Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Emily is back home!

As I stated yesterday, Emily came home from a year in South Dakota. She arrived actually before schedule. Unluckily my mom and dad did not. They where stuck in traffic while she was standing with 10 tons of luggage at the airport.

But they finally arrived and my sister was taken securely home. And one guy was for sure happy to see her. The dog. He went mental, actually more mental than usual. I think he shortcuted some of his brains circuits, cause he went like this for hours:

As a gift from her stay my sister had bought me a tee stating:


That was nice, but she is rather well informed I believe, so now I wonder which one out there who told her about this? I thought I had made a deal with you not to share this information with anyone, and at least not with my sister.

I tried to push her on which of the delta males, which I have posted on my blog, was the real candidate to date her. But she just laughed of me. Of me, her big brother! Therefore I believe it is this guy:


So all of you who want her adress and phone number, I am sorry. She is clearly taken by the poor guy having a hard time cause he tries to take a dump, outside, with his pants still on. Just look at his face and you can see he is struggeling. But he is an American what can you expect?

Good to have you back Emily, but I think we have to work a long time with this knife and fork thing.

I don't know if you remember. But not long ago I sent a rather academical, or cheeky you may call it, mail to my boss. I was looking so forward to post his reply. But it never arrived. I believe I will get a note soon that I can pack my things up, so if anyone out there need a cheeky academic, don't hesitate to call. But you will have to pay me well!


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Monday, May 22, 2006

Emily is coming home!

Today Emily is coming home! We will have so much fun with her. After a year in South Dakota, surrounded by hillbillys and meta males she will probably have a hard time to assimilate with civilization, and I, for sure, am going to make a mess of her head.


If you look at this pic she has taken for her senior you can se the doped look she got and the cheesy smile. Probably the stay has mixed up some of her mental synapses. Most of all I'm looking forward to hear her mixed up language. Insted of "I believe this to be a metaphorical rather than practical problem!" she will now say "OH MY GOOOOOOOD!" She will probably state that about anything. "Dinner is served!" "OH MY GOOOOOOD!" "Look the toilet can flush, f-l-u-s-h, remember?" "OH MY GOOOOOD!" "Do not eat the grass..." "OH MY GOOOOOOD!" It will be so much fun.

Probably she will also complain on how small everything is "In the US the steak was much bigger, OH MY GOOOOOD!" but then again, nothing is bigger than her ego. I promise you all, it was humongous when she left.

We will have a hard time learning her to eat with knife and fork again, but we are all looking forward to it.

Welcome home Emily!

I bet it will take 5 hours before she has an argument with our mother, anybody up? 100 bucks in the pot.

If you have little to do today you might want to check out this video of an Asian show. My favourite is "Old man biting tenderly"

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Saturday, May 20, 2006

Waz up!

Hi all.

I know it has beem a long time since I last wrote something on this blog. There has been a lot of speculations on why it has been like that. Some of you believe I got a new girlfriend, other think I'm finally studying and my mother assumed I was dead. That's quite normal. Luckily you where all wrong. What I have been doing? Come on, the sun finally arrived:


Sit inside and blog while the sun is up? I live in Norway, we got sun 5 days a year.

But I have been studying also, at least some. Actually the other day we had a celebration at my studies. Why? Because it was the final day for handing in our thesis. We where officially over time and of course that was a good reason for a party. While we where celebrating our defeat we saw this guy, he had obviously neither handed in his thesis:


Later in the evening we went to see our friend Morten and his friend Miss M play with their funk band Cobra Kai:




If Morten claims their music not to be funk, don't listen to him. I am a music journalist so I know my jargon. But the consert was absolutely cool.

What more have I done? Yes, the Norwegian national day was here. I had breakfast with my brother and some friends and a child. That was nice until my friends thought it was a good idea to change the diaper on the kid upon my bed.

In the evening I went to a party. That was also fun until the girl I danced with had to go to the bathroom and puke. Some people just can't take a tiny twist. I have to admit that when I left the party I was a bit twisted myself so I couldn't quite remember where I was.

That was the interesting stuff I think. Now I have to run to do some studying as I got a hand in in the end of this week. But on Saturday I got a reunion party, that will for sure be worth a post.

Ah yes, the day after tomorrow my sister Emily will come back to civilization. I can't wait to see which hillbilly she brings with her! She have to come back now I think. The trip to the States has been no good to her, just look at the pics she has taken and imagine how her superego will be. A year surrounded by mental retardness is not good for it I believe. But back home again she will soon get down to earth. At least as long down as we can get her, she was kind of filled with helium even before she left.


