

Yeah! The weekend is over and a new week has started. Because my Friday was so much fun I had to wait until today to give some weekly fun for you all. But relax it, I always keep my promises, so here we go:

First of is Mr. Berlusconi, the, at least for now, Prime Minister of Italy. He has been on a though campaign to keep this post and has called his opponent, Mr Prodi, a dick and a useful idiot. Mr. Prodi on his hand claimed Mr. Berlusconi to remind him of a drunkard clinging to a lamp-post. The Neo-Fascist leader Alessandra Mussolini helped out in the debate with her statement that it's: "Better to be a Fascist than a poofter." The Italians clearly know how to run an election. But what about the combination?

Anyway Mr. Berlusconi has made it clear that sex is an important issue in this election. It was so important that he made a vow not to have sex until election day. That was probably good luck for his wife. But the poor Italian sexphone operaters on the other hand recieved an alarming amount of calls from Mr. Berlusconi. He claimed that these call were made only to check out how the elections were going. Acoording to him 7 out of nine sexphone operators will vote for him. I imagine how these calls have been:

- Thank you for calling Lovephone this is Melissa!

- Ohhh ahhh mmm (heavy breathing)

- How are you sir?

- Ah ohh ah This is ahhh Mr. aahhhh Berlusconi. I ahh ohh mmm own you ahh firm.

- Hi Mr. Berlusconi. Are you horny today.

- mmmm call me brenda! Who will ahh you mm vote for during election?

- I'm not sure. Are you naked?

- mmm exept ohhh ahh for this bra and the yezzzz g-string I'm all yours mmm. Do you want mmmhhhaa to keep your OH GOD job?

- My job is to give you pleasure sir and I sure like it.

- CALL ME BRENDA! AAAAAAAAhhhhhh then vote for me hmmmpf.

- Yes Brenda I will, are you touching yourself?

- Good. Now aahh what are you wearing? Can I call you Benito?

I mean which sex-phone operator can resist that kind of an argument? Especially from this handsome fella:

Another poor woman who had to pay for Mr. Berlusconis vow was this one (thanks to dad and my brother for making me aware of this video). But who can complain when the Prime Minister can change the laws according to his own will?

Probably the vote will not matter much in the end as the current Prime Minister will make a law which makes his party the only legal one. One have to love democracy.

But on the other side, Italy has never quite been as the rest of Europe.

But Italy still has one place where democracy is maintained and guarded. The Vatican. I bet you Berlusconi could learn some political strategy from the pope. Mr. Joseph Ratzinger was guarding his country during the WWII as a member of the Hitler Youth. But according to his biographer he was "... only briefly a member of the Hitler Youth and not an enthusiastic one." Well on the other hand I guess none of them where. I mean didn't Hitler personally threaten them all into this service?

Please Herr Hitler don't make me do this!

Well I guess I have insulted both the catholics, the Italians and the fascist enough for a lifetime now. But I do wish you all a pleasent week, and a happy easter.

Last funny friday

Can a mediastudent communicate?

2006-04-06T13:05:00.000+02:00

I am, at the current time, studiyng media and communication. Maybe someone will argue this fact since I have a tendency to drink coffe, eat lunch and discover the health benefits of smoking cigarettes (Mr. Ø finally found it!), rather than sitting with my nose in a book. But my mother once told me that these small things and also drinking huge amount of alcohol what was gave her most during her studies. Someone also told me that my master thesis will, once one has started, write itself. I am still waiting for it to be finished.

Anyhow, I wanted to check out if an average mediastudent really learns to communicate during their studies. Because of this I sent a mail to one of my fellow students who is sitting in the party comittee which is called Rosebud. There will be a party for media and communication tomorrow, 7th of April, and as you can see from the poster you may send a mail if you have any questions. And so I did. This was my request:

Dear Hxxxx!

My name is John Tender and I have a question for you.

I am an exchange student at the Institute of Media and Communication at the University of Oslo. Here I am taking the courses International Journalism and Media Economics. I also take the course Culture and Gender which is really interesting. We are learning how the female vagina has been objectified in the culture throughout history. Actually the painter Vince Flawn (have you heard of him?) once portraited a vagina as the Eye of God to prove how the transational female digestion have a narrative symbol in popular human dynamics and recourses. Do you think this is correct? I believe Mr. Flawn to have a benificial methodological problem, but that is my opinion.

Anyhow I saw that the organisation Rosebud will have a party soon and I have a couple of questions.

First of all what kind of an organisation is Rosebud? Is it a political party, and do I have to be a member to come? If so I would like to know your view upon female integration in the University. Do your organisation believe that females should have easier access to studies than men?

Also I see that your poster portray rabits, do one have to dress up as a rabit to be a member of your organisation, and is this ment to be a symbol of the imature tendencies one see in our society today? I also see that your rabits have some mighty phalloses between their legs. Do one have to have such a huge one to come to the party? You see I only have 16,7 centimetres, but I guess these rabits have have phalloses which is at least 30 centimetres. That is kind of huge I would say, but maybe normal for Norwegians. Can I come anyhow?

I have also seen a previous poster you have made and a friend told me that it said the party would consist of "grabbing of tits on women who enjoys it". Do I have to do this? I must admit that I don't enjoy that kind of a sexual game in public, and if your organisations party is going to be an orgy I would like to know. I also see on your poster that one of the rabits say "Amusing ourselves to death!", I expect this to be some kind or organisational motto, but if this is some kind of suicide cult, please tell me as I'm not into that kind of stuff either.

I would also like to bring a friend if I may. His name is Jan Simon and he is actually Norwegian. He comes from the town of Stavanger which he claims is really beautiful. He actually has his own political party! Isn't that cool? You can join it if you want to, they really have some good parties. Anyhow Mr. Simon is a bit older than the average student, but he do enjoy having a good time with people younger than him. Especially he likes to talk with younger men and he always gets good connection with them. If I come, can I bring him?

I also heard that there will be an easterquiz at this party. Will you have questions in English or do I have to bring my own questions if I want to join?

I think that was all and I am looking forward to your reply and hope it will be a great party.

Sincerely yours,

John Tender

Ps: Do you know that Rosebud was the name of the main character in "Bring it On"?

After waiting one week and still got no answer from the mediastudent, I sent my request one more time. This time I got a reply, but it actually made me wonder what we learn in our studies on communication. This is what I recieved:

Hello you!

No
yes
About Rosebud party:
yes
yes
yes
yes
if you dare
yes
yes
no
no, but depending on his size, he might
bring your own
no

Hxxxxx

PS: About the orgy thing- you never know what's going to happen! Bring an umbrella!

Clearly my co-student had replied, sort of. She has never heard of Vince Flawn (really big in Portugal I can tell you), but even though she doesn't know him she does support his view on the female vagina in art. Its also clear that Rosebud is both a party and an organisation which have a huge focus on size and the accaess for women to study. But its not a suicide cult. Mr. Simon on the other hand is not allowed to come if he is not up to the size. I was also asked to bring an umbrella if there were going to be an orgy. It will be quite a fascinating party.

But still I found these answers to be rather hard to decode so I felt that I had to help my co student in the practice of communication. Clearly there is a problem that we are only studying theory here at the University. To help her a bit on the way I sent of a new mail:

Hi again Hxxxx.

Is this some kind of a code which you use in your organisation? Could you please give me the key to understand this code? Please explain, we have never learnt this in neither culture and gender or international journalism class. Is this some kind of a Norwegian code, or only used in Rosebud?

My friend Boris Popov also want to come and he claims he have 4 girls who are all into this orgy business. Can I bring both him and Jan Simon?

Sincerely,

John Tender

The reply was quite short, but this time understandable:

get a life looser, and yes you can bring them.

I have to admit that 2 seconds after this my co-student was by my side and told me what a stupid jerk I am. Yes I got busted, Mr. John Tender is clearly famous at this institute. But still I see a lack of communication abilities amongst my co students since suddenly Mr. Simon is quite welcome, no matter what his size is. This will be discussed furter at the party tomorrow night.

But first I will have a small study trip to Denmark this evening. Here me and some fellow students will do a deep sociological study of group behaviour amongst Norwegians. Do they act natural, or do they arrange themeselves in a theatrical performance when going to Denmark? This will be a hard study where i might have to interact with my objects of study. Because of this this weeks Funny Friday might have to be a Funny Saturday. But I will give you a report on the conclusion of my study.

