Friday, December 23, 2005

My history of weird work

The other day I told you about how I once worked in a gay bar. Many of you may think this is a weird workingplace. But I promise you, compared to the other things I have done to get cash, that is nothing. To prove it I will present to you my history of weird jobs.

My first job, where someone else than my parents paid me money, was actually quite big. I was only 12 years old when I was working as a host (together with 7 other kids) for a pretty big youth show on national TV in Norway. I was the youngest one of all. Since I'm not a tall person, but rather the oposite, you somethimes could have a difficulty of spotting me. It was because of people like me TV screens was made bigger. I receieved 1 fanmail and 0 stalkers. Because of this job I got several small jobs in commercials and some short films (where you still had a problem spotting me since a was placed in the background far away from the action).

My career as a television star came to a sudden stop because of a job I did in a commercial for crackers. For this job I got up like 05:30 in the morning, was places at a bus which took us way up into the mountains. Here they kept us all day long in a temperature far below healty. In the middle of the day they dragged us out in front of the camera. I was home at 01:00 in the night. The bigshot for this commercial had a personal driver which took him up. When he came all of us was placed at the bus while he was filmed. In the end you couldn't spot me in the commercial. I got 500 for the job, so I said never again.
After this I started my own business at the age of 16. With my little sister (6 years old then) I took to the streets of Oslo. I was juggling and telling funny jokes (at least I thought they were funny) and my little sister was standing at her head, singing. People actually paid for this (probably because she was cute, again they didn't see me). We split the income 50/50 (hey I'm not cheap like them cracker people). After two summers of this I went solo (my sister wanted to spend the money on icecream. This prooceded into a huge fight, and at the annual evaluation meeting for the company we split up). As a solo street performer I actually made it quite big. Best job I ever had.

Anyhow one day I had finished my show a guy comes up to me and says "You ride a unicycle I see. We need a unicycle guy for a show at the Opera, you want the job?" I was standing there, dumbstruck, all I could say was: "I have to ask mom" (come on I was 17 years then, I still ask mom if I should take a job or not). A week later I was at the Opera practicing for the play. Them poor people must have done something wrong because they actually told me I could sing along while on stage...

Me at opera

I actualy hate opera. I think it's a terrible type of music, but this was quite cool and for once you could actually see me as I was dressed up as a woman. With gigantic boobs made of balloons. I was always late on stage as I was playing with those backstage for most of the time. Maybe it was then I got the fascination for the real deal...

Look at those!

After high school I went to Mexico for a year. Here I had several jobs. In the beginning I worked at a place for homeless kids (or rather a place for kids which parents did not have enough income to suport them). I worked here for 1 1/2 month. Then I got into a huge fight with a guy at the place for hitting the kids. Relax it, I did not hit them, but I nearly hit him. I quit this job then, but soon got a new one as a teacher at a school. Here I had a course in "Norwegian history and culture" with 7 students whom all was older than me. I thought this job would be quite easy, and after mailing with my dad I went into the course with some material. The first class I thaught them a bit about the Vikings and the trolls in Norway (ok I told them that we use them trolls as maidens, that was sort of on impulse when they asked me if they are for real). This was ok until next class when they all had been on Internet. I was standing there trying to answer questions such as "Ole, is it true that in 1584 a danish king visited France and discussed the namechange of a local town in the middle of Norway?" How should I know? In the end they told me I was a good friend, but a terrible teacher.

While I was in Mexico I continued my juggling and got to know some local clowns. I went to several parties with them where I performed as "asitonto" and also went to a convention where I was awarded 2nd prize for best juggling clown in Mexico. I did not get first prize because I used bad language (Hey! They started calling me asshole (OOOOOlero)!) and went a couple of minutes over the time limit. But they were laughing so much that they did not disqualify me(they had never seen a juggling clown using his mouth and not background music).

Look at them laugh

Through my connections I got into a circus. No shit, I was travelling around with a circus in Mexico, having 2-4 shows a day where I was juggling to "Mambo Number 5" dressed in a flashy blue condom suit! It's important to point out here that I have never been a fantastic juggler. I can't juggle with more than 4 balls at a time and even with only 3 I drop them. So I did at the circus, at least 7 times during each show. I thought they then would ask me to leave, but no, they continued to put on my stuff every day. They even gave me a girl to assist me (standing in nearly nothing giving me my stuff while smiling). I found this quite weird until I understood the real deal. They did not want me for my talent, only for my looks. They didn't care if I was juggling or in a cage posing as a barbarian as long I i kept my blond hair and my blue eyes. I was their international attraction. And the public loved it.

While working as a juggler I also helped put the circus tent up and down. That was actually interesting, but very bad idea. Have you ever tried to juggle the morning after hammering gigantic plugs into the ground? I promise you, I could not move my arms. That day we dropped the juggling and only used the cage. I got this job high up on my Curriculum.

My suit when working in the cage

I see now that I have done quite a lot of weird things in my life. My friend Mr.A told me to keep theese post short, sorry. Because of this I will end here for now and tell you the rest some other day. I'm absolutely not finished.

Stay tuned and happy Hanuka!



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