So long and thaks for all the jello!

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Saturday, May 06, 2006

Ole applies for a job, hilarity ensues

Actually I shouldn't blog about this since I have yet not recieved an answer on my job application, but it is actually too funny.

I sent of a job application the other day. I had found a note at the University stating that the Center for Cultural Integration (not their real name, but I don't want them to find this through google) wanted to send one person of with the Peace Corps. This person will live in a place in Africa for 14 months and work at a university there. I thought this was perfect for me so I sat down and wrote an application explaining them what a perfect person I am. Not at least I told them about some of the crazy stuff I have worked with. As I was was going to send it in I realized that there was no information stating where I was supposed to send it in. I found this weird, but I went on the Net and entered the site of the Center for Cultural Integration. Then I had my best laugh ever, as it showed out that this center actually was a missionary school from my mothers hometown.

But then again, I would enjoy a stay in Madagaskar, and I have never tried to be a missionary before. So yes I sent the application. I believe this job will bring me one step further on my mission to become Minister of Propaganda.


If I will get the job? I don't think so. I realised too late that my CV states loud and clearly that I have performed at the gaycircus, worked at a gaybar and worked as confirmation leader for the hedeonistic society. Not your average missionary in other words.

By the way, here is one of the funniest cartoons I know. It's interactivity just blew me of the chair. At least 2 years ago. Google has done some changes since then. Click for larger image.


And I can't really hold this back anymore. The best candidate ever to date my little sister: The Hunter.

He will track her down in his sexy camuflage suite and show her some tricks with his gun, and not at least his bow and arrow.


This one you can bring home, we can have a lot of fun with him.

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Friday, May 05, 2006

Fun with politics on a friday

Summer has arrived and it's friday,. Time for some fun! I have a problem with my domain forwarding at the moment so you can not enter the site through my domain. Use www.kingkills.blogspot.com until I have fixed the problem.

Today we will focus upon inconsequense in politics. First of is my favourite politician Mr. Bush and some colleagues of his. I have commented before on the weird logic of the political community on their view upon Hamas. First they tell the palestinian people that "You have to make free and fair democratic elections!" But when the palestinians voted for Hamas they are told "You will get no suport since this is not the democracy WE wanted." Its a truly sick world.

Good democracy:

Parade 2

Bad democracy:

hamas parade gaza 053004

But Mr. Bush is now mainly targeting Iran and their president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.


Mr. Bush and company has stated that either Mr. Ahmadinejad either have to stop his research on nuclear weapons or he will be attacked. The interesting thing here is that the Alliance Against Civilization in the Middle East want to attack Iran with nuclear weapons. Is there anyone else who finds this a bit weird? "No you cannot have those weapons. If you do we will use such weapons against you! Get rid of our own? No way!" The fact that Israel and Pakistan have the same weapons doesn't bothers anyone.

- Mine is bigger than yours!
- Yeah, but its fucking thin!

But I have to admit that Norway also has it's share of crazy politicians. And the weirdest of them all are the members of the ultra-conservative-right-wing party FRP one of the biggest parties in Norway. Just look at these nice people, one have to adore them.


Now FRP have stated that they want to use chemical sterilisation on every sex-offender in Norway. I find this quite a good idea and I hereby put my vote in to let this guy, the mayor in Os, to go forward as the first example:


If I remember correctly he had an affair with a girl at the partys national congress. And if I am not wrong this girl was quite young and also drunk. Maybe some people will claim that she did nor resist the actual intimacy part. But look at him again and ask yourself who would ever have sex voluntarily with this man? Give him a bit of chemical castraiton I say!

Another interesting outburst from this party happened not long ago. This party has claimed for a long time that if a foreigner (that would for them be anyone who doesn't have white skin or believe in christianity) want to stay in Norway they have to learn norwegian. Now a lot of their voters are fat ugly Norwegians living in Spain. Most of them can't even say thank you in english and even less in spanish. One wouldn't expect no more from them either, but now the leader of this party claimed that "If spanyards want to work with norwegians in Spain they have to learn to speak Norwegian!" The fact that the norwegians living in Spain, according to his own political brain, should have been thrown out from the country long time ago since they hav not managed to assimilate them into the spanish society does not seem to bother him. Clearly this rule does not apply to norwegians cause we are white.


