Friday, February 16, 2007

I'm off to Galapagos!

Hi all!

Im leaving the cold and dark weather in Norway to enjoy two weeks of 30 degrees in the sun in Galapagos. I will dive, drink and of course try a ride on one of the grand turtles over there.

Because of this I will probably not update my blog for a while if not one of those tortoises come with Net access. If so I shall be famous and call it Omirus Geochelone. Until I return you might enjoy this video of what I'm off to:

Enjoy the cold weather everyone, and remember to take your C vitamins. I will get more than enough the natural way!

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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Army 101 II

I've never been in the army. People are often asking me why not and then continues to chatter about the great experince they had, the comaredeship they felt and the self development they made. I feel no other need to explain mysel than to show you this video. For Christ sake this is dangerous! And quite funny:

But I would quite enjoy joining the British army in the 50s. They had for sure a lot of fun:

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Weightlifting is fun! To watch!

In my thread on informing my little sister Emily on the dangers of sport we have today arrived on the most interesting but deadly past-time weightlifting. She does this several times a week I believe without knowing the dangers of this past-time. Now she has no excuse for this. Enjoy while you eat your strawberry-with-no-sugar-JAM. This is a lot of fun. To watch:

In my last post on this thread my little sister claimed that I am so unhealthy that I'm about to loose my hair. I can inform you all that this is not true. I got more than enough from my mid and down plus that last time I was at the hairdresser I asked her if I was about to loose the hair on my head. She explained me that this was not about to happen.

My sisters response on this information? "How much did you pay her?"1

1Too much I have to admit

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Amazing American WWII history

I bought myself a small treat yesterday, or rather I bought it for my father since I managed to loose his copy of it. What I bought? The fabulous movie "The Longest Day".

This is a great movie made in 1962 about the allied invasion in France the 6th of June 1944. You may also have heard of this day as the D-day. The movie "Saving Private Ryan" is nothing compared with this one. But it's of course completely wrong and pretty bad of me to even try to compare the pussy Tom Hanks with Richard Burton. Check out the trailer for yourself:

Anyhow the version I bought is an anniversary edition celebrating that it was 60 years since 80000 young men died. Inside this version there is a 12 page long leaflet containing stories from D-day and facts about the film. But this leaflet also contains a storyline describing events of WWII. What's interesting is that in this storyline there is no remark on Operation Barbarossa, Stalingrad nor the fall of Berlin. Actually the Soviet campaign is remarked only with the short words "1945, 04.25: U.S. and Soviet Armies meet at Torgau Germany". The fact that 93% of German causalities during the war happened on the Eastern Front seems of no interest to the Americans. Actually one may conclude that the Soviet was never in the war according to American history.

I found the same lack of history in the DVD set "Europe in Flames".

This box contains 9 DVDs on the history of WWII. But according to the movie the Soviet Union did nothing after they made the Molotov-Riebentrop pact. The Americans actually won the war on their own according to these DVDs.

I understand that the Cold War made it difficult for Americans to recognize the effort done by the Soviet Union during WWII, but it's on high time they do look away from their selfish propaganda. One may not leave it to the Russians to preserve their own history alone. Cause this is what you will get:

So Americans: Valentines is over, go check out a real man movie today and take a look at Stalingrad. Thats a real history lesson for you.

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Ice skating is fun! To watch!

My sister Emily has started a campaign against me. She wants to go to NIH, Norwegian Irresponsible High School, or Norwegian School of Sports as many call it. She actually believes that you can make a living of doing exercise. I know this is a most hilarious thought, I told her several times, but she won't listen to her brother.

Rather she has started a campaign to proof that I am unhealthy. She claimed that when I am 30 I will be one of her clients, doing exercise to survive because of too much smoking and drinking. As I told her I exercise several times a week. Last time yesterday, from behind. She would not listen to me but continued to eat her cottage cheese with strawberry jam.

Because she won't listen to her older and more experienced brother I thought it better to show her the dangers of sports. And first out is Ice Skating. A highly dangerous sport, but also a lot of fun. To watch:

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From John Tender to you, with love

Happy Valentines everyone! Actually I couldn't care less about this day where young American kids are traumatized for life since they don't receive a Valentines card at school. Celebrating love my ass. I have found the rescue for all this kids, as they will all grow up to sexually troublesome maniacs.

The rescue for them is of course the "pussy on a box", Vulva Original. This has nothing to do with the SNL thing with dick on a box, but since it is such a hype I can share that one also with you all here:

I don't really se the hype in this one, have to be some sort of American thing, just like Valentines.

Anyhow, I thought of it as my responsibility to check out the Vulva Original and to try to get a free sample of the product. And who would be better for the job than John Tender, so I put him on the case and sent this mail to Vulva Original:

Dear sir/madam.

I have smelled my way through the web to your most interesting product Vulva Original. I have to say I was very amused by this at the beginning. Especially I enjoyed your most informative video which I saw several times. But I was left with some questions concerning your product.

As I understood it Vulva Original is meant as a aphrodisiacum for men who can't manage to get aroused on their own and need a bit of help. Now I am not one of them, but I was curious if your product also could be used as a perfume, and to what effect?

What will happen if I put a tint of Vulva Original on my neck before leaving to have a joll on the town? Will I have a trail of horny men coming after me, or do you believe it will also arouse women? And as we all now natural vagina smell is maybe not always the best after a night out, will the same happen with Vulva Original? Will it smell "fishy"?

If you have not done a test on this I would be most happy to help you out if you send me a free test of your product. I am currently living in Norway and nightlife here is really good so I believe it would make a great scenario to test out your product. I will present such a test in the student fanzine Samfunnsfilosofisk Tidsskrift, which would be good promotion for your product amongst Norwegian student.

