Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Video on my blog!

I just discovered something, I can show video on my blog! Yes maybe I'm a n00b since this is new for me, but boy is it fantastic.To celebrate this heres something for you to smile of:

This kind of things will make a revolution for my blog so hopefully you will soon get newsflash by video from my life! I bet you can't wait! But while you wait I would recomend you to do this and tell me how it went.

Ok, one more to celebrate all the love there is in our world:

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Thursday, January 26, 2006

The time I got arrested

Finally my poll on which story you want to hear is over. It was a close call, but as you can see bellow 10 of you (52%) want to read the story of when I got arrested. 8 wanted to read the truth about little sister (thank you miss D, hope you enjoy Leeds). 1 wanted to hear the story about stupid people, which I would have recommended you to vote on.

The time I got arrested 10 (52%)
My view on sport 0 (0%)
Stupid people 1 (5%)
My vacuum cleaner 0 (0%)
The truth about litte sister 8 (42%)

Totally I got 19 votes. That means that 12 people have voted, since 8 of these vote was from one person... Thank you all.

So here, from me to all of you, the story of when I got arrested (to miss M: could you scan and mail me the pics for this one?)...

In the summer 2003 me and my ex went on an interrail (that would be a railtrip trough Europe for you ignorant people). On our trip we went through Barcelona. On the main street there was a lot of street performers and since I had brought my juggling equipment (no its not fun to drag a unicycle trough Europe) I thought it would be a great idea to put up a show here. With the money I would earn I was planning to buy us dinner. We did have enough money allready, but since I had taken the stuff with me it would be nice also to use it. On my way I had both juggled in Amsterdam and Copenhagen with great success and had lived well on what I earned there.

So we went out in the street and I found a good spot where I could put on my show, and what a great show it was! After 5 minutes I had a huge audience, both sitting and standing, some of them was even lying down because they were laughing so hard. They really enjoyed my show. In the end of my show I normaly use some torches as a finale. I mainly make a lot of jokes with them and then I juggle them for like 3 seconds, so I was planning to do in this show. As I take out the torches and prepare to put flammable fluid on them a guy from the audience who is standing beside me, dressed in pants and a t-shirt, bends forward and mumbles something. I look up at him and says "What". "No torches" he says. The next thing he do is to pull out a wallet and flips it open for like 0.00001 millisecond before he closes it again, just like the police in a bad American action movie.

The next thing which happends is maybe the main reason why it all went wrong. I put down my torches, turn around to face my audience, points at the guy and say, in my best theatrical voice, "AAAAAAND WE GOT A VOLUNTEER!". The guys face turn really angry and he asks to see my ID. As I left all my stuff in the hostel I had nothing (hey, somebody had their hand deep into my bag the day before so I left it all to be sure). He then demand me to come with him. At this moment I had no idea if he is a real cop, or if he had found his badge in a box ofcorn flakes and just wanted to take me away to rob me. And if he was a police I had even less of an urge to follow him as Spanish police are quite famous for their ability to give people the desire for a sudden death. They probably still enjoy the memory of the good old days, when Franco ruled the country.

At this point my audience understands that something is wrong and comes up to talk to the guy. It turns out that he is a real policeman and he is quite serious on the point that he want me to come with him to the station. And then something happens which is quite cool, but in the end, not much help for me. My audience turns mental on the policeman and shouts at him that it's a madness of him to take me in. As they said, or rather cried, I had just made people laugh meanwhile the police does nothing on the robbery or even murder of people which happens all to often in Barcelona. In the caos I tell my ex to run down to the hostel to get my passport.

But the policeman still wants me to come with him and in the end, even though I tell him my ex will bring my passport in a minute, there are 7 uniformed policemen pushing people away while crying "Razzia, razzia!" meanwhile 3 policemen in civil, all huge as gorillas, are taking me down to the station. As we come closer to the station one of them takes a good grip on me and says "Policia, autoridad. Puto!".

At this point I am more scared than ever in my whole life and sure that he will push my face into the policestation, without opening the door. Well inside they put me down in a chair, and one of them says "Un otro para Paco" (Another one for Paco). I'm sitting there, trembling, wondering who Paco is and imagine him as a huge fat guy sitting in the basement, ready to beat the crap out of young jugglers. The fact that two guys at that moment is escorted down the hall wearing nothing but their boxers did not help much.