But the norwegians in Spain does not stop complaining here. Now they also state that they want their own Norwegian high school in Spain. The Norwegian government said no to this. But then Mr. FRP himself went out and stated "This is wrong and shows a clearly negative attitude." I wonder what he had said if the Somalian government wanted to start a somalian school in Norway. One of the we-dont-speak-spanish norwegians in Spain stated "It is not an option for me to send my kids to a spanish school." But of course, how can one expect this people to learn the language of the society they are living in. That would probably be too much for their brains. I would be truly happy if the spanish government would let all these norwegians stay. I do not want to have them around here, it is more than enough with their political views. To have them here physical would be a torture.

Now you might say "This is nothing new Ole. We all know this (at least the smart one of us who doesn't vote or vote for another party), why are you rambling about this then?" Well here is my point. I have been wondering where all these nationalistic and clearly fascistic tendencies come from, and during my studies I found the answer.

While I was reading one of my books I saw a picture of Mr. Bjørn W. Guineriusen. He was a norwegian who during WWII was one of the Silberfüchse which was a SS Jagdverband organisation of a nucleus of welltrained and ardent supporters of Nazi ideology. They where suposed to act as a stay behind group behind the Soviet front (yes, americans, the soviets where a part of the allies during the war). Mr. Guineriusen was leader of one such operation, which failed as they where captured by the Red Army. Now look at Mr. Guineriusen:


An then look at Mr. Hagen, the leader of the party in question.


Quite a recemlance I might say.


But this is not all. If you also look at Mrs. Hagen and compare her to Olga Bjoner, leader of the Nationalistic Woman Organisation in Norway during the war I believe we can state that these nationalistic feelings have been geneticaly transfered down the line. I rest my case.


As a final I like to present a new candidate to date my sister. As there is a chance that my sister is lesbian (who knows?) I present a girl today and clearly she likes to hang around in bars:


This one she will be allowed to take with her home.

To finish this Funny Friday of I want to present for you a loving mothers gift to her son, this.

Last funny friday

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Wednesday, May 03, 2006

What will I do?

As you all now have read my blog for a while you are of course wondering "What will Ole do for a living?" Especially since you have read about my studies an not at least my highly interesting History of Weird Work. The question on who will be the lucky one to get use of all my knowledge and experience is an essential one. And here is the answer you all have been waiting for, at least some of it:


Recently I tried to get an answer on this question myself. I know what my objective is, but how to get there is still a problem. The highly uninformative newspaper Dagsavisen proclaimed that their workpanel would answer all questions regarding work. Therefore I sent them an enquiery.

All of you who believed that I will use my skills to make a benefit for a better world are unfortunately wrong. Heck, solidarity has never made anyone rich! And my exclusive skills would be wasted on such matters. This is what I sent of:


Subject: A question on work.

Dear Dagsavisen.

My name is John Tender and I have a question concerning future employment, and some friends of mine told me I could ask you.

I am an exchange student on the University of Oslo where I am writing my master thesis in media and communication. I will hopefully be finished with my master this summer and start look for work. I got high ambitions for myself and hope that you could give me some guidance.

In the start I expect to do a small job in a company or organisation in Norway (I want to continue working here as the salaries are better here than most places). I hope such a work will give me the opportunity to work abroad, primarily in Africa.

Once in Africa I would like to get to know some important people. It is actually necessary for me to have a job where meeting such people comes naturally. My final ambition is for these important people to set me up with the national government. Once I get to know them I hope they will give me the post as Propaganda Minister, or "Minister of Information" as it will be named.

As Minister of Propaganda I plan to build one really nice and comfy hospital where we can give room for maybe 1000 people (at least not more) who is suffering from AIDS and give them the best treatment possible. The hospital will of course be one of the best. I will also manage to get one female person into the government, as minister of culture, modernisation, integration or other unimportant department. The best would be if this women is a muslim so we also can remove her Hijab and truly liberate her.

I will then invite the foreign press and show them all this. What happens behind these beautiful things, like genocide, famine, millions dead of AIDS or other not so popular things will be unimportant and not my business. I will only show the press the good things. When this publicity is shown abroad I will of course explain the governments that we need economical support to sustain our development.

My salary for all this will be 10 percent of the money which comes in.

Now I wonder if you could give me a tip of a good starting job to reach this goal. My master is in media and communication, but I also got some corses in history of theatre and spanish. I also know how to make movies and I do some juggling on my spare time. Where should I send my applications?

The best thing would be to get staight into the position as Minister of Propaganda in for example Congo, Nigeria, Liberia or Zimbabwe (Mr. Mugabe could for sure need me), but this would be difficult. I hope therefore you, with your expertice, could help me out and give me some recomandations on companies and organisations in Norway where it is smart to begin.

Thank you so much for your help!