Cow tipping a farmermyth?

2006-04-06T12:00:00.000+02:00

The other day I told you how much fun it would be to collect all the clones of Erna Solberg and enjoy some traditional Erna-tipping. Now Mr. Triggerhappy commented and claimed that cow-tipping, the game which Erna-tipping is based upon, is just what he calls a "farmermyth". This is what he wrote:

At 4/03/2006 05:14:21 PM,
I`ve actually heard that cow-tipping is a farmermyth (the opposite of an urbanmyth...). Do you know if this is true Omir? Because the guy who told me this (a well-educated man who has worked on a farm, he studied biology), said that cows don`t sleep standing up! And they also wake up very easily when they are asleep, and therefore it would be difficult to tip them over (especially since they are lying on the ground when they sleep). I wonder what the truth is... what would happen to the world if this is a farmermyth? Would it be the first farmermyth ever?

Posted by Mr. Triggerhappy

This lead up to a great debate where Mr. Rupi claimed that Mr. Triggerhappy was a cow sodomiser. Of course I am a man who understands my mission in life, to inform the society, to get an answer to the important questions in life and to create peace. So I sent a mail to the experts on the area of cow tipping, the Norwegian University of Life Sciences, formerly known as the farmer school.

The interesting thing about their namechange is that they haven't changed their school, you will still learn how to be a farmer here. The only new thing is their name. Imagine the foreign students aplying and getting accepted. Then their run home to tell their family: "Mom! Mom! I have been accepted to study at the Norwegian University of Life Sciences!" "Great my son! For sure this will give you an education so you can get that job in the UN you have always wanted!" And then when they arrive at the school the first thing that will meet them is a guy in an overall saying "In todays lesson you will learn to drive a tractor." The foreign students will for sure be happy.

Anyway this is what I wrote to them:

Dear Sir/Madam

My name is John tender and I have a question for you.

I have lived in Norway for about two months now and I am studying as an exchange student at the University of Oslo. Now I have encountered a problem which is so allconsuming that I cannot concentrate on my studies.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a party with some friends. I meet a really cute girl at this party and she told me of this fascinating sport which they excersise in her hometown.

She told me that once in a while they go out during the night to a field close to her. On this field there are about 10 medium sized cows, and while the cows are sleeping this girl and her friends use to give them a gentle push so they fall over. She said this is quite possible since the cows are sleeping while they are standing up. She also claimed this to be great fun.

The girl promised me that she would take me out "cow-tipping" one day, and because of this I made out with her. She was cute, but you see I allready have a girlfriend which I love very much. But the excitement of getting a chance to go "cow-tipping" made my hormones go overflowing, and my girlfriend will of course understand this.

Now, I told this story to a friend of mine and he claims this "cow-tipping" sport to be, what he, in his exact words, calls a "farmermyth". He says that cows are not sleeping while they stand up and also that it is nearly impossible to turn a cow over.

My question now, which I hope you, with your expertice on the are can answer, is if this is true? Is "cow-tippin" only a "farmermyth"?

It would be relly bad if it showed up that I betrayed my girlfriend only because of such a myth. That would be devastating actually. So please tell me that "cow-tipping" is for real and that it is so much fun as this girl proclaimed.

If not would you please also warn me about other such "farmermyths" in case this girl is just making a fool of me. I would apreciate a quick answer since I have a date with her tomorrow.

Sincerely yours,

John Tender

The reply was actually more han I was hoping for, and it proves out that both Mr. Triggerhappy (who claims he has not said anything about sodomising cows) and Wikipedia are wrong. Also it seems that the Norwegian University of Life Sciences do know something about life after all and not just farming:

Hello,

I don't think it is the cowtipping that is diverting you from your studies. And we are not engaged in matters of lust here at the
University, but that seems to be the thing that is troubling you the most.

It is possible to tipp a cow over in its sleep, but I would strongly discourage you from engaging in such activities. The cow might be seriously injured, and it is a very cruel thing to do to an animal. Whether his is a very widespread acitivity is very doubtfull, but of course there can be the odd case.

Good luck with your studies in Norway.

Regards,
Gxx Exxxx

P.S. In the case of your girlfriend back home, I don't think she will be that forgiving. I know I wouldn't.

There you go Mr. Triggerhappy. Cow tipping is not just a farmermyth after all. If you want to try it out for yourself click here, here, here, here or here.

But one thing in this last mail trigged me a bit, and that was not just that they have a sense of humor at the University of Tractordriving. The person claims that the Norwegian University of Life Sciences don't normally don't engage in matters of lust. But I was wondering if this was all true and if they also maybe are even concerned of not only lust but also ethics if one just mix in a cow or two. I sent them one more mail just to check. But clearly it was way beyond their league cause I never got a reply to this one.

Hi Gxx!

Thanks for your answer!

But now I am twice as confused, and still have problems to concentrate on my studies.

Do you not believe that cow-tipping would be an activity which may forgive any intimate activity with other girls than your girlfriend? I guess not, but then I would like your advice on a certain matter:

Do you think such an activity (both the the cow tipping and the intimacy part) are dangerous to me as a person? And in so case which one is most dangerous to me, the possibility that the cow might fall upon me or the reaction from my girlfriend?

You also say that the cow might be injured. Do you have any estimate on how many cows that are injured by this sport a year in Norway? Would it help if I put a matress under it? What is actually the best tactic in cow-tipping which will do less harm to both me and the cow?

Also I have an ethical dilemma. My friend wanted to make a bet if it is possible to do cow-tipping. Now I told him that I had to think about his offer. Now I got your reply and know that I am the winner. Will it then be ethical of me to make this bet with him? He said he would give me his grandfathers old watch if I was correct. I would have to give him a trip to Italy. This watch is really nice, but I presume it would be wrong of me to do this to him. What do you think?

Thank you so much!

Sincerely yours,

John Tender

Ps. Would it be best not to tell my girlfriend about this cow-tipping tradition you got here in Norway?

Thank you for choosing Smoking Kills (and it looks hilarious @omir.org) as your number 1 public service provider!

Laughing out loud no more

2006-04-05T10:08:00.000+02:00

The Krauter society is keeping up their old traditions and has once again taken control of their citizents behaviour. Mr. Bahrenfeldt, a 54 year old man, has from now on been banned from laughing in the woods.

It was another person, one of these people who believe the forests are made for running and nothing else, who claimed that Mr. Bahrenfeldts laughing was disturbing the peace of the forest. Mr. Bahrenfeldt says: "It's part of living for me, like eating, drinking and breathing. I feel much better when I laugh, it's freeing and healthy," and he often takes a trip out in the forest to laugh out loud.

This is illegal!

I believe that if the Krauters great father, Mr. Hitler, had went out in the forest for a good bellylaugh once in a while the world history could have been diferent.

Please herr Hitler give us a laugh. A little smile maybe? If I want a holliday trip to Treblinka you said?

The German law does not suport this and stated that next time Mr. Bahrenfeldt takes a laugh in the forest he will have to pay £4,000 fine or spend six months jail.

I believe we all should take a trip to Krauterland and laugh a bit. Is this maybe worth a bit of public service?

Stolen from Ananova.com. Did you believe I was making this shit up?

Can media create a war?

2006-04-04T19:59:00.000+02:00

Many people has proclaimed me to be a paranoid lunatic with too many weird thoughts in my head. I will not deny this to be a fact, but for a long time mainstream media has tried to exclude me from the public sphere. With this blog they cannot stop me. I will now hereby give you the story on how media, unknowingly, created a war.

Most people read and thought about the Kosovo war, but not many understood it. One day the Serbs were attacking the Albanians, the next day the Kosovoalbanians were launching a strike against the Serbs. Then the Albanianserbs did a massacre upon the Albaniankosovians etc. etc.

Some people say that war is hell. I have seen war on TV and it looks quite cool to me, but I admit that this one was not such fun. One never knew which side to cheer upon.

The national society and the UN had the same problem as me. First they stated that the Albanians were killing civilian Serbs, then the Serbs were killing albanians.In the end it was quite clear that everyone was aiming at each other. It was a huge trap and nobody wanted to go inbetween.