After the policemen have discussed for a while one comes up to me and ask where my passport is. I tell him that is was in my Hostel and that my girlfriend went to get it. "Where is your girlfriend now?" is his next question, and I explain to him that she is probably looking for me. He then goes back to his pals and after a short conversation he comes back to me and says "Let's go look for your girlfriend."

What a marvelous idea! To go out in Barcelona and look for my girlfriend among 2 million people! But as I didn't want to stay there I went out with him and another gorilla and went up and down the street. As we, of course, could not find her, we went to the hostel. Here the guy performed the same trick with his badge once more, but the lady behind the desk told him firmly to wait as she still had customers. Her husband on the other hand got pale in his face and jumped up to get the key to my room. My ex had been there, but had left in quite a hurry it showed out, and my passport was of course no longer there. Meanwhile the lady explained this, she was looking at me while she twinkled her eye, it did not calm me down though, but a nice gesture.

We then went back to the station and there they made me sign a form where it said, according to them, that I came with them to the station to ID myself. In Spanish I could read that it said "Disturbance of public peace" (they did not know that I speak Spanish), but I was not keen on arguing. And as such they let me go.

Meanwhile all this happened my ex had looked for me all over Barcelona and on every policestation. But as the police she saw had no uniform, nobody could tell her which station I was in. It turned out that she went to the correct one, but the guy in the door was obviously not keen on letting her in, maybe because he though we both would get beaten then. In the end she found two policemen outside of the hostel. They got quite a surprise when a foreign girl came up to them and started to cry hysterically. As they could not understand english they went up with her to the hostel. I was standing inside and my heart jumped up really high when I saw two policemen came in. I was ready to throw myself out of the window at that point.

As such it all went well in the end. I had a bruise on my back from the firm grip the policeman gave me, and we both had pretty messed up nerves. Some smart guy had taken my hat while I argued with the police and collected money for me. I got 7 euro. People are so cheap sometimes, it was a good show and worth a lot more especially since the police dragged me away. We gave flowers to the hostel lady for being cool and I promised my ex not to juggle anymore on the rest of the trip.

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Viagra for your ear?

Hi all!

Since I tried to make basic changes to my blog yesterday I nearly lost all my old posts. I managed to retrieve them all but as you can see all my line brakes have gone lost and since I'm not a superman on HTML I can't manage to get them back again. If anyone have a tip on what to do please tell me.

Meanwhile I think you should check out this page. Its a company which claim to have made ringtones which makes you horny. I imagine people getting into bed and calling each other as a foreplay, how sexy. Personally I especially enjoyed the tone "Victorious Conqueror" which claims to "brings out her inner damsel in distress and set you on a sacred quest to satisfy your mate completely." Science today is so advanced! I can't wait till they get Orgasmotones. Then maybe people can stop touching each other.

How I found this page? Relax it, I found it in one of Norways most serious newspapers.

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Everything was better during the war?

I have been studying again this week, and in my studies I have to work through a lot of old newspapers from the war. In one of these papers I found an piece which is a diamond of an article. Since I am a nice person I will share it with all of you: Aften2 The headline says "Forbidden for fat and ugly people to wear shorts". I'm not going to translate the whole article because its so long. But the important thing is that the police chief in a small village in Denmark, Hillerød (which is about the size of Oslo) have made a law which forbids fat and ugly people to wear shorts.In his opinion "...its offending to the public when halfold people, both male and females, who has lost their classic curves, starts to walk around in the streets dressed in as little as possible and with clothes which are as ugly as possible. When one gets older one have to think of ones fellow citizens and put on more clothes."

The funny thing is that the poor policemen who worked in Hillerød at that time got equiped with a camera. When they saw someone who they though of as fat and ugly, dressed in shorts, they where supposed to take a picture of them. Then a court should later decide if they really where fat or ugly. I would love to get my hands on one of those court reports.

The chief of police in Drøbak, Norway, says that they will not use such laws in Drøbak. But only because its not a problem here since the police chief thinks "People whom are ugly can not have any pleasure of displaying themselves". The writer of the article obviously thinks the chief of police is far off, that would be the chief of police in Drøbak. The guy in Hillerød gets his full suport.