Sincerely yours,

John Tender

ps: how much do you believe I could gain in such a position?

I sent this request twice. But Dagsavisen never replied to me. Clearly their knowledge on work is not as huge as they insists upon. Experts my ass!


So if anyone out there has a good idea on how I shall reach my destiny as a minister of propaganda, don't hesitate, but give me your advice today!


By the way another hilbilly, tractorenthusiast which might be a candidate to date my little sister. Clearly he will take her on a lovely date on the back of his green, mean machine.


And for a little extra touch he will dress up in his protectional bodysuite and act retarded when her rage sets in:


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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

New girlfriend?

I guess all of you have voted now and clearly there is no way I should take away my unibrow. It's sexy, it's hot, it's everything your not. Here is the result from the vote:

Poll for Emily

Should I shave my unibrown?

No way! That unibrow is sexy!: 6 (28%)

Unibrow = Real Man: 5 (23%)

I love that unibrow: 5 (23%)

I want a man with unibrow!: 3 (14%)

Come get me as you are ole!: 2 (9%)

21 Total votes

Clearly it is time for a new vote. Recently I recieved an interesting comment. This comment goes way beyond my private sphere, but after posting myself taking a dump, I guess it doesn't have much to say. This is the comment I recieved:

Nå tror jeg du må få deg en dame!

Posted by Anonymous

4/30/2006 08:41:23 PM

In english it says:

I think you have to get a girlfriend now.

My bet is that this anonymous person is my mom. But anyhow all comments on my blog are taken seriously. Therefore I will consider this suggestion. But if I get a girlfriend I will waste all my time on silly stuff instead of my highly important blog. As my readers I believe it is important for you to give your opinion on the matter. So check in on my new vote "Girlfriend For Me?" located in the sidebar. Do not hesitate to give me your view on this essential problem, comments are welcome.

While you are thinking you might like to watch this clip featuring L'internationale performed by a genuine 80 year old commie.

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Monday, May 01, 2006

Congratulation worker!

Congratulation worker! Today is 1st of May and for the last time in my life I took a trip down to the center to take a check on the 1st of May parade and to see how the old commies are going along.


The first view which met me made me quite depress. My head was not completely attatched as I had a few celebration beers yesterday and my vision was also quite blurry. But in the entrance to the square where the parade was supposed to start I saw a bunch of people in blue jackets.


These guys are a normal sight on trains, metros and trams and usualy when you meet them they want to see your ticket. Since the norwegian word for the 1st of May parade "Første mai tog" can also me translated to "1st of May train" I suposed they had started to check if you had a valid ticket to participate. I found it quite sorrowing that also for this event they now take money, but I got my ticket out and went up to them. They just looked baffeled at me and it showed out that they where part of a music corps. Well bloody stupid of them to wear their working suit on a day off I would say.

Next thing that happens is a guy talking on the threath of atomic bombs.


This was quite a short speach and maybe there were 10 people listening to him. Actually the square was quite empty so I started to believe that I was to late. As you can see there wasn't even enough people to fill half the square:

But after a while the people started to pour in, and you found every kind of activist here.

Big and small, sitting and standing:


The military revoloutionaries (they where the least sober in the whole event)


The Black Block also finally showed up as the hangover from yesterday got better:


Hey, even Mr. Marx himself took the trip:


Then the leader of the Trade Unions made a speach. It was of course quite boring and of course mainly a lot of giberish with big words on how she and her fellow top leaders will make a better life for themselves with the help of the workers:

They could just as well have placed a sheep upon the pidestal.

But then finaly the big moment arrived. The moment when every 80 year old communist starts to cry, and every revolutionary dog starts to bark. L'international!

Well then finally the parade was ready to go, but I managed to mix in with a nice group of people. They where so kind to me that I chosed to joint their organisation named LTTE. Thay promised me that I could make a huge contribution by joining them. They will call me tomorrow on what my mission will be. They also told me that there would be great opportunities to meet some chicks in their organisation.


I went home after this as I believe the walking part was not of my priority today. But it is kind of sad to think that this was my last 1st of May parade ever. Cause next year I will have finished my master and will enjoy a leading position in the media market. I will not be welcome to join the workers on their great day then.

Here is yet another candidate to date my little sister: The Sexy Rock Star!


If he can play her som lovetunes is not known, but he for sure knows how to hold a guitar up in the air. But The Sexy Rock Star is not only creative when holding instruments up in the air. He also makes pottery!


Imagine the fantastic dates they can have together! But I bet you he does not participate in the 1st of May parade. Nobody with a shirt like that does.

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