But suddenly one day NATO said "The Serbs are the bad guys. We have to bomb them!" But why did this happened? To find an answer we might take a look in the media.

The Americans were the first to state that "Something has to be done with these damn Serbs." The president at this point was Mr. Bill Clinton and most of us remember that he had some problems:

In most other countries the fact that the president is a normal human being with a need for some intimacy once in a while is quite accepted. But the thought that the president was getting blown off and used a cigar (Cuban?) in certain intimate places made the American media go of the hook. Clinton was standing kneedeep in shit and needed something to withdraw the media attention from his sexual life and onto something else before the elections which were coming up in 2000. A war would be perfect.

Now Mr. Clinton had been in Africa earlier. Somalia made a disaster in 1993 and Clinton would not have pictures of American soldiers getting dragged through the streets by African getting published in the media again. So that was not an option. Where could he go then? "There are no black people in Kosovo" his advisor told him. "Perfect!" said Clinton.

But Mr. Clinton could not go to war alone. The European countries and NATO would have to support him. Luckily for him this thing happened on the 15th of March 1999:

Can't understand? Check this then:

"Corruption and malbehaviour shakes the EU!"

As you see the whole European parliament were accused for being corrupt. Their answer to the charges? "We are not guilty! We hereby resign from our posts in protest to these charges!" Can one make it more clear?

This information came out exactly 1 week before an important EU summit in Berlin. As some media stated this was one of the worst disasters to ever hit the EU. The disaster would be even bigger if the media started to put it on their agenda. The political advisors all over EU whispered "Hey, US wants to bomb Kosovo." "What a great idea!" said the European leaders.

Now you might say "Ok, maybe the US and EU needed to bring some media attention away from certain themes, and as such there is no better thing than a small war. But Norway had no asexual behavior (as we know of), and Norway are not a part of the EU. Why should we then want to go to war?" and that, my friend, is a great question.

You see, the Norwegian people had twice voted for or against membership in the European Union. In 1972 they said NO, and in 1994 they confirmed this opinion. The Norwegian people would not be a member, but clearly the government wanted to.

On 26th of April the Norwegian government had scheduled to vote for or against membership in the Schengen treaty. Ask any Norwegian what they know about the Schengen treaty and they will tell you "Its something about passport freedom..." They actually don't know anything about this treaty.

The Schengen treaty is not giving you passport freedom. You still have to bring your passport with you if you go abroad, and unlike before you have to show it if you arrive in Norway if you arrive from a country outside Schengen. Before it was enough to show the front at your passport, now they have to check it, and also your butt. In short its now harder to go abroad or to enter Norway than before.

The most important thing with the Schengen is that we will have to agree upon laws given by the EU, but we cannot vote since we are not members, and we have to employ the same asylum politics as the EU deploys. The Schengen is also a police cooperation system so if you do something stupid in one country they can see it in all others. As the police said to people who got arrested during the EU-summit in Gothenburg in 2000: "Welcome to the Schengen register."

The Norwegian government knew it would be highly unpopular to agree on such a treaty, especially amongst the socialist in the society. And especially since a lot of politicians who were against the EU suddenly thought the Schengen treaty to be a great idea. How much money they got paid is a big question.

They needed to turn both the attention from the media and the socialist to other areas. And what does the socialists hate and the media love more than corruption? War. Suddenly the whole Norwegian government thought war to be a great idea.

"Norwegian lives can be lost! Norwegian pilots ready to attack""

The media gave huge headlines to the war over the next 4 months, and the politicians were all soooo sorry that it had to come to this.

But what did the media say about the Schengen treaty? Dagbladet wrote this on the 26th of April:

In other words did they give room for one critical comment on the same day as the treaty was signed. After that the whole treaty was forgotten.

Aftenposten, the more conservative paper, actually put Schengen on their front page the next day:

You cannot see it? Here you go a closer look:

A small note at the bottom of the paper is better than nothing. Inside of their paper they actually had a nice article on how nobody had protested against the treaty. Though the article on flowers got a bigger amount of space:

On the radio they said "Norway is from today a member of the Schengen cooperation." Nothing more. Believe me, I remember.

This was, in my view, a tactical play from the politicians.

With the Kosovo war they managed to agenda-cut other topics which were hard to understand, and remove them from the peoples attention span. I agree that a war is important, but to start one to remove certain topics from the publics awareness threshold would be close to madness.

On the other hand it was also a brilliant move. Still the Norwegians doesn't fully understand the consequenses of the Schengen treaty, and even less on the corruption within the EU.

Hail to our politicians and their democracy!

That's the short story of how media, by being a strong voice in the public sphere, can create a war.

You think I'm a conspiracy maker? Please feel free to tell me. That's what the comments box is there for.

Which soap should one use?

2006-04-03T17:01:00.000+02:00

The last couple of days there have been a lot of promotion for a new product. This new product is called "ASAN for Men". For all of you who don't know ASAN is a soap which one uses for washing "down there". Now I couldn't resist wondering why they need a soap like this specifically for men. I thought the ASAN soap was ment to be ph neutral and could be used by both men and women.

Since I know that I am not the only one asking this question I thought it was my task to find out. Especially since I got really scared that ASAN never was ment to be used by men. As a concerned customer and to fulfill my duty as a responcible citizent here is some public sevice for you all.

This mail was sent off to ASAN:

Dear sir/madam.

My name is John Tender and I have a question conserning you product "Asan", the soap used for cleaning "down there" (that would be for me the penis for you maybe the vagina).

I have lived in Norway for about half a year now, and from the first week I have used your soap ASAN to clean my penis (did you know that this word means "tail" in latin? Imagine if it was attatched as a tail, that would have been interesting).

Usually I start by cleaning the whole thing and in the end giving it a quick wash under the foreskin (I still have this part attatched, but some says it is not good for the personal hygine, is that true?)

Anyway I saw the other day that you have a new product out which is called "ASAN for Men" and that made me quite scared. Does this mean that the product ASAN which I have used is not for men? The last month I have evolved some kind of bubbles under my foreskin, and I am afraid that this may be because I have used the wrong soap. It's not big things, but they do give me a bit of a scratch. I believe now that it is your duty to inform us, the people, that your ASAN not was ment for men. Actually I find it strange that you have not written this on your bottles of soap. I mean how could I know that I was not supposed to use this on my long john!?

I am not angry at you, but I would like you to tell me now how I can get these things I got "down there" to go away. The girls actually find them rather discusting. I tell them it is nothing to worry about and that it is because your ASAN not was ment for my buddy, but one of them actually left me naked on the bed one day. Can you imagine the humiliation? Could you therefor also send me a written statement that it is because of ASAN I got these things, cause I have a date for tomorrow night and it would be nice to have some proof.

Anyway thanks for your help and thank you for finally making an ASAN for Men which I can use down there, still it would have been nice with some information on the fact that ASAN not was ment for me. But if you give me the written statement and the recepie to make these things go away I will forgive you.

Sincerely yours,

John Tender

ASAN answered, though it seems like she didn't read my whole question. This is the answer I recieved:

Dear John Tender!

A lot of men are using our "normal" Asan soap, but we have developed an intimate soap for men because we know from marketing research that men demand for a different soap for their intimate hygiene. They want a more masculine soap with regard to the bottle as well as the contents.

Hopefully you will be satisfied with Asan for men, but there is nothing wrong in using the "normal" Asan soap for men eiher.

BR
Axxxxx Øxxxx Hxxxxxxxx
Product Manager Asan

Now this mail did not respond to my whole request. Actually it didn't help much, it just raised some more questions. Does the use of normal ASAN make a man more feminin as some people seem to believe?

Of course I had to respond to ASAN once more:

Dear Axxxxx.

So you are claiming that your ASAN soap has nothing to do with my blisters? Then what may be the reason? Now I am getting really nervous, because my date tonight probably would like to see your written statement. But do you think your ASAN for Men will take those blisters away? I was about to believe that your ASAN had some feminine stuff in it and that my private parts was turning into a vagina. That was a really scary thought.

I don't actually quite get this. Because I am a man and I have felt quite masculine my whole life, even that time I had a role in a theatre where I played a woman. But what is the content in your ASAN for Men which makes it more masculin? Because if you put hormones in your soap I would like to know, because I believe that may be dangerous and it would at least do nothing good to my blisters.