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Monday, January 23, 2006

Shitty job

I'm not paid well enough for my job. I had just a horrible experience. Some lame asshole thought it was a good idea to pee with his clothes on and leave them all in the toilet. And who had to clean up? Yes correctly, me. I think I have to puke now and take a shower. I thought these things was over after I stopped working at the old people's home. Maybe the guy was a part of this group.

The worst thing is that nobody said anything, but still used the toilet with this dirty clothes laying around. People are mentaly retarded sometimes, or they really have to use the toilet. My guess is option number one. How the guy managed to get out of the terminal without clothes is still a mystery. Especially since the place is crowded with armed police since the president of Pakistan is visiting Norway. It feels so safe having 100 policepeople around you armed with MP5s with scopes. I'm scared of leaving the building now.

Actually it's horribly stupid. They spend more money on security during this visit than the budget of a normal norwegian town. They also tell people to keep away from the center of Oslo. Yes they are mental! Probably it was the person in charge of the security who peed himself in exitement and left his clothes at the terminal. Probably the next VIP who visits Norway will be offended if he/she does not get the same security protection. Fuck, if they have to mess up like this they could rather have the meeting far away in the mountain, deep inside. It would be best if they invited all the VIPs of the world to this place and closed the door. Just so you know, there hasn't been any voilent attacks in Norway since 1945. And back then it was the norwegians themselves who ran around and blew up stuff. It's all a fucking theatre and we are paying for it.

Meanwhile I take a shower to clean myself from the horrid experience you should check out this group and their song. If somebody buy it, I for shure want a copy. But no way if they will get any money from me. I have allready spent to much on the theatre going on outside.

Talking of music I got a new friend today! So feel free to check out MP3experience, but remember to come back to my site. The hot spot of the net.

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Sunday, January 22, 2006

The Cuban Experience

Hi all. Here you go, finally, as promised, the short story of my trip to the country of soscialism, Cuba. (By the way, so far 1 person, yes only one has sent me her phone number. As I wrote earlier I have lost all of your numbers so I need them again if you want me to call you).....

Me, my brother and my father left for Cuba early in the morning. The flight over the atlantic went well exept for one slight problem. When I fly up high I tend to accumulate gas in my stomach. So after 5 hours flying they had to realease the oxygen masks while they changed the air inside of the plane. But we arrived safely and the captain promised me that I didn't have to pay extra for this.

In Havanna we went with the cheapest taxi we could find directly to the best hotel. When we checked in the girls at the desk looked at my brother and me and asked "Are you going to stay in the same room?" "yes" we said and the girls coul barely hold themselves from laughing. I found this a bit strange, but when I entered the room I understood the reason for them laughing. This is what greeted us:
Together with this creation was a note with two harts and a poem which said: "A drop can drilled through a stone not because of its strenght, but because of it's constancy"(I'm not shure if i truly know what they meant with this poem). It showed out that dad had ordered the honeymoonsuite for me and my brother. No wonder that the desk ladies was smiling. They probably thought me and my brother was just married. I bet that was the reason why the whole hotel was smiling everythime anyone saw us.

But anyhow. We spent two days in Havanna at it is probably one of the most beautiful cities I have ever been to was it not for the fact that its horribly ugly. All the houses are from the start of the 20th century, but noone has cared to paint them or keep things in order. Because of this nearly all the houses are about to colaps, and some of them have allready colapsed.
They also have a grave problem with their sewage system. Everywhere in the streets you could see water, and it was not because of cleaning and it was not raining. Trust me you don't want to know why I know but I know it was sewage water. Even the rats cant stand it.
In daylight you could jump over this, but as they had none streetlight exept for in the main streets it was not funny to walk during the night. You could use your nose as a guide, but I promise you the smell of Havana is not the smell of cigars. In theese streets they also sell their meat. Not the best idea to eat. Ask my dad.
After two days we went by car to Trinidad. Or we rather tried to. First we had to get out of Havana and onto the highway. And we soon learned that there are none streetsigns in Cuba. First we went quite well. We thought we had found the highway as we were driving on quite a big road, but we understood that something was wrong when the road suddenly turned into a tiny dirtroad. We turned around and got some instruction from a cuban guy. This time the road didn't stop to exist. The only problem was that it existed underneath the water and there was no tunnel. After driving on such strange roads for about an hour some cuban guys told us they could be nice and accompany us and show us the way. After they had taken us onto several small roads we finally found the highway and we where in the correct direction. We gave the guys to much money for their help. And after they had gone so was my mobile phone. In addition we later saw that we actually was on the correct road when we picked up the guys. They had just taken us in a huge circle. We, three well experienced travellers got fooled like fucking amatures. I will never talk about this incident again. But we met some danish guys who recieved the same "help" and they lost the bags with all their money, phones and ticket home, so we were actually lucky. I bet cubans pick down the streetsigns so they can fool stupid tourists....