One last concern: Will it be dangerous to have Vulva Original on my body for several hours?

Sincerely yours,

John Tender

I thought this was a great offer which they could not turn down, but clearly the "pussy on a box" people gives nothing out for free as this was their reply:

Dear Mr Tender,

thank you very much for your mail and interest in our product.

Before we launched very successfully VULVA Original 1 1/2 years ago we had tested it extensively.
So, thank you for your offer but all the work has been done.

If you like to make the experience of VULVA´s wonderful effect we would be delighted to receive your order.

And referring to your concern: you can leave it on your body as long as you like. It´s not dangerous at all.

Kindest regards,

team vivaeros

Otto-Hahn-Straße 7
50997 Köln · Germany
Fon +49 (0) 163-84 40 082
Fax +49 (0) 22 36 - 890 55-1

Clearly they are not interested in my service. But I do not quite believe that they have done all the work. And to testify this I sent them one last mail:

Dear Team Viaeros.

Thank you so much for your reply. As a student in media and communication I am really interested in your research. Have you really tested out the effect of the Vulva Original "down town"? Did it have an effect on other people? And if so, how did this effect show up?

If it's possible I would love to get an insight into your research material on this test. If you have video material or photographic evidence it would be even better.

I am still curious on how the smell of Vulva Original is after an extensive period. As you state it is supposed to be most natural. As we all now the "natural" smell of a vagina is not always the best. At least the one of us who has performed cunnilingus on a festival hook-up. Would the same thing happen with Vulva Original, or would Vulva Original always smell fresh like a newly plucked flower?

Unfortunately my libido is most alive so I don't need Vulva Original myself. If you don't believe me I can send you a picture proof. But I am sure that you are of good help to many lonesome men out there.

Looking forward to your reply,

John Tender

They never replied on this mail so clearly they have not researched on the effect of Vulva Original used as a perfume. But neither do they believe that Mr. Tender is well suited to do such a research. I can't understand why.....

I'm sorry not to have managed to get a free sample for you all. But I recommend you to drop the Valentines gift for your beloved one, and rather contribute the money to me so I can go further with this research. You will get much more satisfaction by that I promise you.

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Friday, February 09, 2007

Want coffee?

Are you going for a swim? Want to make a cup of hot newly brewed coffee? Don't despair Ortlieb got just what you need! The waterproof coffee filter!

Just relax the coffee will pour through even though the filter is waterproof. It has a large funnel in the bottom where both the water and all the coffee grains might pour through.

How the Germans almost managed to conquer the world still remains a mystery to me.

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Thursday, February 08, 2007

Congrats Emily!

My little sister Emily finally got her driving license today. In other words: Norwegian roads are no longer safe. She actually neglected to tell me that she had her exam today, I can't really understand why. On the other hand I had a chat with her censor on what actually happened the first time she tried to get her license. He even gave me some photographic evidence...

Mr Grønvold, her driving censor, told me that Emilys first obstacle was to drive the car out of the parking lot. "It was a big parking lot, and lots of traffic, but still I found her driving to be a bit, how should I say, unfocused", says Grønvold. Here is what happened according to the video surveillance (she had a problem to start the car, so the fun ain't starting before 00:30):

"Still I was not scared enough to stop the exam, as I understood it she was quite nervous", claims Grønvold. But he ads that she might have been a bit too hard on the gas when leaving the parking lot (Emily will show up at 00:57):

Grønvold explains that he was pretty concerned after the incident, but they managed to turn the car over in the correct position. "I've must have been quite confused by the accident, cause I should clearly have stopped the fun by then." It was not until the end, when Emily was supposed to park the car again, that she showed her true aggressiveness. They even made a report on the incident at British television. Don't be confused that they claim this happened on "A busy British shopping street". Mr. Grønvold asked them to do so because he wanted too keep his reputation in order. And yes, Emily is the "loony in the red car":

Both Grønvold and Emily survived the tour, amazingly. And Emily, after some practice, has now gained her license. Hurrayh!

I, by the way, am back from Glasgow. It was a nice trip, but I would not recommend to order the steak medium cooked over there if you are not fond of charcoal. But anyone ready for some hardcore beer and wine testing might now take contact with me, cigars and cigarettes are of course compliments of the house. As always.

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

I'm leaving for Glasgow

I'm off to Glasgow for the next few days. Because of this it will probably be quite silent here for a coulpe of days. But I will give you a report on what scottish men have under their kilt when I get back again.

I will also have a test of the scottish whisky and visit their faboulous pipe museum. This will be so exciting. I also hope to see the battleground of William Wallace on my trip. It would be superb if they show "Bravehart" on the plane. Especially if it is dubbed with: "The jews are responsible for all the wars in the world! Freeeeedoooom!!!" Poor Mel Gibson is even more far off than me. But he's a smoker so I am able to forgive him some of his weaknesses.

Check in with my poll on if I will run the poll "Emily, hot or not". So long, I'm off to get drunk!

Here is a video of my friend Mr. T while you wait for me coming back!

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R.I.P. France

France has always been known as a country of great culture and intelectual art. Even though they eat frog legs, but all geniouses are a bit mental. Today France died from us all. Rest in peace.

What would the french resistance been without the cigarettes? Would Victor Hugo ever have made anything without a daily hit of nicotine? Would Picasso ever have run to France from Spanish fascism if he knew that they would 70 years later implement their own form of it?

Smoking was banned from all public places in france today, pubs and restaurants still have until December, but clearly they will kill them off also. The revolution in 1789 was in other words all for nothing.

The fascist collaborators of Vichy France would clearly have been proud.

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