Would it be correct to asume that a lot of Norwegian men don't use to wash themselves on their private parts because they think it's "feminine"? Because that would actually be discusting! How can you stand something like that as a woman? No wonder if you go lesbian.

Please explain this to me and give me a confirmation that your ASAN for Men can take my blisters away.

Sincerely yours,

John Tender

Clearly ASAN will not respond to whetever their soap make a man more feminin or if their ASAN for Men will help you against veneral diseases, cause they never replied to this last request. I guess they have a generally lack of humor and takes no responsibility concidering their consumer service.

But I did my best to enlighten you all, and I hope you have learnt something. If you have any request you want an answer to please give me a note and I will do my best to get an answer. And do remember to give yourself a good cleaning. At least before you listen to The Johnny Cane Band!

Warning!

2006-04-03T13:05:00.000+02:00

The other day I told you about this highly unfortunate woman I saw. Nature had been mightly cruel to her and made her look like Erna Solberg, the leader of the conservative party of Norway. I am now afraid that this was actually not a mistake done by Mother Nature. Look upon this message as a warning for you all.

I have now recieved a report that there has been done another Solberg lookalike spotting. This time the unfortunate was a woman with red hair. But I have to ask: Is this really a coincidence?

I am actually afraid that someone has played with nature and started to clone Solberg. I mean two woman looking just like her in only one week? That is not normal. I mean look at her:

Not exactly an average looking woman I would say.

Now I wonder how many clones that are actually out there in the society. I want you all to keep your eyes open and report to me as soon as you see one of her clones. I mean, to have one such person walking around is more than enough. But if we can manage to spot all her clones we can make a plan to capture them.

When that is done we will not only have saved society from a great threath, but we can also play a fantastic game. Everyone who have grown up on the countryside know the highly amusing sport "cow-tipping". I bet you "Erna-tipping" will be twice as fun. But be aware it's a dangerous sport only for the bravest among us.

Do your duty to the society and keep your eyes open, who knows what these lunatics are up to!

Friday Fun

2006-03-31T17:33:00.000+02:00

Hi all!

Its friday again and friday means fun! So to celebrate I have found some goodies for you all.

First off is the online census report which google has published on the net. Here you can find out who your neighbourd actually are. So far this report only search placec in the US, but I made a quick search on my little sisters neighbourhood in South Dakota and this is the result:

Variable	1 Miles	3 Miles	5 Miles
Total Population	1,009	3,380	4,397
Total Households	372	1,260	1,618
Median Income	$46,756	$44,130	$44,687
Average Income	$49,102	$47,168	$47,933
Median Age	37.00	36.20	35.70
Male Population	479	1,632	2,149
Female Population	530	1,748	2,248
White Population	994	3,330	4,333
Black Population	2	4	5
Am. Indian Population	5	17	21
Pac. Islander Population	0	0	0
Asian Population	2	8	10
Other Population	1	5	6
2+ Race Population	5	15	22
Hispanic Population	7	22	24

My sister is clearly living in an all-white community. If she has met 1 black guy living within one mile of her house, she have actually met half of the whole black population in her area. The average income is not the worst. At least they gain more than I do, and they have even let some of the native population live in their area. How kind!

Anyway as we see my sister is surronded by white 37 year old females with a reasonable income (at least if they are students). I'm a bit dissapointed they haven't listed how many who have taken abortion though. And as true americans they should also have listed suspected terrorists and number of pedophilians in her neighbourhood.

If you have nothing to do this weekend I will recomend you to watch a Russian TV show. They are clearly quite entertaining:

If you have absolutely nothing to do at all you should maybe consider to get a life, but while thinking about this you might like to play through History of Games.

It will soon be easter and this is a time to enjoy with ones family and friends. And what is better than to give a unique present to the ones you love the most? The maybe you should buy someone a Turn Your Head Vase, a vase which resemble the exact profile of someones face. Just send your photo in and get a vase back (if you think its ugly you got a problem).

Personally I would rather enjoy a iGoatse skin for my Ipod, with this I believe I would be the main center of attention amongst all my friends!

You didn't get this one? Well if you don't know what a "goatse" is, there is no need for you to know, believe me. Well don't blame me Mr. Ø, I told you not to find out! Enough of this!

This hamster has to much energy, at least until he gets tired:

I have always said that workout is dangerous stuff and this is the solid proof. Actually, if you are in the mood of some workout I will rather recomend you to sit back and study these nice postcards of Super Heroes on the Toilet.

Well I hope you people will enjoy your weekend, and remember that its 1st of April tomorrow so be sure to fool your friends before they fool you. And please be as mean as these guys who makes their friend believe he won the lottery by giving him a fake cupon and a video with last weeks numbers:

Enjoy your weekend everyone, and do go out and get some dancing going. That is not qualified as workout and therefoby absolutely legal, but maybe not if you dance like this guy. I guess his wife really enjoyed that move he pulls of:

Happy weekend everyone!

Last funny friday

Why do they even bother?

2006-03-31T11:56:00.000+02:00

I have just gone up to the faculty of social science to have lunch with my big brother (I hope he will pay for it). Up here it's a lot of people running around trying to get people to vote for their party in the student prlament vote.

If you ask me the whole studentparlament are a bunch of chitchaters. They have done nothing for the last couple of years and the students social benefits have decreased and all they have done has been to talk about their nice hotel stay at the last student parlament summit.

The most intersting thing is their ability not to spot who might vote for their party. I come up here, dressed in classic faculty of humanity outfit. That would be a military jacket and a palestinian scarf. But nontheless people come up to me and says "Vote for us!" then they hand me a leaflet which claims I should vote for the only non-socialist fraction who wants a huger incorporation of capitalist companies into the studies. In other words they would like to see masterthesis done on behalf of and paid by these companies. How nice to do a research on mobile media paid by a cellular service company. That would propably be a huge benefit for the academical world!

By my aperance one should think that they would know better, but still they do the effort to bother me. Give these people a life!

If I will vote? Probably blank until the day I become dictator!

Random music shuffle

2006-03-30T09:28:00.000+02:00

Another blogger, engletøv, said it was a good idea to put your music list of mp3s on random and then write down the 20 first songs which comes up. I don't know about that, but anyhow here is my list:

Igualita Que Tu - Monte Adentro

You are my kind ft Seal - Santana

Perdidos en la noche - Diego Torres

Monosapiens - Dum Dum Boys

LNXT - Elvis Presley

Enter Sandman - Metallica

Blood on the Risers - USMA Glee Club & Band

Not A Second Time - The Beatles

Kelner! - Odd Børretzen

Bruces' Philosophers Song - Monty Python

Escape - Metallica

Bin Ladin Bomb Song - KOMP Rock And Roll Morning Show

Se Solens Skjønne Lyse Prakt - Hungnes/Venaas

Un Poco De Amor - Shakira

O Tannenbaum - Heintje

Memorias Perdías - Ojos De Brujo

21h40 - 340ml

Soy Callejero - Los Mocosos

The Communist Internationale - Russian Red Army Choir

Adelaide - Thomas Dybdahl

Now I would like to know: How crazy does this make me? Can some of you music people out there analyze this list and recomend my medication please? I mean that a mix of Heintje, Red Army Choir, American military, Elvis, Los Mocosos and the gayguy Dybdahl must at least put me up for a good dosis of valium. It makes me scared.

If I actually listen to all of this or just have it stored on my computer? I never collect anything "just for fun".

Health benefits on smoking

2006-03-29T15:49:00.000+02:00

Hi all!

For a while now I have tried to do my best to serve you some public service on a real serious subject. Now a days there is a lot of propaganda going down on the health problems conserning smoking. It's highly popular to proclaim out loud that smoking is dangerous. They have even managed to make it illegal to smoke inside pubs. I call this a totalitarian law. How can one expect someone to enjoy a glass of good alcohol without a cigarette in ones hand.

This law is of course to prevent people from putting seriously harmful things into ones body, but I believe that automobiles, fast food, light food and smokings (the thing one puts on when one wants to look like a dick) is much more harmful. But the thing is that dangerous things like these and others are much harder to propagandize against than cigarettes. For example is it much easier for WHO to focus on cigarettes and tobacco than on AIDS. AIDS would be a worthy thing to fight against, but of course if one tells people to wear a condom when enjoying themselves the medical companies would loose money, and that is not the interest of WHO.