Anyhow I blocked the mobile phone and we went on driving to Trinidad. A trip which should have taken 3 hours lasted 7 as we lost the correct road off the highway and it showed out that the road marked on the map only was a dirtroad which went over some huge mountains. But Trinidad showed out to be a small and very nice city.
We spent two days in Trinidad and we lived in a private home belonging to an old couple and their daughter. They thought it was horrible that we should eat outside when we could eat in their home.
In Cuba people sell everything, they offer you their help as a guide, their sister, sigars and even their poor grandmother. But ofcourse everyone have to get money to eat. I really wanted to buy some cuban sigars to bring home, but as I didn't want to be hustled on the street I asked the guy we lived with if he had any tip on where I could buy good sigars. He went a bit silent, looked at me and said "Come". He took me into his living room and brought out two boxes of sigars. At that moment I thought it would be a good idea to ask him where one might find good women as his daughter was quite cute.

Anyhow there was a party going on in Trinidad which started the day we arrived. The whole town was out selling food and drinking in the streets. We where told that there would be a great show going down on the main Plaza. We went to see the show, but after listening to old ex-famous cuban singers crying out their songs for an hour we were quite fed up. When 5 guys came out on stage in white dresses which they pulled up to show their underpants while dancing we went home. These guys where actually much better:

After seeing Trinidad we went on to this small place in the middle of the bush where my brother could dive and me and dad could go snorkeling. The water was blue, nice and clear, but we felt a bit fooled on the first trip when they took the boat only 10 meters out. Me and dad could rather have gone out for snorkeling from land instead of paying 5 dollars to be in the boat.
Thingy in the sea which I'm happy I didn't step on:

After the diving we went to Cienfuegos. This was a bigger city than Trinidad, but also nice.
Here we got our first direct offer from a girl who wanted to spend the night with us (one for all three, she must have thought we were really cheap), but we also experienced one of the highlights from the trip. We went out to eat on a restaurant which according to our guide should be quite good. Like in all the other restaurants we had visited the food was horrible (cubans does not know how to cook). After dinner we went out to have a drink on the bar of the same place. As we are sitting down drinking a rom with coke, my brother turns suspiciously silent. Beside us, in a dark spot of the place, a couple is having sex. My father and I found this rather fascinating, to my brothers embarrasment and I coul not resist to take a pic. (If you zoom in you can nearly see them behind the plantthing):
After cienfuegos we went on to Pigs Bay which is famous for the us-backed contrarevolutionary invation when Castro gave the US a heavy blow. Its one of Cubas most proud moments and the place is celebrated on propaganda everywhere you go in Cuba. Exept for in the real bay. It was just by luck that we found the museum which they have here and ofcourse it was closed as we came. I tried to snorkel at the spot to find some dead americans, but they have probably been picked up all and placed in the museum as I found nothing.

My brother trying to push my father into Pigs Bay:

We then drove back to Havanna. Exept for a lost mobile phone and one punctured tyre (hey the bus was in the other lane and the hole in the road just popped up from nowhere!) we had a good road trip. Safely back we checked into Al Capones old favourite place in Havanna, Hotel National.
Cuba16 A huge and higly exelent Hotel.

The last two days we spent exploring Havanna and hanging out with a swedish friend of my brother. We also finally found a place where they served good food, and was once more questioned if we wanted to entertain a poor lonesome girl. We also saw some guys who had taken onto such an offer. They were fat, ugly and with extrordinary horrible grins on their faces. They should have been hung up by their balls the girls was probably under 17 years old. But we did other stuff:

Local bus:

Local bar:

Havnesian street:

Dad and brother in Capitol Hill, Havanna:

Dad at seaside:

Dad taking the lead:

Me in the kiddies playground:

Our last night we went to have a real cuban experience with the show "Tropicana". Our taxidriver told us that if you have been to Cuba without seeing this show, you haven't been to cuba. And I enjoy cuban culture.


The flight home went reasonably ok. We had to land in Jamaica as I still got gas in my stomach when flying. Combined with cuban food for 10 days it was not a good experience for anyone. My father lost his ticket home in Amsterdam and KLM lost our luggage the same place. But all in all a fantastic trip!

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

I'm availiable!

Hi all!

I have finally recieved my new mobilephone so now you may all call me or SMS me to tell me what a cool person I am.

But since I never took backup of my old contact list, I don't have any of your phone numbers. And since I want to see how many of you who actually want to be my friend I will only list your number if you call me or sends me an SMS. My number is still the same. If you don't have my number but still want to be on my exclusive contact list give me a note and I will give you my number. I also have a Skype ID with webcam so for any of you who live close or far away who wants to see my marvelous face ask me and I will give you my ID so you can give me a call.

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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Interesting visitor

Hi to the world!

Today our luggage arrived (which KLM had forgotten to load on the plane from Amsterdam). But they were kind enough to send it to us by Taxi from Oslo Airport. They were even so kind that they sent my suitcase all the way to my parents house. So now I'm blogging naked and I don't want to think about how my clothes will smell when I finally open the luggage. So I still haven't recieved the pics from Cuba.

But while you wait for my vacation report of how hot and nice I have spent the last 10 days I will share another interesting thing with you......

I have registered my blog in a statistic counter thing which tells me how many people that comes into my page, where you all are logged into, how long you are on my blog and which stories you read. By this I can also see how you found my page (relax it I'm not doing surveilance. I'm only trying to learn what you want more of).

But one guy, a wild guess tells me his a guy, had an interesting entry to my blog. He was logged on through his job (no, I am not cruel enough to tell you where he works), in La Mirada, California. Clearly he was searching for something more interesting than my page as he came trough here (scroll all the way down to find me).

If this is the way I can get more visitors I can tell you that in Cuba I did not see any BEAUTIFULE NAKED WOMEN! We did see a couple having sex though, but for that story I really need my pics. Guess you guys out there can't wait now.

I have also found out another interesting fact. Probably many of you know that typing www.omir.org in the adress bar will take you directly to my page (no you don't need to search for porn to get to my page, but if you prefer it go ahead). Omir was the clown name I took for about 5 years ago, but it shows up that someone else had claimed this name long time before me. So next time you log into omir.org you should be aware that someone might monitor you in the believe that you are looking up the webpage of the Organization of the Mojahedin of the Islamic Revolution (no kidding, they really exist and they are better known as The OMIR).

But relax it, if anyone in black suites, with sunglasses, shows up on your door, I will stand up for you in court. That will be, if you recieve one before they take you into the forest and shoots you.

Please come back whenever you feel to, I serve all you want from fanatical group to women who needs you to keep them warm as they have lost their clothes.

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I'm back!

Hi everybody!

I'm a survivor and back from Cuba again to the safe Norwegian winter. Hurray! (not)

But as the KLM people managed to loose my luggage I will give you the story of my trip when it arrive as all my pics are in it. I also managed to give away my cellphone to some unknown cuban guy as he probably needed to call his family in Miami (yes, I know I'm too kind). So if any of you try to call me, say hi from me to the poor guy (you can also tell him to fuck off and go play in the middle of the highway). But otherwise its been a great trip and I will tell you all about it when or if I get my luggage.

Take care all!

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Thursday, January 05, 2006

Bad taste and Cuba here I come!

When my mom had read my last post her only comment was "Did you really buy that hideous minimalistic 1950s lamp?" I explained her that yes I did and that I think it actually gives a certain touch to my apartment (she is probably going to die when she sees the other lamp I bought if she didn't like this one). But my mom should not talk to me about buying hideous lamps. In my parents house there are an overwhealming amount of lamps which never should have touched the face of the earth and they actually put them in places where you may see them. I would have given you some pics, but you would all have logged of my blog and made it for the bathroom if you had to see these lamps, but anyhow here is a small pic for you, but do not zoom:

ARGH! MY EYES MY EYES! (the lampshade is actually pink...say no more say no more)

The fact that she walks around in the same kind of shoes as my little sister proves that you can't put her up as a model when considering the art of taste, but she knows a lot about other stuff though. She can actually read your mind just by looking at you, quite scary. But feel free to give me your own view on the lamp.