In the world today they want to make "the perfect society" where everyone looks healty and good. But imagine if this kind of thought goes on. Soon fat people are not allowed to walk around in public and kids are not allowed to climb in trees cause imagine how it would look if they break an arm! Clearly the propaganda against tobacco is just a beginning to reform the whole society into perfect machines where everybody obliges to the rules made by the few. They are even now talking about making fat people pay more for their health service.

In the good old days smoking was for the cultural elite. I want to get the society back to these good old days. To make this happen I need to make a pro-smoking propaganda campaign. But I need to know what is the healthy benefits of smoking. Because of this I sent a request to several companies and organisations. Amongst these where The Norwegian Cancer Organisation, The Norwegian Doctors Association, Friends of the Cigarette and Phillip Morris. The only one to reply was Phillip Morris.

This is what I wrote:

Dear Mr. Morris

A friend of mine and myselves wants to start a campaign in Norway to promote the benefits of smøking so we finally can open some exclusive smøkers clubs in this country. These clubs will of course only give admittance to smøkers with at least 4 years of higher education and will be named "The Smøking University".

We are both studiyng here in Norway and at first we though of giving up our studies and return to England, but now they are planning to get this so-called "Smøking Law" to the Great Island also (we call it "the good old Krauter-fashioned law"), so then we will rather stay here as the girls on the Island have a rather bad apperance. At least compared to the tallrised female vikings here in the North.

These "vicingas", as we like to call them, are pretty well trained in the bed and know how to enjoy an aftercopulation cigarette and thats a thing the lesser race on the Island have never learnt to understand. One may maybe say that on the land of hot beer the afterintimation sigarette actually is more satisfying than the actual fysical workout. But I'm sorry, now I am boring you with problems from my Vatherland and that is not the reason for why I am writing you.

Me and my friend are planning to start a smøkers revolution, in secret we call it "The fight for Lord Nicotine". We have allready started a secret society, I tell you this as I know you wont spread the word to the government here in Norway. In this society we read loudly from the "Book of praise" which Lord Nicotine gave us on a stormful evening filled with alcoholic consumption.

In this there is gathered all availiable tobacco brands which exist on the Norwegian market and their gehalt of nicotine and tar. Its throughly satisfying to read it, and if I where in Lord Nelsons land I would rather read that than get close to one of the girls over there, and of course enjoy a good sigarett afterwards.

Anyhow, me and my friend now want to spread the word to gather people in our "Smøkers University". To spread the word we are planning to use "Winnertip" machines and Rizla red to produce small pamphlets to spread the word (do you know if this will be possible?).

Anyway, we have an argument going on what to write on the paper. Actually we want to know which products in a sigarette which is most healthy. We have both tried to chew the filter and that was not nice. My friend claims that because tobacco is a plant it is close to fruit and therefore in itselves healthy. He wants our campaign to be called "5 a day". I presume he may be wrong. I actually believe it is the glue in the paper which may be the best for the body. And since this glue is made of horsebone I want our campaign to be called "A horse a day".

Now our question is if we are both wrong? What is the most healthy product in a good cigarette? We would appreciate your answer. Clearly the tobacco producers in Norway have been scared into hiding cause I can't find any contact details on them, so you are my only sollution! Your answer will be mostly apreciated!

Death to the cigarette-haters and god save Lord Nicotine!

Sincerly yours

Sir John Tender

Did Phillip Morris answer as I was hoping for? Not exactly:

Please contact Philip Morris International for information about products produced for sale outside the United States (including the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico) or about other non-US matters. If you have internet access, simply click on the PMI link http://www.philipmorrisinternational.com/
pmintl/pages/eng/utilities/contact_us.asp for further information.

Consumer Response Center
Philip Morris USA

Actually I did contact their International office also, but they wouldn't answer me, and since this was a general enquiery on tobacco I tried their office in the USofA once more:

Dear Phillip Morris

Thank you for your reply, but it was not exactly what I was hoping for. My question was not concerning European tobacco nor any other non-US tobacco. It was more like a question concerning tobacco universaly, even if we are talking about tobacco on the moon. (You who have been there, is it possible to grow tobacco on the moon?)

So let me refrase my question into a simple one:

What is the most physically healthy benefit from a cigarette?

This is important in our campaign to enlightend the world and make a stop to the allconsuming negative propaganda concerning tobacco which we see in the world nowadays. You have to understand that we are working as a team here and to make it possible for us to promote your product we need some information.

Thank you.

Hail to Lord Nocotine!

Love

John Tender

I actually got a bit frightened by their answer to this one:

ï»¿
Thank you for contacting Philip Morris USA.

We appreciate your interest in obtaining information from Philip Morris USA.Â While we regularly respond to inquiries relating to our policies and positions on a variety of issues, we are unable to accommodate your request for this type of information.Â

Again, thank you for your interest in Philip Morris USA.

Consumer Response Center

Philip Morris USA

From the weird symbols they had in their reply I believe they actually got angry, and since I know the Americans believe in a good traditional pre-emptive strike I think they where on the edge to sue my ass. Because of this I did not reply to this mail. I mean who knows what kind of policies they have on a variety of issues. To lock people up in their basement?

Well clearly Mr. Morries does not want to help me out on my mission. Probably they have been brainwashed, or maybe gained to much money and gone crazy. But the revolution will come, with or withouth help from multinational companies!

Hail Lord Nicotine!!!

Poor woman

2006-03-28T14:08:00.000+02:00

Today I saw a horribly unlucky woman. It was nothing wrong with her and it didn't happen anything to her, but nature had been horribly cruel to her. My first thought when I saw her was "Isn't that?", but no it wasn't. This woman was just extreamly unlucky.

Now you are of course wondering "What was the matter with her? Had she two heads? Or maybe a giant bulfrog attatched to her arm? Maybe she was covered with extreamly much facial hair?" All this is wrong. Her misfortune was that she looked just Like Erna Solberg, the chief of the conservative party in Norway.

Imagine how horrible this must be! You could see that it was not exactly her, but this woman could have been her halftwin. Just think of the misfortune to walk around being confused with a politician who not only is a bit of a racist and hardcore capitalist who would like to put everything from school to hospitals out on the free market, but who also is very dangerous because she actually manage to convince people that she is correct in meaning such.

Now as I said this woman was not quite like her, but she can probably never go out on town, because after a few beers its not easy to say who is who between Erna and her lookalike.

For once I would recomend plastic surgery. Paid by the state.

My history of weird work part 3

2006-03-26T01:04:00.000+01:00

After a rush of people who have been waiting in great anxiety to hear more about my history of weird work, I thought it was on high time to tell you the rest of the story.

Last time I told you about how I was selling knittingwear and Norwegian craft made in China so I could get some money for christmas gifts for my family. It should be no surprise to anyone that this job did not last for long. After christmas was finished I actually never heard from this job again.

After going around broke and unemployed for a while I started to work part time as a informationmanager at a small organisastion which sends out Norwegian youths to live an work in camps for normally 3 weeks during summertime. I though this was a great idea since I'm studying media and communication and had been working voluntarily with exchangees for quite a long time. It was quite usual for me to have 2 Brazilians, one Korean and a couple of Nigerians living in my apartment. What could be better than finally getting paid for this job?

Heal the world, make it a better place...

When I got the job I was told that it was my job to promote the organisation, make seminars on it and contact the press. As this was a pretty small organisation with a tiny budget there was of course not much money. I thought it then would be best to promote the organisation by putting up leaflets in the town and especially at the University. This was obviously wrong. I was supposed to be at the office they told me and recieve incoming calls. After this I stayed at the office and recieved 2 calls a day. One in the start and one in the end of the day.

These phonecalls uaually went like this: "Hi Ole this is Edna. I believe I forgot a cake recipe in the copying machine. Can you check if it is there?" Of course this question had some kind of a variation as the recipe had been forgotten in the fax machine, at the desk, in the toilet or in the fridge. I never found any recipe. And since not many people knew about the organisation there was not many other people calling.

Once in a while we recieved applications to go out with the organisation. I was told not to do anything with these as it was another person who was in charge of that. I could neither do anything with the webpage as the only one who had access to this was located in Rome. I did contact the press though, and I did arrange seminars, but since no one wanted to do the job to promote these with flyers, on stands or with other information and I was not allowed to do this in work hours, they where not highly successful. But the organisation did recieve more applications than normal.

Meanwhile I had this job I also had a project on a show. It was a great fireshow for a cirkus. Not any cirkus, but the GayCirkus which was to be shown at a gayfestival in Oslo.

Proud old men

This was actually not a paid project, but it was quite fun. Its always interesting to see guys who have just gone out of the locker and who wants to shout it out. But not everybody was happy about the fireshow we had. Some thought we where irritating and created chaos. But if you ask me I think we rocked the place.

Not so long after this I had a paid job doing the same stuff. This time it was for the promotion of the new "Harry Potter" book in Oslo. I was hired to do some spectacular firebreathing and blowing for the kids. But I was strictly told not to put the kids on fire. I thought that would have been really spectacular, they thought it would be bad marketing.

With the same promotion company I had my traditional "desperatly need money for christmas" job. I sold my ass out and went to the streets of Oslo to pass out commercial leaflets for a bookstore. I have had many jobs, but this is the single one where I have been deliberatley trying to avoid to meet any people whom I know.

It was actually a stupid job. We where standing outside in 20 below zero handing out propaganda to people passing by, and the least thing they wanted was to meet us. We went out in teams by three, but I always lost track of my team. I believe it was because I had the misfortune of going snowblind. After I lost my teammembers I usually went to a street closer to my home and since I was in the neighbourhood I believe it would have been wrong not to say hi to my roommates.

The company arranged competition on who could pass out most flyers. The prize was a chocolate. I had to buy my own, but at least I had money for it.

After this lousy job I actually got a pretty interesting employment. I got the honour and responsibility to have courses on life, religion, sex, ethics and other interesting stuff for 14-15 years old kids who where having their confirmation. Normally people had 1 or 2 such courses at the same time. I set a new record and managed to be put up as leader for 5 courses. I doubt if the organisation which arranged this courses wanted it to be like that, but when they understood what a mistake they had done it was allready to late.

As you can see these kids looks like angels on the day of their confirmation. I promise you that this is not how they behaved during courses. at least not all of them. The funniest incident happened on one course the day we where talking about sex. I had, as normal, drawn a vagina and a penis on the blackboard, explained the different functions of the bodyholes (no you should not put your penis into someones nose, that is not what its there for) when it was time for them to ask any question they wanted.

One girl had tried to make me blush during the whole class, and finally she got a reaction from me. This is what the 15 year old girl asked:

"Ole, a friend of mine and her boyfriend was home at her place. They where having really hard analsex on the couch in her parents livingroom, but then suddenly her father walks in. Her boyfriend got really surprised and pulled out really quickly, actually he pulled out so quick that her shit sprayed all over his body. Is that normal?"

I was laughing so hard that I could hardly answer. I think I said something about vacuum and fantasy vs. reality. I have heard this kind of stories before, but this was a new version from me.

Another funny incident happened on one of the ceremonies. Some of the older brothers clearly had a sense of practilcal humor as they managed to sneak in on the group pic taken of all the confirmants. Imagine when these arrives in the post and the young proud one is looking at it and sees his own brother standing behind him. I thought this was funny and didn't tell anyone. I guess I am a bad human being, but the organisation gave me a nice reference and actually wrote that they would like to have me on their team in the future. They have to be more mental than me.

I guess this was the short story of my history of weird work. I have also had other jobs, like working at the post office, learning kids how to use media to promote their own agendas, teaching media history, been clown at birthdays for 60 years old people and much more. But I believe I here have served you the weirdest ones. If anyone knows about anything I have lost out please tell me.

After being a confirmation leader I started to work at the busterminal and this is maybe the craziest job I have ever had. I also learn students about media history. But if anything weird happens any of these places you can bet I will tell you. So stay tuned at Smoking Kills (and it looks hilarious @omir.org)!

READ PART 1

READ PART 2

Cheerleading on Funny Friday

2006-03-24T11:54:00.000+01:00

It's friday once again! Time is going so quick and I have to study hard, because of this I will give you a short funny friday this time mostly dedicated to Emily.

This friday we will take a closer look of the weird world of cheerleading.

You see my sister Emily thinks she is hot and cool because she is a cheerleader. I have been to one of her shows. It was for the old boys team in handball in my hometown Ski. I guess the old boys loved it, I found it, let me see, fascinating. She also once had a show for some business people. I guess the 50 year old men also found it "fascinating" to see 16 years old girls in skirts jumping around. I think my mom and dad should take a closer look at their daughters´ hobbies.

I believe Emily is somwhere in this pic

But I admit that some things with cheerleading are fascinating. Especially when they manage to exchange a basketball with a real person. That is a thing which is quite fun to watch.

But one thing which for me seems really stupid is to have dogs as cheerleaders.

I mean that to put an animal in this position is quite on the edge. Its just like using guys to do the same job. You can not be completely straight when you choose to jump around on a field like a maniac...

When they think of cheerleaders the old guys want to see young immature girls so that they can satisfy their pedophilian lusts whitout being put to jail. An image like this will destroy all this. It's a bit cruel to the poor old bastards.

Though I bet you that some of the guys which enjoys cheerleading also like these sorts of things.

Of course the job as a male cheerleader is not for anyone. Only for future presidents:

At least one nows for certain that a new Monica-Clinton crisis is not going to happend soon...

Its quite clear to me that only the best gets to enjoy this "sport". Some people even claim it to be a good action to get some girls. At least one may see the girls from certain views which normaly would end up with a bitchslap:

So Emily I can see that your hobby is a great one with a respective audience who admire you only for your talent. At least it's better than golf.

I have to admit that it's not a sport for me as i don't have the dedication needed. Clearly you still have to continue cheering even when you break your neck:

But please, do not fall in love with one of your male co-cheerleaders. I believe you will be dissapointed.

Happy weekend everyone!

Last funny friday

Walking into war

2006-03-23T11:13:00.000+01:00

This is so cool. They are now recruiting all 17 years old girls to the army in Norway and I think that is fantastic news. Finally the women liberation struggle have succeded in something (You know that Monica Lewinsky is publishing a new book? It's called "How to suckseed in the White House")

You see in Norway all men are obligated to one year of brave duty for their country. During this year they have to sleep outside in 30 degrees below zero, learn how to kill their fellow citizens in the most effective way and generally loose all their self respect. Its fantastic now that girls soon will be obligated to do the same duty. It makes one proud to be a Norwegian. And the girls will of course be treated just like the boys. There will be no sexual harasment in the army!

The main reason why I think this is fantastic is the fact that I have still not been in the army yet. Every second year the army sends me a letter that I will become a proud member of their organisation and have the exclusive task to guard the king. I believe the main reason for them to give me this task is because they have built new guard houses outside the castle. Because of fundings they had to build them a bit small, and I am one of the few who can fit perfectly. I can't wait to get the privilege of standing still in freezing cold getting taunted by drunken kids. But of course one may do a lot of other funny stuff.

Until now I have delayed this duty because of my studies, but next year I am finished studying and ready for some action.

Of course now you think "So Ole is looking forward to join the army to check up some chicks..." But this is not the thing. These chicks will mainly be 19 years old and I guess way under my league. I mean they are of the same age as my little sister... And there you got my point!

Me and Emily will have a splendid time doing military service together. It will be so fun! I mean we can fool around and push one another in front of cannon barrels and make booty traps with shock grenades to have some sister-brother fun. I bet you our lieutenants will love to have us together on the same table.

If we are very lucky we will both be sent off to Iran, or rather I bet you we will be sent off to Iran.

This will be a fantastic experience! As a brother and sister we can explore this fascinating culture and meet interesting people like this handsome man:

I bet you he can tell us a lot about his history and his culure, and as real brother and sister we can share the experience of listening to his stories. Before we blow his fucking head off! I will be fantastic!

I have allready found our war cry which we can yell out when we rumble through Teheran as a sibling tsunami. This will be:

"Napalm also sticks to kids!!!! Gung ho!"

Practise it now so you know how to shout it real good Emily. Cause we don't want to disapoint these lovely guys:

This will make our conection as siblings really thight and best of all: We can sell our story to Hollywood. "Emily and Ole, siblings of war" will be a good worktitle I think. Imagine, not only are we in for a great experience together, but we will also get filthy rich!