I'm leaving for Cuba tonight with my brother and father. I'm going over there to meet Carmelita and her sister Mamasita who, according to everyone, will always be ready to light up my cigar and pour me another glass of rom. They will do this because they love me for who I am. I also plan to hook up with Mr. Fidel and ask him if Bill Clinton did it with a real cuban or if he used a cheap second-hand brand when he and Ms. Lewinsky experimented on how tobacco affects the body. Fidel should be an expert on the field.

In other words there will be little time for me to update this blog for some days. But feel free to read from my old stuff, and give me your vote on the poll as I know that many of you still haven't.

Take care all and while I'm gone you also might like to finish this story:

"Jesus walks into a bar...

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Wednesday, January 04, 2006

The evidence of my evilness

A lot of people look at me as a genuinely nice person. The ones who know me better know that I seldom try to hurt people on purpose. I have often heard that I'm actually too kind and have to be tougher, not always only nod and say "Yes" (all my friends loved my ability to say "yes" when I was young. I was the one who always was ready. "Ole can you put your head in the toilet?" "Yes"). But here people have misunderstood a vital part of me. I have no fun of talking with people I don't like. I rather turn away instead of arguing or calling someone a "stupid dick". But I may be cruel when I really want to, only in a slightly more sophisticated way. And today I actually went evil. Here is the story whitch proves my evilness (just a pic first so you may rest your eyes).

My girlfriend put our relationship on hold just before christmas (relax it, this is a public blog, nothing personal is coming your way). Before this she had been nagging me for a month on a lamp she had found in a second hand shop. She really wanted this lamp for christmas, she obviously wanted it more than she wanted me (oops sorry, no more of that stuff, promise). She used to take me for a detour on our way to her place to show me the lamp. In her room she had one light which was a bit to bright and another one which I never turned off before I fell to sleep as it was placed far away from the bed. She really needed a lamp on her wall, and she wanted this spesific one. Badly. I believe she even dreamt about it. I was planning to buy this lamp, but luckily the shop was closed when I went. Next day there was no need for me to buy it, so naturally I never did.

Before she pushed the pause button I lent my girlfriend some money, and she used all she had gained during christmas to pay me back as she would not fight over money (point to her). So now she is almost completely broke until she gets her student loan. My evil mind made me go to the second hand shop today. I went in and asked the owner about the lamp. He said that it was not for sale, since a certain girl had asked him to keep it until she got money to buy it. The owner knows her since he is a regular customer at the cafè she works in. But I had once been in his store before and he recognized me as her boyfriend. Evil as I am I told him that I wanted to buy the lamp as a secret gift for her (he is quite a cool guy, and I'm sorry I had to lie to him. You can meet him here: Cool objects to a decent price!) Ofcourse he believed me and thought this to be a great idea. And there you se how evil I may be, even though I am broke again. One should never underestimate us small guys.

So Miss M. I'm sorry,but you can't buy this lamp now (its nearly rear, norwegian made in the 50s), but if you want to look at it here it is, it looks really great in my apartment (her taste in furniture is quite cool):

I also got it for a good price as I bought another lamp, and probably because he thought I still was Miss M's boyfriend. I think he should get a discount on the next coffee he buys.

Ooops, here comes the guys dressed in white. See you all when I get out again! Cherioooohohohohohohoohahahahahahhaah

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My history of weird work part 2

Since I posted "My history of weird work" so many of you (how many is a secret) have been nagging on me on what I have done since I left the circus in Mexico, so for all of you here is my history of weird work part 2.

After I came home from Mexico I was both without work and money, but I had gained a minimality of new experience as a juggler. Therefore I went back to make money on the street. This was, as said earlier, a good job and I made quite an amount of money. And it also gave me a few other jobs. For example I was touring birthday parties for taiwanesian kids for a while. Here I usualy was put in between the karaoke and the guy handing out candy, they were both actually more popular than me. But I ate some really great food here.