War is great! But to get all these advantages as siblings you have to tell the army that you want to serve with me Emily. So be quick and tell them today. This will be fun.

GUNG HO!!!

If this will be dangerous? Just relax it mom, if one is at the right side one becomes invincible. Just see:

Coffee for the people!

2006-03-21T15:48:00.000+01:00

As any other normal student I am addicted to coffee. I mean to expect a person to read about theory on litterature analysis without a stimulating product which keeps one awake is like expecting someone to consume alcohol without enjoying a cigarette. In short it's inhuman.

I myself would prefer speed or some other funny artificially made stimulant, but it is quite illegal to consume such things and the fact that I would probably not be able to remember anything, at least not litterature analysis theory, after consuming such material. Because of this I keep myself to coffeine.

On the University they sell something which they call "coffee". Its a brown floating liquid which taste like it contains a slight bit of E.coli (for you who don't know, this means "shit". It's a quite popular ingredient in food in Norway.) For this stuff they charge you between 5 and 10 NOK per cup and normally it's impossible to consume the whole cup before your stomach goes to dirct action. If your stomach does not make a revolt by this coffee you could probably eat from the streets and still survive. That would be from the streets in Cuba. Its an absolute madness to serve this coffee and expect students to manage their studies.

Because of this I went out the other day and bought a coffee maker for filter coffee. This I brought with me home and placed my old one at my institute. To show me how grateful they was because of this initiative some of my costudents robbed the small plastic thing which stops the coffee from dripping if one wants a cup before it's finished. You are welcome.

Anyway as I now have brought such a miraculous machine I thought it would be wrong to also spend money on the coffee. I know that my costudents are completely broke most of the time so I don't ecpect them to help me out. But what is better than someone else buying coffee for you? To get it for free!

Because of this I sent a enquiery to some of the main importers of coffee in Norway. These where Coop, Friele, Solberg and Hansen and Max Havelar. The only one which so far has responded are Friele, but I expect that the other ones have to discuss my enquiery at the next border meeting and will reply to me soon. This is what i wrote:

Subject: A marketing proposition

Dear Friele!

My name is John Tender and I have a proposition for you.

I am an exchange student at the University of Oslo where I write my master thesis in media and communication. But we have encountered a problem.

For a long time now there has been a depressive mood amongst the students. At first we thought it was our thesis which where horribly boring, but that was not the problem. I promise you, it is not boring to play video games or watch movies and then write about playing video games or watch movies. It's quite a joyful study. But now we have finally found the source of our problem: Lack of good coffein.

You see we have a canteen at our institute, but the coffee here is horrible and they don't even pay you for drinking it. Actually we have to pay for a cup of this black stuff they serve us under the name of "coffee"! That's horrendous! But we have used our collective mental capasity and found a sollution and bought our own coffemaker for filter coffee.

Now the problem is that we spent most of our student loan on this (not all, but one have to live also) and therefore I write to you with my offer. I think this is a great idea and I hope you also would like it.

The point is that without coffee there will be no coffein and i believe that we would need a box a week to make everyone happy. Would you be interested in sending us a box of your best coffee weekly free of charge? Of course you now ask "What's in it for us?" and that is a truly well placed question.

I thought it would be great if we, if we get this coffee, decorate our reading area with posters stating "Our thesis are made on Friele coffee!", of course it would be best if you made these posters to make them look professional. Imagine how this would affect your business! We are all going to be highly successfull (exept Mr. Itter, but he is another story) and we would be good consumers of coffee until our death. Imagine then which coffee we will consume. Of course the one we enjoyed during our happy student days! And new people will come into this reading room every year so this is long time marketing for you. Of course if you keep up your coffee deliveries.

If you are into this, don't hesitate, but send off the first box today (and also the posters). Just send it to:

The Students at Institutt for Media and Communikasjon
Gaustadalléen 21
Forskningsparken II
0317 Oslo

Nice doing business with you!

Sincerely yours

John Tender

This is what Friele answered:

Thank you for your elegantly written inquiry for coffee.

However, we receive a lot of applications of this kind every day. We have
therefore decided to earmark our support to various social purposes in
given periods.. For the time being this concerns primarily Brazil from
where we buy most of our cofffee, but also Kenya and Guatemala.

Viewed against this background we can not meet your application for support
for this purpose.

Med vennlig hilsen/Kind regards

KAFFEHUSET FRIELE AS
Axxxx Kxxxxxx Hxxx

Now I know that Friele is really bastard down in Brazil. Their workers nearly doesn't get paid and Friele are making a hilarious amount of money which at least does not go back to the Brazilian people. Mr. Friele is also the Mayor in the town of Bergen. If you wonder there are mostly loonies living there. But I wanted to check out if Friele really would support the people of Brazil as they claim to do, so I wrote them a new enquiery:

Dear Anne.

Thank you so much for your reply.

I absolutely agree with your decision to rather suport third world countries than students in Norway. But actually we may be just the thing for you to suport. You see we do have an other exchangee, Rodrigo Fernandez, who is from Brazil. He actually comes from Ouro Preto which is a small city located in the central area of Minas Gerais. And, as I guess you are aware of, this is one of the most important coffe production areas of Brazil.

Now Rodrigo is here in Oslo and studying on his bachelor degree, but next year he will start on his master degree and he is seriously considering to continue studying here in Oslo.

Mr. Fernandez has told me that in his beautiful hometown they usualy drink Neste instant coffee! Can you believbe that? I think he is a bit of a latin liar, but he has promised me this is true "On his dads sacred grave" (His dad actually once was at a dinner with Aécio Neves, the governor of Minas Gerias, can you imagine?)

Now I see it as important that Mr. Fernandez recieves a good education, and I believe that if he gets the taste of some real coffee he will choose to stay here in Norway. So by sending us a box of coffee every week you will support a Brazilian in recieving the best education there is. If that is not suportive to the Brazilian community I will rest my case.

Mr. Fernandez will of course also have to learn to dress properly so he can sustain the Norwegian winter, but if you help us with coffee we will manage to do that job. Mr. Fernandez has also met a beautiful Norwegian girl (actually there are three, he claims this to be a cultural thing...) but if he leaves, this partnership of love will probably be broken. So by sending us coffee you will not only help the community of Minas Gerias, but also make some love in the world! What could be better?

We also got some people from Zimbabwe at our institute, but we hope to get some Kenyans over next semester and coffee delivery from you will for sure also be a great hand of helping also for them. Consider this and reply me as soon as possible!

Sincerely yours,

John Tender

ps: Is it true that Mr. Friele uses his mayor necklace every Sunday when he walks out in public in Bergen? If so could you send us a poster with a photograph of this? It would look great on the wall of our reading room.

Now if Friele was really as kind as they claim to be they would prove it by both helping a person from Brazil and make some love in the world. But their reply realy dissapointed me. Friele is clearly not as kind as they claim to be. This is their reply:

Dear John

We repeat our previous answer once again:

"Thank you for your elegantly written inquiry for coffee.

However, we receive a lot of applications of this kind every day. We have
therefore decided to earmark our support to various social purposes in
given periods.. For the time being this concerns primarily Brazil from
where we buy most of our cofffee, but also Kenya and Guatemala.

Viewed against this background we can not meet your application for support
for this purpose."

When it comes to your question regarding Mayor Herman Friele, you will have
to address yourself directly to the Mayor's office in Bergen.

Med vennlig hilsen/Kind regards

KAFFEHUSET FRIELE AS
Axxx Kxxxxxx Hxxx

That is such a dissapointing answer! Of course I read this the first time, it was kind of the reason why I wrote you once again! I bet you Friele didn't have time to write a new answer as they had to run of for lunch brake where they are allowed to whip some directly imported Brazilian workers. Friele has clearly none interest in neither marketing, students nor the third world. I am sorry, but I hope some of the others will reply me positively soon as I am now running low on coffee.

I wonder, should I push it a bit further and reply to Friele once more?

Competition!

2006-03-19T09:55:00.000+01:00

I got my hands on a fanstatic offer and since I am a kind person I hereby give you the chance to take on to this fantastic thing. The only thing you have to do is to answer one simple question. And remember first come first serves!

What I got is a free ticket for two people to a Minicruise with Color Line to Hirtshals, Denmark. You will take the boat across the ocean from Oslo to this beautiful city. If you are still standing up on arrival you can take a stroll in the city before the boat takes you back again. On board you will have access to your very own luxury cabin with two beds and no windows.

The band consisting of Morten and Marit will do their very best to entertain you. And you may also compete in the fantastic quiz cruise where you can compete amongst others to be the next Quiz King. Best thing about the whole cruise: You will be allowed to smoke inside!

Mona og Morten are ready to entertain you!

If you want company from more than one friend you might buy a 3rd and a 4th ticket for only 150NOK per person. But you have to be quick as the ticket is only valid until 31st of March!

What I want to know is: Whats the name of the new chief of the New Norwegian Terrorist Organisation, formerly known as "The Norwegian Tourist Organisation"? To give you a hint: The persons favourite outfit is a simple American flag, and she does not have sex, she only goes on hiking trips with her male friends. Neither has she ever spent taxpayers money on having such sex.

Name this person!

Be the first to tell me, and become the main center of attention when you invite your friends to a cultural trip to the land in the south! But remember, one have to be 23 years old, or in companion with parents or other responsible person to use the ticket. Enjoy!

Interesting facts on my siblings

2006-03-19T08:32:00.000+01:00

Happy sunday morning everyone. I hope you all had a great weekend and that your heads are still functional. At least functional enough to read about my Saturday.

I went to a party at my older brothers apartment again. These parties are always great fun. I think there where people there from at least 10 different nationalities, and with a great mix of interests. Of course these kinds of parties are the best ones. Unluckily I had to go early as I had to work today, but I guess some of my brothers friend will have a hard time today.

I actually had a blind date at this party. I didn't knew about it and neither did the poor girl who was supposed to hook up with a drunken kid 10 years younger than her. But my brother and the woman who lives with him, Miss. M, thought it do be a great idea. Next time I promise to speak clearly and to be interesting, but you could have told me about this before you gave me that milk glass of vodka. It seems like the game "How drunk can we get the young kid?" is a favourite at these parties.

I also managed to slap one of my brothers friend on the ass. To my surprise she did not bitchslap me back. For me thats a proof on how far back the women liberation struggle has gone.

But it was an especially interesting party because some people knew things about my siblings which was completely new to me.

So Emily, I wonder if you remember Mr. J, the boyfriend of Miss. M, who lives with our brother. According to his story I doubt if you remember him, but he for sure remember you. This might recover your memory:

My brother claims it to be a bad idea to tell such stories to me as I tell them on. I don't understand his logic. At least I won't tell anyone if you bring me one of these Ophera mechanical babies with you from the states. If not, I am not sure if I can control my mouth.

Its really weird actually. My siblings have actually stopped telling me personal thing. Can anyone understand why?

Another interesting fact I heard made me really curious. I did not quite get the story as my "Tabloid news radar" clearly went of the hook. The storyteller, a friend of my brother, stopped telling when I started to drool. That was maybe not the best thing to do, but quite understandable as the story did contain my brothers name combined with the word "porn".

I guess it was a hell of a story, but I pushed it to hard. The fact that I was taking notes down was maybe a giveaway. Next time I will bring a hidden recorder. That would be something. Maybe my sibling will buy me one?

Anyhow the party was great fun, and I am looking forward to the next one, that would be if I'm ever invited again.

Prize for best name goes to!

2006-03-18T10:56:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I had an interesting incident at work. Probably every wacko in Norway walks through the busterminal, at least once in their life. I think we got some kind of wackomagnet installed at some secret room here. Yesterday was Friday so of course the wackos was not only crazy, but also drunk. That makes an interesting combination I can tell you.

One of them was really needy and he had to take a dump. What do you think he did? If you presume he walked into the toilet like any other normal person you are completely wrong. That would probably be unormal at this place. No he rather took the dump in his pants. Why? I got no idea, and I don't want to know. Of course he was quickly followed out of the terminal, but since he probably had left his undies at home there was a trail of shit where he had gone. Getting sick? Not more than I was yesterday.

Now of course I had a huge problem, someone had to clean it up. Who do you think got the honor? You don't even have to guess. Of course it was me.

Now, I would not touch that thing. I have worked in a old peoples home and in kindergartens so I have done my load of dirty work, but one have to draw the line somewhere. But I'm smart so I found a solution where I didn't have to get my hands dirty.

I found a firehose, opened the door, turned the water on maximum and sprayed the shit outside. There was only one thing I forgot to think about. People was walking past outside...

I found it quite funny, the lady did not. I might agree it was wrong of me to laugh so hard for overspraying her with shit and water, but she was dressed in a furcoat so I believe she actually deserved it.

Anyway, what I actually was going to tell you was this great thing I heard the other day. A friend of mine works in a kindergarden and one of the parents obviously have a great sence of humor. Probably the dad has told the mom "Oh please, I am so fond of India, we can also use your nameidea, but please let mine also get a go! Please!" The mom obviously did not notice anything wrong.

The kids name? Suna Live. While you think about this I give you a video of a kid at a spelling contest. He is clearly nervous, but seriously dedicated to the competition:

The funniest part of this vid is actually the judges comment when the poor kid faints. They don't say "Are you okay?" No, they are deadly serious and says "Stop the clock." What a great show of symphaty!

Now you might say "Suna Live is a nice name. What is wrong with that?" Well imagine when this kid grows up. Around the age of six all kids have fun with their name. One of the funniest things I remember was when I tried to say my name backwards. Imagine what a shock poor little Suna Live is in for. Her father can probably not wait for the day to arrive.

Enjoy your Saturday and please drink too much!

Singing out loud on Funny Friday!

2006-03-17T15:42:00.000+01:00

Friday is once again here and to celebrate we are going to sing out loud! I bet most of you have heard about the tv show "Idol" where people who can sing might win a record contract. That depends on how many forteen years old kids they manage to bluff into voting for them. The fact that they don't sing any better than what you might hear in an average semi-good karaoke place don't seem to be of interest to anyone.

Me myself think this show is horribly boring. I think all of them sings like ducks, but that might be because I am tonedeaf. In 7th grade my teacher told me, during music class when all my co students was rolling around on the floor, laughing, to maybe not sing so loud. Or better not sing at all. Since that I have been singing on the top of my voice, always.

But I do know better than to go on national television and join a singing competition. Other people, who sings even worse than me, does not see their horrible voices as any barrier to do this. And this is the only part of these kinds of TV shows that I actually enjoy. Big time.

I herby present to you: People who can't sing, but have no friends to enlighten them before they go on the telly. (Some of these are quite long, but by god they are worth it!)

First off is Mr Eye Of The Tiger. He should have stayed at home this day. At least he is now famous on the Net:

He could at least have given some good moves to this performance like this guy. He should probably also have invested in an Idol Microphone and Camcorder set to practise before he went in. I doubt if it would have improved his singing, but at least he could have got an idea of how horrible it was before broadcasting himself on international television.

Practice your performance skills with the Digital Blue™ American Idol Digital Camcorder and Microphone.

This guy on the other hand should maybe have taken less dancing classes, and maybe stop watching "Brokeback Mountain".

I really have a hard problem understanding why some people think they have to do this on telly, but I am enjoying it so please make my day Mr. Stillings! Want an Idol bear by the way?

Miss Sabrina, the teenage witch, claims to have a voice which make guys hitting on her. I would rather hit her if I could choose. Judge for yourselves:

One person which I would not like to meet in a dark alley while he is singing is this guy. He is just soooo hardcore!

You got low self respect? Why not buy a pink Idol cap and wear it in public?

One guy who actually made it huge by singing like a hoarse elephant is Mr. Hung here. Search for his name in google and you will se he has now become a star. But I doubt it if he really know its because his singing is crap.

But to wrap it all up I want to give you my favourite of them all. The one and only Karaoke King with Barbie Girl!

Why did he tell that he worked in a chicken factory? It makes it quite clear where he got his inspiration from.

Want to torture your babies? Why not buy them some Idol accessories?

I hope you all will have a marvellous weekend and sing a lot while you are out there. But there is no need to take it out on national telly... But if you have to I have just one thing to say: Remember the text, especially if the song is quite well known, and break a leg!

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