But one day, after having a show on the street, a guy comes up to me. He wonders if I want to have a show at the grand opening of his nightclub. The guy looks slightly mental, but as I never say no to a job (exept for one taiwanese party during my exam, never got into those jobs again) I gave him my number. After the summer I started my studies and I hadn't heard anything from the guy so I thought he was only dreaming up this place. One day 2 1/2 month later I get a phone call. It went something like this:

Guy: "Is this Ole?"
Me: "Yes"
Guy: "I got you on a list for being bartender, is that correct?"
Me: "Well I have never tasted a drink in my whole life (I'm a beer person), and at least never made one. But that could be fun."
Guy: "That's good, could we meet tomorrow and I will tell you what you are going to do"
Me: "Cool, see you tomorrow."
Guy: "Cheers."

I actually met the guy the day after and he started telling me that he was going to open a new place. He told me it was a whole new concept for Oslo, and it was going to be really special. After he had been talking like this for 1 1/2 hour I stopped him and asked if this place was a gay bar. "Yes" he said, "Cool" I said. So two weeks after I was standing behind the bar serving. You have to see here that I had, at this time, never made a serious drink (if you don't count mixing all the different ingredients of your parents cocktail cabinet into an empty bottle of coke). But just like in the circus they didn't want me for my abilities, but for my look. Heck the first month I was even to young to serve anything else than beer and wine.

This place had three levels. On the ground floor you had the normal bar with a pool table. Above you had the discoteque with a stage where people could make a striptease (they had promised me ladies on this stage, I never saw them, though I never saw the guys stripping either). On the top floor you had what was known as "The Leather Bar". I never walked into that one...

I was working at the ground floor and was entertaining all the semi-alcoholic gays. They used to drop their cigarette packs over the counter so they could watch me bend down to pick it up. I quickly learnt to flip it up with my foot. I also recieved a lot of napkins with phone numbers on them. I used to hand these out again when other people asked for mine. I was like a love central.

It was actually quite good to work here. We had some huge greek guys watching the door, but there was never fighting going on. The worst thing that happened was when a guy hit another one with his handbag. The only anoying thing about working there was the girls. They usualy came in in groups of 5+ at about 10 o'clock in the evening. They where out for a "ladies only night" and therefore went to a gay bar where noone would hit on them. Every single time this happened: At 11 o'clock they were in good humor and had kicked away the only guy stupid enough to hit on them in a gay bar. At 12 o'clock the place was quite full and the whole group was becomming a bit restless. So many guys and 5 pretty girls... 01 o'clock their eyes bagan to search the room an they were all wondering "What's wrong with us? Why don't any of these guys want to hook up with us?". At 02 o'clock they were desperate and would take the first ugly motherfucker who didn't prefere ass. Some smart guys learnt this and entered the bar at this time and went away with the girls. I had to always watch this from behind the bar. If I hooked up with them girls I would forever loose my tip. It was torture.

Anyhow this place went down. I met my ex-boss a while thereafter. He was walking around with a pig on a string and wondered if I would work at his new toppless joint. I told him no.

I then started to work at an old people's home and that was way worse than the gay bar. At this place they actually tried to gain money on storing the old people for the last years of their life. In the start it was ok, but after a while the portions of food got smaller, we where fewer people on work, and we had so much to do that some of the old people had to lay in bed all day. One woman was superbly fine, but she couldn't use her right side correctly. If she had got the correct treatment she would have been at home after 6 months. She had been there for 3 years and probably had 10 more left. Another time we thought a woman was supposed to die. She laid in her bed for a week getting nourishment through wires. Then the doctor came by and said she was absolutely fine. The woman could not speak...

The people I worked with was genuinely nice people who did everything they could, but my boss, who had economical background was a prick (even though I never met her). When they thaught us how much fluid a diaper actually can hold, and to make shure we used them for the maximum, and they told us to use the cheap plastic glowes instead of the more expencive latex ones I quit (The plastic ones easily ripped, no fun when helping old people at the bathroom). Never again, I will rather die young.

Oh sorry, I forgot, before wasting my time at the old people's home I was working at a school for mentally challenged kids. That was quite fun because the mind of these guys are so unpredictable. I have worked with normal kids and that is ok, but getting up at 7 makes you feel tired all day. With these kids you will be awake in a second. Especially it was fun when you had story reading. One of the kids had a fantastic memory and once you had told him a story he remembered it. So meanwhile I was reading out loud you could hear him mumble in the backround. Then he would speak faster and faster and louder and it was impossible to stop him before he had finished reciting the whole book. I once read him "War and peace" by Tolstoj, and when we repeated it he caught on fire. I had to quit this job then.

The christmas of 2002 i was broke and had no job. In other words quite desperate, I would have taken any job in the world. And I did. This is where I spent my christmas. "Husfliden" is a store where they sell knittingwear, traditional norwegian costumes and norwegian craft made in china. I have to say I had no idea of that when I applied for the job. I thought they sold kitchen stuff. Anyhow I got the job because I am a boy (I was the only one) and I did not have to wear a traditional norwegian suit which was their uniform and is probably even more of a health risk than a smoking (I had a read beanie though) and I was not invited for when they were counting up all the stuff which was left after a year of sale. But I got some money and I nearly learnt how to wrap stuff.

But I nearly made a disaster here one day. I had bought some juggling rings for my niece as a christmas gift and placed them at the back room where I was going to wrap them in. One of my colleagues saw them and screamed "Its plastic in here!" and then she fainted. Luckily she didn't hit her head to hard and she is still alive today, not more mentaly disturbed than before this incident. But I had to buy her flowers while she was in hospital (job policy they told me). I found some really nice plastic ones so she shouldn't have to water them.

Well I still have a lot to tell, but again you guys read slow so I stop here for now. The rest of my job history will come soon and meanwhile you can comment, post a message and give me your vote for which story you really want to read.

Take care all and stay healthy as I want you all to come back (I had 69 hits first day of this year and I hope it will continue like this)!


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Monday, January 02, 2006

Cristmas present from Mr. A

By the way I just have to tell you about this gift I got for christmas from my friend Mr. A (which is not fat by the way, just pregnant).

Mr. A is a genious in making stuff, but this time he had overdone his efforts a bit. He had bought two russian propaganda posters for me, and he had to make something for storing them. And he even told me to meet him at the main train station to give me this packet. So in the middle of the hall he takes it out, gives it to me and proclaims loud and clearly "It's really good, I have made it myself at home". I had to spend the rest of my day with the security personel (who all was from the youth division of The New Norwegian Tourist Association) with a lamp in my face and electricy wiered to my balls explaining my non-connection with foundamentalistic groups. This is what he gave me:


So thank you Mr.A, best day before christmas I ever had! If you want to you can meet Mr.A and order your own example here: Mod that grey box!, and give me your vote (poll on sidebar, right hand) on the next story you want me to give you!

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Happy 2006!


Good morning everybody! I hope your hangover from new years eve has passed by now and that you are all working hard again to make our world go forward. I had a pretty light new years eve in terms of consumption of alcohol. I was with my brother and his friends. And it was actually quite interesting.

Since I didn't drink much and was not in a state of mental illusion of happiness, I was able overhear some of the other conversations. The view from 30 year old ladies on how to hook up with a guy is actually quite interesting. I also learnt that its horribly cold to walk outside without underwear and only with a skirt on. Even during summer. It was just like hiding in the ladies bathroom, you should all try it out sometime. Anyhow I was home at 3 as I had to do an interview with an 89 year old man the next day for my studies. His mind was even more interesting than the 30 year old girls´. But he did not mention if its cold to walk outside without underwear though.

I don't know if you remember, but earlier I told you about my parents resingning our familys membership from The Norwegian Tourist Association as they had taken the ex defense minister as their new leader. They actually replied upon us resigning and they told us that it was sad to see that we had gone away from the values of the association. This is actually quite funny because we have not changed us, but they have hired a leader who will turn this association into something fanatical. Probably she will start with their youth department where they traditionally arrange mountaintrips for younger people. From now on you can probably forget the mountain, get a uniform and learn to march correctly in line while you sing a song to praise her. Meanwhile she will stand high up, together with her "walking friend" and only dressed in the american flag taking in the praise from the youth. Hurray! Its hillarious that they believe this to be just the kind of values my family has kept alive for years.

Anyhow complete malapropo, I have a poll box on the right hand sidebar. As you all can see I have many stories I want to tell, but I leave it up to you to choose which! Give me your vote and I will give you the story!

Take care and don't keep the promises you gave on new years eve!

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